Dealing with family living thousands of miles away and feeling resentful of infrequent visits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you actually said this to your parents? Not as an issue of fairness, but simply that you are a little hurt that they're not willing to come see you once a year?
.

OP here. Yes, I have mentioned it several times. They either respond with "what will we do at your house?" meaning that they're bored to tears when they're here visiting me (they usually stay for 6 days maximum) but always complain about how bored they are (since seeing me and my husband isn't enough). They sit around the house because they're exhausted, take naps and watch TV. However, at the same time they complain that "they don't know my husband at all." Well, maybe that's because you never come to visit! Also when I ask them to visit they sat "it's too far." Never mind the 3 other trips to Europe they've already taken this year. That doesn't seem to be "too far." Can you see why I feel upset and resentful about this situation?

Now who knows how this will change/if it will change when they have a grandchild (their first grandchild). Maybe they won't be so bored at my house. However, growing up I only saw my grandparents once a year and they seem to think this is "adequate."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you actually said this to your parents? Not as an issue of fairness, but simply that you are a little hurt that they're not willing to come see you once a year?
.

OP here. Yes, I have mentioned it several times. They either respond with "what will we do at your house?" meaning that they're bored to tears when they're here visiting me (they usually stay for 6 days maximum) but always complain about how bored they are (since seeing me and my husband isn't enough). They sit around the house because they're exhausted, take naps and watch TV. However, at the same time they complain that "they don't know my husband at all." Well, maybe that's because you never come to visit! Also when I ask them to visit they sat "it's too far." Never mind the 3 other trips to Europe they've already taken this year. That doesn't seem to be "too far." Can you see why I feel upset and resentful about this situation?

Now who knows how this will change/if it will change when they have a grandchild (their first grandchild). Maybe they won't be so bored at my house. However, growing up I only saw my grandparents once a year and they seem to think this is "adequate."

Sounds like you and D are boring people. Can't blame your parents for limiting their visits.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound very whiny. Perhaps your parents just don't enjoy being around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you sound very whiny. Perhaps your parents just don't enjoy being around you.

Why do I sound whiny? Because I want to have a relationship with family and they don't have any interest? I find that to be very sad and depressing.

[Anonymous]

Move to Hawaii.

problem solved.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound butthurt that you only get 10 days of vacation while they get 52 weeks of it. Maybe when you're their age you'll have that, but be grateful for what you've got now.

Get over the fact that you only have the family you're creating here. I am a single mother, and my relatives live 3000 miles away, don't fly, won't drive here, so what? My close friends ARE my family. I MADE my family. Make yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confused why you did not visit them more often. Hawaii is about ten to eleven hours flight, right? That's doable for one week, which would use half your vacation time for the year.

Oh sure. An EXPENSIVE 10-11 hour flight. Sorry, but OP's parents sound kind of selfish. They're done being parents and now it's back to ME ME ME. Typical of the narcissists among the Boomer generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you sound very whiny. Perhaps your parents just don't enjoy being around you.

And you sound very mean. I imagine there are people who don't enjoy being around YOU.

[Anonymous]

You sound whiny because you expect them to travel to you more because your poor husband doesn't like Hawaii and you can't bear to spend time apart from him. And then your parents still don't meet your expectations when you visit.

Guess what? They spent years raising you and working. Now they can afford to travel and live in their dream destination. Good for them! I'm sorry they don't live up to your ideas of doting parents/grandparents, but they've earned their right to enjoy themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confused why you did not visit them more often. Hawaii is about ten to eleven hours flight, right? That's doable for one week, which would use half your vacation time for the year.

Oh sure. An EXPENSIVE 10-11 hour flight. Sorry, but OP's parents sound kind of selfish. They're done being parents and now it's back to ME ME ME. Typical of the narcissists among the Boomer generation.

Huh? Not OP but after my parents spent 24 years raising kids, working their tales off, and putting mine and my brother's needs first, I'm thrilled that they know take time to travel together and enjoy time with each other. I don't find it selfish at all.

[Anonymous]

Tails* not tales

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound whiny because you expect them to travel to you more because your poor husband doesn't like Hawaii and you can't bear to spend time apart from him. And then your parents still don't meet your expectations when you visit.

Guess what? They spent years raising you and working. Now they can afford to travel and live in their dream destination. Good for them! I'm sorry they don't live up to your ideas of doting parents/grandparents, but they've earned their right to enjoy themselves.

Not OP, but some of us don't ascribe to this. It's ridiculous to have children and then basically give up a relationship with them once they reach adulthood. You sound pretty mean-spirited. Do you have children? Do you plan to essentially stop spending time with them the minute they graduate college? They'll grow to loathe and resent you, just so you know. My mother is like this and while we were once close, now that she is utterly self-involved every minute of every day, our relationship is very strained. It's her loss, just like it will be yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, PPs, 10 hours on a plane with an infant is daunting, more so as the kiddo becomes more mobile. This is a ftm. Lets cut her some slack!

Yes but this was before she had kids she only went every other year

[Anonymous]

Ironic because there is another thread complaining about parents visiting for 3-4 months at a time and wanting to spend time with their children and grandchildren!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound whiny because you expect them to travel to you more because your poor husband doesn't like Hawaii and you can't bear to spend time apart from him. And then your parents still don't meet your expectations when you visit.

Guess what? They spent years raising you and working. Now they can afford to travel and live in their dream destination. Good for them! I'm sorry they don't live up to your ideas of doting parents/grandparents, but they've earned their right to enjoy themselves.

Not OP, but some of us don't ascribe to this. It's ridiculous to have children and then basically give up a relationship with them once they reach adulthood. You sound pretty mean-spirited. Do you have children? Do you plan to essentially stop spending time with them the minute they graduate college? They'll grow to loathe and resent you, just so you know. My mother is like this and while we were once close, now that she is utterly self-involved every minute of every day, our relationship is very strained. It's her loss, just like it will be yours.

But ops parents do visit. Just not as often as op wants.