If your DH could double his pay but had to travel often, would you take it?

[Anonymous]

Would do it in a heartbeat. Being able to pay down the mortgage, save for college and retirement would be amazing.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar position (stressful, higher paying job) pre-family and while the money was good i didn't have to worry about spending time with others. Now that i have a family i make considerably less but really enjoy not being called in evenings/weekends.
So I think it depends on what your husband values, family or money. I don't think outsourcing replaces family time.

[Anonymous]

No. That's why I work full time, so neither of us has to travel or work longer hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YES. We'd do it. We've done it. We outsource what we can so the time he is home isn't spent doing stupid stuff, it's spent as a family. But he works long hours anyway, so if he is getting home at 9pm and leaving again at 7am, being out on travel isn't any different as far as our child is concerned. So thanks very much for that salary double.

Sure, in a perfect world, we'd make do with less and he'd be home more. But the student loans aren't concerned with our work-life balance.

I guess if you really don't need it, have absolutely no debt and a loaded school/college fund for your kids and a good retirement fund, turn it down. Otherwise, get extra help and negotiate an end date and start counting down.

+1 I actually find it easier when he is gone, than when he bursts through the door at 9:30 PM expecting the family to spend more time when they are in the getting to bed mode. School starts very early. I prefer when he is here he is here, not he is gone 7AM to 9PM.

[Anonymous]

I would do this without much thought or regret. You have to strike when the iron is hit and cannot count on a high income going on indefinitely, There are certainly plenty of tech people are struggling to find good work now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That money paid off your $50k in student loans and leaves you with only a mortgage. If you're going to be staying in that house, pay off the mortgage. Create college funds. Create a safety net. Then have him quit. All that should take you, what, another year? You will be so thankful a few years down the line.

OP here. I was wondering where my post was and realized it was moved to another forum.

We decided on an end date. DH will do this for another year. We will hopefully save another $100k in cash and pad our children's college funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has a very niche technical skill and was offered a very lucrative consulting role earlier this year. He can pick up $10,000-$50,000 extra per month. Since the money was good, DH accepted the consulting role and DH can do the work when he is available but it requires him to travel about 2x per month. It has been about 6 months and this extra consulting job is basically at the expense of ALL DH's free time. DH thinks he should continue doing the work and we should save the $. I personally don't think it is worth the expense of all our family time. DH doesn't like being away from our family either. He doesn't particularly enjoy the work. It's just purely for the money.

Would you have your DH continue to work the extra hours for the money?

Wait a minute here - $10,000-$50,000 extra PER MONTH??? Some people make $30K - $50K in a whole year!

Rich people problems! I wish I had those.

I suspect that OP exaggerates. She is a board house wife who is feeling unloved and un-valued. Her only value is her husband's cash but that makes her feel a little dirty deep inside so bragging is salve on that wound.

Wow, and I thought my parents were the experts at projection! Mom, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That money paid off your $50k in student loans and leaves you with only a mortgage. If you're going to be staying in that house, pay off the mortgage. Create college funds. Create a safety net. Then have him quit. All that should take you, what, another year? You will be so thankful a few years down the line.

OP here. I was wondering where my post was and realized it was moved to another forum.

We decided on an end date. DH will do this for another year. We will hopefully save another $100k in cash and pad our children's college funds.

Where is the other 400k going?! (300k after taxes, I guess.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. That's why I work full time, so neither of us has to travel or work longer hours.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That money paid off your $50k in student loans and leaves you with only a mortgage. If you're going to be staying in that house, pay off the mortgage. Create college funds. Create a safety net. Then have him quit. All that should take you, what, another year? You will be so thankful a few years down the line.

OP here. I was wondering where my post was and realized it was moved to another forum.

We decided on an end date. DH will do this for another year. We will hopefully save another $100k in cash and pad our children's college funds.

Where is the other 400k going?! (300k after taxes, I guess.)

$100k cash savings, ~$100k for each kid for college and DH wants a new car.

[Anonymous]

If your DH is willing to give up his free time to build a nest egg and you can suck it up for a year and a half, do it. The consulting experience will be a plus on his resume and it will free up his time in later years to concentrate on the family rather than try to come up with additional funds for college and the like.

[Anonymous]

I travel/live abroad for work and the majority of the people I work with are men. As a woman, I don't think the separation is usually helpful for marriages. There are some good guys who are all about family who travel regularly, but there tends to be a strong frat boy mentality where many men are having flings on these trips and can justify it in their minds because their families are living financially privileged lives as a result. Its just a different mentality sometimes and I've seen some otherwise good guys make poor decisions. And I have met wives who tell me that they know their DHs would never do anything like that who absolutely are. Some of these guys receive attention overseas from women that they aren't used to and it can be an adjustment.

OP, I'm not saying that this is what your DH is doing. He might be one of those good guys, and they DO exist. My point is that the family time/separation factor is not insignificant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel/live abroad for work and the majority of the people I work with are men. As a woman, I don't think the separation is usually helpful for marriages. There are some good guys who are all about family who travel regularly, but there tends to be a strong frat boy mentality where many men are having flings on these trips and can justify it in their minds because their families are living financially privileged lives as a result. Its just a different mentality sometimes and I've seen some otherwise good guys make poor decisions. And I have met wives who tell me that they know their DHs would never do anything like that who absolutely are. Some of these guys receive attention overseas from women that they aren't used to and it can be an adjustment.

OP, I'm not saying that this is what your DH is doing. He might be one of those good guys, and they DO exist. My point is that the family time/separation factor is not insignificant.

I agree. Many men have flings on business trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel/live abroad for work and the majority of the people I work with are men. As a woman, I don't think the separation is usually helpful for marriages. There are some good guys who are all about family who travel regularly, but there tends to be a strong frat boy mentality where many men are having flings on these trips and can justify it in their minds because their families are living financially privileged lives as a result. Its just a different mentality sometimes and I've seen some otherwise good guys make poor decisions. And I have met wives who tell me that they know their DHs would never do anything like that who absolutely are. Some of these guys receive attention overseas from women that they aren't used to and it can be an adjustment.

OP, I'm not saying that this is what your DH is doing. He might be one of those good guys, and they DO exist. My point is that the family time/separation factor is not insignificant.

I agree. Many men have flings on business trips.

Chicks too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on number of days/month of travel and if there is any extra vacation he is accumulating that you can perhaps use more frequently. and if you see any big expenses coming up that you can cover for: house? private school?

Agree with this. If my DH had to be gone for 2-3 days twice a month, that's fine. If he were gone for multiple full weeks per month, we'd really need to talk long and hard about it.

I see PP's point that it's only a few years, but that's a lot of time away from your kids. And especially if they are young, those years matter a lot in terms of changes and thinsg you'd miss.

Extra money is great, but at the expense of your overall family well-being -- marriage, time together, his time with the kids, his health, etc.. -- then it might not be worth it.

That's how I feel, too. And we don't have kids. (We also don't have savings, so YMMV.)