If your DH could double his pay but had to travel often, would you take it?
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Anonymous
| Why is it taking all your family time? Does he have to work 24-7 even when he is at home? |
Anonymous
Strongly disagree. If DH is working so much that he is not participating in family time, his decision affects more than just him. If this was me, I'd make an agreement where he does this job for X months, protects one evening per week for family dinner, and then at the end of X months, you take a vacation and re-evaluate. It's possible that after a couple months, you will have found a routine and he will enjoy it a bit more and you'll find that taking a nice vacation is worth the extra work on both your parts. It's also possible that you will both feel the opposite. |
Anonymous
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Nope. He already makes a fantastic salary.
I would say time with family was more important than amassing wealth at the expense of family. |
Anonymous
The man should decid |
Anonymous
It takes up the majority of his weekend time so all the time that we would be going to the pool, summer weekend trips, etc. He has also been tacking on a few days off to holiday weekends to work. He even went away Father's Day weekend for a business trip. I feel like a single mom. DH says he is doing it for us but it sure doesn't feel that way. DH said he would love to fund our two children's college funds and stop. I just don't think it is necessary to save our children's college funds now. I would much prefer for daddy to go swimming with us. |
Anonymous
| No way, I find it ridicoulous when husbands work ensane hours and don't raise / participate in the family. He makes plenty w/o the job, you will never get that family time back. I feel bad for your kids. |
Anonymous
| OP, to be clear, your DH has a full time job making approximately $250,000 a year and on top of that he is ALSO working a part time consulting job making another $200k in 7 months? Have you just banked that extra $200k? Were you living comfortably within your means on $250,000? If you don't have big (non-mortgage) debts to pay off or anything, no, I would never in a million years want my DH to do that in your shoes, but my DH would never want it either so we'd be in agreement. And my DH is conservative about money but no way he'd give up all his time with our family. |
Anonymous
PER MONTH? Holy crap. Certainly you've saved A TON of money by now, if he's been doing this for 6 months? If not, jesus, have him do it for another 6 months, save all that money, then he can quit. If you haven't saved a crap ton of money in the 6 months he's been doing this, you're doing it wrong. |
Anonymous
If he's doing this as a second job that takes up all his vacation time and weekends, I change my earlier assessment (PP here who was supportive). That kind of sacrifice of time isn't worth it...when do you see him? |
Anonymous
Listen, drama queen. You are not even close to being a single mom, okay? You husband is working his ass off to bankroll your family to the tune of nearly a half a million dollars a year. You may not like to go to swimming class alone (boo hoo!) but you really need to gain some perspective, because it's offensive that you think your husband working over the weekends and not going to swimming class makes your experience ANYTHING like a single mom's. |
Anonymous
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Holy cow!
Yes, absolutely. Do it for a year and save every dime he makes. You are half way through it. Once the kids are back in school it won't be that bad. He is home evenings during the week, correct? So you are just talking about missing weekends? Quite yer bitchin lady and suck it up. This is not permanent but it can have permanent benefits for your family. |
Anonymous
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How old are the kids?
If this will set you up to have more financial independence once the kids are older, then you should keep on. DH is in a very demanding job now and we are saving like crazy so that when the kids are older, he can be there for every game and scouting trip. Of course the time with your family is precious and priceless but we decided it would be better for the kids to have DH available and involved for older elementary onward instead of the really early years. |
Anonymous
Agree 100%...DH travels for work 4 days a week and people often make comments about how I"m pretty much a single mom. And I correct them every time. It is nothing like being a single mom. OP, it doesn't matter what we think. You and DH have to decide, together, what works best for your family and do it. DH and I decided together that he would take this travel job for a number of reasons. If he had made the decision unilaterally, there would have been a lot of resentment. And if I coerced him into quitting, there would be a lot of resentment too. There is no shortcut. You need to figure out what to do, together. |
Anonymous
| My DH did exactly this. Took a new job about 2 weeks before our first was born that doubled his pay (and then some) but requires him to travel 1-2 weeks a month. The travel SUCKS. But, you get used to it over time. We hired a nanny instead of day care (and with number two on the way that has been the best decision ever). She can pick up the slack that I need when he is gone -- laundry, dishes, baths, dinners, etc. Now, it's not the same as having him around, but it's manageable. And, things will get easier as our kids get older. Sometimes I wish he didn't have to travel (okay all the time I wish this). But, the extra income has made things possible for us that weren't before and we are able to save $$ and put aside $$ for college for our kids. Sometimes I do feel sorry for myself when he is in Paris for a week going out to dinner every night and I'm eating a bowl of cereal while watching RHONJ -- but we all make sacrifices. And his job can be grueling. It's not all fun and games. Bottom line -- we are making it work. |
Anonymous
| If I stayed at home and had a more traditional marriage, yes. If I worked full-time and expected help around the house and with the kids. No. |