MIL talks and ask questions incessantly

[Anonymous]

Yes! Even during extended visits, there can never be silence around her even to read a book or watch tv. She doesn't even give me time to answer a question before she is moving on to the next subject.

[Anonymous]

Dealing with this right now. Constant commentary and questions making it hard to relax. Comforting to know I'm not the only one!

[Anonymous]

MIL with NPD and anxiety disorder (on and off meds) is like this, it drives me nuts.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like that, but since she is my mother, we are close enough that I can say, "can we have some quiet time for a little bit" after a few hours.

[Anonymous]

I have a coworker like that. Very nice man but he will not shut up. Ever. It's like he's one of those wind-up toys; you pull the string, and he just starts talking, without pause, without input from his brain, for a good hour or more. It's insane. I was stuck next to him for a few hours on a recent group project and it was all I could do not to strangle him. For the next project, I figured out ahead of time where he'd be, and chose some place far, far away.

[Anonymous]

My guess would be that she is lonely and trying to fit as much interaction in as possible. The other alternative is that she is trying to connect with you (albeit awkwardly) in what time she has with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL just can't stop talking. When she is around there she has to talk nonstop and she asks questions repeatedly. Even very mundane topics tend to drag out forever...but of course, I guess they have to because she has to fill all waking hours with chatter about something.

Does anyone else have a MIL like this? How do you handle it? I am not used to being around that and it is so draining and exhausting.

Do you mean she's constantly asking questions or that she often asks the same questions repeatedly? Have you known her for a long time and she's always been this way or might this be new or significantly more noticeable lately? Repeating oneself can be a sign of early dementia. I noticed this about my MIL when I first met her. Family members who lived near her and saw her frequently did not start to suspect dementia/Alzheimer's until a couple of years later.

I second the reply above.

OP, please think about this compassionately and don't focus just on "She won't be quiet." If she is repeating herself, she might indeed be starting early dementia or just plain forgetfulness.

This could also be fundamental to her personality. Some people who are insecure tend to chatter away so that there is never a quiet moment when someone else could ask them a question that they fear they couldn't answer. The idea is basically, "If I talk, this other person won't know how bad I am at....." whatever is going on.

If your MIL is just chatty, please realize how much better that is than if she were mean, or undermined you, or carped at your choices, your housekeeping, etc. Chattiness is not a character flaw. It more likely shows that she is possibly insecure, or she simply was taught that conversation means asking the other person questions, and that is how she communicates.

To get things to quiet down, instead of just visiting with her, do specific things with her -- go places, attend events, so that she has something on which to focus and something to talk about.

This is not a problem on a par with MILs who are nasty to DILs, truly. Look for her good qualities and praise her for them--she might need it more than you realize. And take her to activities, or give her things to do with or for your family. And do keep an eye out for her mental health, if she's repeating things. Tell your husband if you're concerned.

[Anonymous]

Coming from an entire family of talkers (including myself), a few tips on how to tone it down (you will find it hard to eliminate completely)

- periodically excuse yourself to do something in another room. If she moves to follow, just discourage her "No, no...you just sit here and enjoy your coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes."
- when you are working on something that needs your attention, it is fine to say something like "Oh, excuse me, Ann, but I just need to concentrate on this for a few minutes and we can talk again afterwards."
- if you need a few minutes break, just say so. "I'm sorry, but I'd like a few minutes of quiet. I'm not used to talking so long at a stretch. Would you like a magazine?"

As long as you do not constantly blow her off, and you engage her and talk with her between spells, you won't be sending the signal that you don't want to talk to her. But you can buy yourself some periods of quiet politely.

[Anonymous]

My MIL and FIL talk *nonstop,* and it literally gives me a headache to be around them. My MIL will actually make things up just to have something to say. She's a sweet person, but more than 30 minutes in the same room with her and I'm pulling out my hair. My FIL will repeat his opinion a million times--if you agree with him, he'll just expound on it, and if you disagree, even slightly, or fail to respond, he'll just keep making the same point over and over again.

My solution is just to find some way to zone out--plus, I take a lot of showers or naps when we're visiting.

[Anonymous]

This is my MIL. Oh my God.

Anxiety--yes. I see it. Also, she does this thing where if you are having a conversation with someone else and she picks up a snippet, she will literally stop talking to the person she was having a conversation with/obviously not paying attention to and ask you what you were talking about--she interrupts, drops the person she was talking to/ignoring, and makes you start over. WTF?

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this, always has been. One of the most anxious people ever. She is afraid of silence. SHe will talk to herself if no one else is around. I grew up wondering why my mom muttered to herself constantly, a stream of never ending thoughts, anxieties, etc. When she's not in a terribly anxious mood, she just chatters about this or that, her telling a story leads to a series of long, pointless detours about people we don' know, events we don't care about etc, she cannot get to the EFFIN POINT. Once, we drove 45 min from the airport and I decided to see if she would notice if I didn't say anything. She talked the ENTIRE TIME without pause, and without recognizing that she was on send and not receive. DH and I just looked at each other and I almost started laughing it was so freaking weird.

When she is more anxious, the talking becomes questioning or a series of bizarre anxious worries that we then have to deal with ( from killer bees and the dogs next door mauling our child, to what she assumes is a ton of crime at our school because of the high number of FARMS to she's convinced she has cancer, etc) and that is exhausting and demoralizing. I have developed an ability to pretend to listen "uh uh, uh uh" while doing other things, but it drives DH batty and he gets short with her, then she gets hurt and talks to me about how rude DH is. I feel for him, but he hasn't developed the same protective measures I have. Really, I try to ignore it. Also, sometimes it helps when I ask her things about herself--she is at least more focused. And take lots of breaks. She has alienated many, many people due to her incessant anxiety and worry, which makes her lonely, which increases her anxiety, etc. Its sad, I cope, but at a certain point, gotta set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

My mother is like this. I take more after my father who is quiet and introverted. However, I always took her chattiness in stride and now, as an adult, I can get along with anyone who is not arrogant, critical or mean. Look at it this way, OP, your husband found you attractive because you were different from his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this, always has been. One of the most anxious people ever. She is afraid of silence. SHe will talk to herself if no one else is around. I grew up wondering why my mom muttered to herself constantly, a stream of never ending thoughts, anxieties, etc. When she's not in a terribly anxious mood, she just chatters about this or that, her telling a story leads to a series of long, pointless detours about people we don' know, events we don't care about etc, she cannot get to the EFFIN POINT. Once, we drove 45 min from the airport and I decided to see if she would notice if I didn't say anything. She talked the ENTIRE TIME without pause, and without recognizing that she was on send and not receive. DH and I just looked at each other and I almost started laughing it was so freaking weird.

When she is more anxious, the talking becomes questioning or a series of bizarre anxious worries that we then have to deal with ( from killer bees and the dogs next door mauling our child, to what she assumes is a ton of crime at our school because of the high number of FARMS to she's convinced she has cancer, etc) and that is exhausting and demoralizing. I have developed an ability to pretend to listen "uh uh, uh uh" while doing other things, but it drives DH batty and he gets short with her, then she gets hurt and talks to me about how rude DH is. I feel for him, but he hasn't developed the same protective measures I have. Really, I try to ignore it. Also, sometimes it helps when I ask her things about herself--she is at least more focused. And take lots of breaks. She has alienated many, many people due to her incessant anxiety and worry, which makes her lonely, which increases her anxiety, etc. Its sad, I cope, but at a certain point, gotta set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

MIL and her daughter, SIL, are motor mouths. DH thinks this is normal female behavior. He grew up in a house of constant empty chatter, silence is a bad sign. When I am quiet for an extended period of time, he thinks something is "wrong" with our marriage.

[Anonymous]

My mom is this way. We take an annual vacation, by car, about four hours away and my mom talks the entire time. No exaggeration. I bought a music cd on the trip and thought I'd at least listen to a few new songs en route. Nope. I timed it out...I never did listen to one three minute song without her talking.

In my mom's case, she's always been super chatty and friendly, but she is truly lonely and desparate for adult convo.