My brother confided in my husand that he is having an affair!

[Anonymous]

WOW!!! This is EXACTLY what happened to me... only difference is.. I'm fine with it... not sure if that is ok though. But i Never liked my sister-in-law that much, and i knew why my brother-in-law would start seeinig someone else.... She's not an easy person - not even on the eye... guess it wouldve only been a matter of time. - BUT - even though i dont really care about the affair, i still feel bad knowing about it all and keeping quiet.....Technically its got nothing to do with me and I'd rather stay away from a potential family fude... but it still bugs me though....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you NEED to talk to your brother, screw this "politically correct" bullshit. Sorry but so sick of hearing how you cannot step on peoples toes, and confidentiality blah blah blah..you are talking about a family that will be destroyed if/when they find out. A wife and kids who will be devastated by his antics and his inability to keep his pants zipped up. How irresponsible as a "family man" that he did not come clean. If he has this desire to be with this other person he has to tell his wife. Pure and simple. If he doesn't he cannot have his cake and eat it too. He took a vow and now he needs to make a hard decision, break it and move on or honor it and cut the woman off. He cannot have it both ways. And going against his wife (thus his kids) by telling your husband which is like telling you too is just wrong on every level. I say pick up the phone and YOU tell HIM how its going to go down. Not HIM telling YOU and your h.

One way to avoid all this havoc and destruction is for the OP to keep her damn yap shut.

IT IS NOT HER PLACE TO TELL HER BIL WHAT TO DO.

For that matter, her husband and his brother should have shut the hell up, too.

[Anonymous]

When he told your husband was he asking for advice or was he merely confessing as he needed to get it off his chest?

I think if he was asking for advice, your husband (not you) should suggest couples therapy for them. Your brother needs to figure out what is going on in his marriage and make a choice on staying or leaving. It's all about him, not you.

Don't talk to your brother.

[Anonymous]

Men are worse than gossiping teenage girls. Both of them should have kept their traps shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH tells your brother, "I'm uncomfortable being asked to keep information from my wife. And, WTF do you want us to do with this knowledge? You know it's going to be very difficult for us all to get together and play happy families."

Yes try this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you NEED to talk to your brother, screw this "politically correct" bullshit. Sorry but so sick of hearing how you cannot step on peoples toes, and confidentiality blah blah blah..you are talking about a family that will be destroyed if/when they find out. A wife and kids who will be devastated by his antics and his inability to keep his pants zipped up. How irresponsible as a "family man" that he did not come clean. If he has this desire to be with this other person he has to tell his wife. Pure and simple. If he doesn't he cannot have his cake and eat it too. He took a vow and now he needs to make a hard decision, break it and move on or honor it and cut the woman off. He cannot have it both ways. And going against his wife (thus his kids) by telling your husband which is like telling you too is just wrong on every level. I say pick up the phone and YOU tell HIM how its going to go down. Not HIM telling YOU and your h.

Yes have your husband tell him he has put him in a position which he can not withhold from you, his wife. Then have at it. Tell him of course his OW is fun, impulsive, non-stressed, she doesn't have the responsibility of kids, family, home, work or washing his stinking shit underwear. He needs to man up and come clean with his wife. Get therapy to repair or get out! Sorry but you don't go around fucking OW and come home to dinner cooked, house cleaned, children bathed, groceries filled, laundry done --- and eat!

[Anonymous]

I would talk to my brother for sure. I would also tell him that he has to tell his wife about the affair or I will let her know about it myself. It sounds to me like maybe your brother wants to be caught otherwise he would have kept that information to himself.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure I'm a horrible person, but I'd be sending my sister in law an anonymous email or letter.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what I'd do in this circumstance, OP. My brother had an affair, and I never spoke with him about it, even though I knew about it. I just didn't have that kind of relationship with my brother. I wish I could offer advice, but I'm thinking just stay out of it. That's what I did. I don't think anything I could have said would have made any difference anyway. If you talk to your brother you will be passing judgement on him. Of course he had to know your DH would tell you. I still love my brother, of course, but I don't approve of his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to my brother for sure. I would also tell him that he has to tell his wife about the affair or I will let her know about it myself. It sounds to me like maybe your brother wants to be caught otherwise he would have kept that information to himself.

OP, if you want to have a relationship with your brother in the future, I would NOT follow this poster's advice!! It's not your place to tell your SIL about her husband's infidelity. Really, stay out of it, OP, or the sh*t will start hitting you. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is a creep for breaking a confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH tells your brother, "I'm uncomfortable being asked to keep information from my wife. And, WTF do you want us to do with this knowledge? You know it's going to be very difficult for us all to get together and play happy families."

+1000

That's quite rude and selfish of your brother to put your husband in that position. Your husband's first loyalty to is to you, his wife.

Yup, I'll add another +1000 to this! And I'd also add that if Brother's answer is he wants advice or needed someone to confide in, if I were your DH I'd encourage him to be a man and deal both with his marriage issues (i.e. get help or break up) and make some decisions about what's best for him and his kids. And maybe refer him to resources about cheating and things to keep in mind (like how easy it is for the OW or OM to seem perfect, because you're not dealing with daily life with them and all the stress and boredom etc.).

But more than anything, I like the bolded above, that's the best initial reaction.

[Anonymous]

Call our bother and tell him what your husband told you. Who cares if anyone gets mad.....its your brothers actions(both having the affair and telling your husband) that are the problem. Make sure you let him know that. What a dump ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH tells your brother, "I'm uncomfortable being asked to keep information from my wife. And, WTF do you want us to do with this knowledge? You know it's going to be very difficult for us all to get together and play happy families."

+1000

That's quite rude and selfish of your brother to put your husband in that position. Your husband's first loyalty to is to you, his wife.

What is loyal about spilling a secret that has nothing to do with your relationship? Male gossips give up their man card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH tells your brother, "I'm uncomfortable being asked to keep information from my wife. And, WTF do you want us to do with this knowledge? You know it's going to be very difficult for us all to get together and play happy families."

+1000

That's quite rude and selfish of your brother to put your husband in that position. Your husband's first loyalty to is to you, his wife.

What is loyal about spilling a secret that has nothing to do with your relationship? Male gossips give up their man card.

Haha, true... You'd never see James Bond or Clint Eastwood even waste their time on such gossip. Hear it, make a crack.. Forget it. It's not your problem , don't make it one .