Applying to private mainstream schools, when to share dx

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies!
So far, we are looking at schools that I have heard at least one success story either through our Dev. Ped, ABA consultant, or friends. Currently on our list:
St. Patricks
Burgundy Farms
Alexandria Country Day
Congressional School of VA
McLean School
Potomac School
Flint Hill
We cut out Sheridan and Lowell.
I am open to other suggestions and I understand we are ALL OVER the place, but really want to cast our net wide to try to find a good fit as best we can.

From your list, I would recommend to stay away from Burgundy Farms if your child doesn't know how to self-regulate himself, is hyperactive or too sensory. They have a great nature environment for the kids but not too much structure. I have two children, one SN and one NT. We used to live in ALexandria for a while and visited Burgundy Farms. While they did offer us a spot for both kids, we felt they were not strong enough academically and their organization was too fluffy. We ended up attending a public school and were very happy.

I do, however, recommend Congressional School. These guys are tough and will work with therapists to put together a good set of strategies to work with your child.

[Anonymous]

PP sounds like they're military.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thought about public schools -- their K classes are still about 20 kids, so smaller than most Catholic schools and many private schools. The principal is entitled to hire additional staff in order to keep the classes at a reasonable level. The school itself is larger, and your child may need some help navigating and finding ""unwind spots", but you also get to talk to the principal and office and try to assign the teacher that best matches your child's personality. Many privates only have 1 or 2 rooms per class. so less choice in the teacher.

Class size really depends on where you go. In Montgomery Co., our kid's class size was 27 students with a shared aid among 6 classrooms. Way too large in general and especially for an SN kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on how high functioning he is. Can he pass as typical during the lengthy play date where veteran (IME) early childhood teachers assess him and everyone else, take notes and compare all kids against a checklist? Because that's what will occur at many of the schools you list.

Similarly, at least two of your schools require the WPPSI and a seasoned psychologist who's seen zillions of same-age kids may decide your son presents in a way consistent with autism and flag that subtly in the report narrative.

Then there's the confidential report from his current school that goes straight to the prospective school. What will they say? On that note, what type of program IS it? Sped?

I can't speak to all these schools, but thinking of a few plus a few others we applied to, they realize more than you expressly divulge.

Not to mention, on the app there is usually an entry that pointedly asks: "tell us what specialists your child has worked with to date. ". When you say, oh, our ABA specialist, that kind of says it all.

If you DON'T say, "our (obviously autism related )specialist," then that is lying. Or at least duping.

21:44 again. I agree with this poster. The school that accepted DS prior to him getting an ASD/AS dx required the WPPSI and a play date observation and it was done when DS was 3 yrs old before he was in a group setting of any kind. At that age, parallel play is still considered normal and my son's main issue has always been his interaction with peers so his main issue wasn't readily apparent at 3. He's never had academic or problematic behaviors of any kind and he interacts well with adults, has normal eye contact, etc. However, I don't think DS would "pass" under the radar now at 6 yrs old. Since you will be applying for K and there is a school record, I think it'll be better to disclose early rather than later.

[Anonymous]

I think you are required to share anything that may affect your child's ability to function in the classroom and if the school finds out you kid something it's grounds for dismissal.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone for thoughtful responses!
There is no question that we will disclose at some point in the application process. There is truly no getting around it and we are very aware of it. And again I definitely don't want to hide it, if nothing else, because I want somewhere that is a good fit. And if they don't accept DC because of it, then it is definitely not the right fit.
I guess what I am still wondering is at what point do I bring it up? I just hate to have them see it on a form first, and possibly make assumptions (correct or incorrect) rather than learn more about how great he is. I am so new to the whole process, does everyone that applies get a parent interview or playdate? That seems like the time to discuss it but what if you don't make it that far? Maybe I am being paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Yes, everyone who applies gets a parent interview and play date if it's part of their application process but not all schools have them.

[Anonymous]

I put our SN info on all applications. We applied to 6 schools. Heard back from 5. Got accepted into 2. DS has Aspergers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks everyone for thoughtful responses!
There is no question that we will disclose at some point in the application process. There is truly no getting around it and we are very aware of it. And again I definitely don't want to hide it, if nothing else, because I want somewhere that is a good fit. And if they don't accept DC because of it, then it is definitely not the right fit.
I guess what I am still wondering is at what point do I bring it up? I just hate to have them see it on a form first, and possibly make assumptions (correct or incorrect) rather than learn more about how great he is. I am so new to the whole process, does everyone that applies get a parent interview or playdate? That seems like the time to discuss it but what if you don't make it that far? Maybe I am being paranoid.

If you are disclosing, then you have to put it on the application. That's the way it goes. OP, I don't think you are being paranoid, and I think disclosing is probably the right thing to do, but I also urge you to have a back-up plan - public school, another year in your child's current program, whatever, just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies!
So far, we are looking at schools that I have heard at least one success story either through our Dev. Ped, ABA consultant, or friends. Currently on our list:
St. Patricks
Burgundy Farms
Alexandria Country Day
Congressional School of VA
McLean School
Potomac School
Flint Hill
We cut out Sheridan and Lowell.
I am open to other suggestions and I understand we are ALL OVER the place, but really want to cast our net wide to try to find a good fit as best we can.

Hi,

Poster 16:41 here (lasted a week+ in traditional private K).
DS did not attend a school on your list above.

And to add to pps' comments on thread, we self-reported. There was nothing of note in his WPPSI report and I'm guessing that the play date went well enough as he was admitted and the school declined a further observation at this pre-k class as we had offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thought about public schools -- their K classes are still about 20 kids, so smaller than most Catholic schools and many private schools. The principal is entitled to hire additional staff in order to keep the classes at a reasonable level. The school itself is larger, and your child may need some help navigating and finding ""unwind spots", but you also get to talk to the principal and office and try to assign the teacher that best matches your child's personality. Many privates only have 1 or 2 rooms per class. so less choice in the teacher.

NP here. Our neighborhood school is 28 kids. Make sure you know the local reality and don't base your choice on the ideal!

[Anonymous]

Our DS has special needs but is not on the AS. We disclosed his dx on the application, brought it up in all interviews and had the specialist he works with write a letter to the schools. I think schools view it as a positive when you make these things transparent. It says that you're aware of the issues and are willing to be open and work with the school. There are many parents who live in denial and refuse to believe that their child is not perfect. These parents are nightmares for the schools to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DS has special needs but is not on the AS. We disclosed his dx on the application, brought it up in all interviews and had the specialist he works with write a letter to the schools. I think schools view it as a positive when you make these things transparent. It says that you're aware of the issues and are willing to be open and work with the school. There are many parents who live in denial and refuse to believe that their child is not perfect. These parents are nightmares for the schools to work with.

THIS. Be open and honest about your child's strength's, weaknesses, needs etc... You do not want your child in a school that is not able to accommodate. I say this as a mother of a child with ADHD and Asperger's who is currently in a school that is the best fit for him. We disclosed on the application AND had a frank discussion with the admissions director. FWIW, we did not apply to schools all the privates in the area (we were very very selective, knowing our child's needs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DS has special needs but is not on the AS. We disclosed his dx on the application, brought it up in all interviews and had the specialist he works with write a letter to the schools. I think schools view it as a positive when you make these things transparent. It says that you're aware of the issues and are willing to be open and work with the school. There are many parents who live in denial and refuse to believe that their child is not perfect. These parents are nightmares for the schools to work with.

This. One of the many excuses people use is "I want the school to form it's own opinion without biasing them in any way." Just be honest and let the school personnel decide if it's a fit once they meet the child. You want to do what is best for your child. Also, don't let the whole DC area competitive stuff get to you. You are trying to find the right school for your child, not impress your neighbors and coworkers. If your neighbor or coworker thinks less of your child because he/she goes to a school for children with learning differences, then your neighbor/coworker is an ass.

Carry on..

[Anonymous]

They will find out. So, it is best to disclose it. It will come out in teacher and counselor recommendations but the schools will have a context in which to view the recommendations if you disclose the diagnosis and share any assessment reports. Like one PP said, it is vitally important to do your research and apply to the schools that have the accomodations or supports in place to help your DC reach his or her full potential. My DS has ADHD combined type and he was accepted to one of the schools on your list. They requested copies of pycho educational assessments and other related information in addition to WISC tests and standardized tests. Had I not provided the assessment information, I am pretty sure he would not have been admitted because there would have been no basis for them to go on except his test scores show he is average. But with the assessment report, they could see in what areas he needs support and that he has potential to be a very good student. The counselor at the new school aso talked to the counselor at the old school, so if your DC has some behavioral issues, you'd better believe the counselor will make them known. So, hiding the information is doing your DC a disservice and setting him up to be misjudged or stressed out because of a work load that is too intense without accomodations.