Do you ever feel like it's your fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone smokes pot in college.

My child does not have ADD, but she has other health issues that have been consuming my life. I blamed myself for them, and ended up severely depressed and had to seek therapy, take antidepressants and eventually ended up in a psychiatric facility for severe depression -- all because of my kid's health issues.

All this did nothing to help my kid and tore me into pieces. Don't blame yourself. I finally have realized (after multiple psychiatric drugs and therapy) that it's not my fault.

So, dont go there. It's a dark place.

I never tried.
I have 2 perfect little girls,born on time whitout any problems.

???!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone smokes pot in college. There is no way that effected your child.

My child does not have ADD, but she has other health issues that have been consuming my life. I blamed myself for them, and ended up severely depressed and had to seek therapy, take antidepressants and eventually ended up in a psychiatric facility for severe depression -- all because of my kid's health issues.

All this did nothing to help my kid and tore me into pieces. Don't blame yourself. I finally have realized (after multiple psychiatric drugs and therapy) that it's not my fault.

So, dont go there. It's a dark place.

I'm at this stage now, constantly stressed and consumed with severe anxiety and depression over my inability to manage my DD with severe ADHD and her younger brother with as yet, undiagnosed but definite special needs. I am overwhelmed and don't know where to turn to. I also resent DH and internally blame myself for not recognizing that DH's spaciness was ADD that could be genetically passed on. Had I known, I would never have married and had children with him, because I am ill-equipped to parent SN children due to my genetic predisposition to anxiety and panic disorders and ADD husband is not much help. Which psychiatric facility were you able to get help at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone smokes pot in college. There is no way that effected your child.

My child does not have ADD, but she has other health issues that have been consuming my life. I blamed myself for them, and ended up severely depressed and had to seek therapy, take antidepressants and eventually ended up in a psychiatric facility for severe depression -- all because of my kid's health issues.

All this did nothing to help my kid and tore me into pieces. Don't blame yourself. I finally have realized (after multiple psychiatric drugs and therapy) that it's not my fault.

So, dont go there. It's a dark place.

I'm at this stage now, constantly stressed and consumed with severe anxiety and depression over my inability to manage my DD with severe ADHD and her younger brother with as yet, undiagnosed but definite special needs. I am overwhelmed and don't know where to turn to. I also resent DH and internally blame myself for not recognizing that DH's spaciness was ADD that could be genetically passed on. Had I known, I would never have married and had children with him, because I am ill-equipped to parent SN children due to my genetic predisposition to anxiety and panic disorders and ADD husband is not much help. Which psychiatric facility were you able to get help at?

Not pp but I recommend:

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/anxiety/

Bay view and the Hospital takes different insurance plans with Bayview taking more. Both locations are great with the same doctors but the hospital is a training hospital so there will be students.

Hopkins will evaluate and recommend a treatment plan. They can recommend physicians closer to you for treatment if you wish. GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone smokes pot in college. There is no way that effected your child.

My child does not have ADD, but she has other health issues that have been consuming my life. I blamed myself for them, and ended up severely depressed and had to seek therapy, take antidepressants and eventually ended up in a psychiatric facility for severe depression -- all because of my kid's health issues.

All this did nothing to help my kid and tore me into pieces. Don't blame yourself. I finally have realized (after multiple psychiatric drugs and therapy) that it's not my fault.

So, dont go there. It's a dark place.

I'm at this stage now, constantly stressed and consumed with severe anxiety and depression over my inability to manage my DD with severe ADHD and her younger brother with as yet, undiagnosed but definite special needs. I am overwhelmed and don't know where to turn to. I also resent DH and internally blame myself for not recognizing that DH's spaciness was ADD that could be genetically passed on. Had I known, I would never have married and had children with him, because I am ill-equipped to parent SN children due to my genetic predisposition to anxiety and panic disorders and ADD husband is not much help. Which psychiatric facility were you able to get help at?

OP, I was at Dominion Psychiatric facility in Falls Church in their day-only program (It's called Adult Partial Hospitialization). I became so consumed by my child's health issues that I could not return to work, I became depressed, could not sleep or eat. I felt constantly guilty and felt like I did not recognize signs earlier. I actually became severely depressed with anxiety through the roof. I had to do 3 months of intensive therapy and now I am on antidepressants that have helped enormously. But I am still constantly worried about my child. I have taken her to so many doctors and each one has a different opinion. Now I am out of the psychiatric facility, but I see my therapist once a week and a psychiatrist. My doctors tell me I must do 20 minutes of cardio a day to reduce the anxiety. Honeslty, I dont know that I will ever be the same person I once was before my child was diagnosed. I have to accept this as the "new normal".

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you, I am genetically prone to anxiety and depression and my DH had ADHD as a child and now it's more like he just has ADD. My oldest child does not have the same diagnosis as yours, but he has health issues that cause me so much anxiety that I was unable to function.

I go to therapy once a week, take antidepressants, take a lot of xanax and ativan, see a shrink and go to a NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) group meeting once a week. I also try to exercise and take ambien to sleep. This is how I have coped with my child's health issues and I am still not doing well, but at least I am not about to jump off a cliff.

[Anonymous]

I guess its helpful to hear others in the same boat. My son was just diagnosed with dyspraxia and ADHD and being sent for genetic testing for some other symptoms and facial features and my younger toddler may have verbal apraxia--or at least pretty non verbal at 20 months. I suddenly feel like I have to reorient my whole life--ambition at work gives way to spending time with kids, appts, etc, and $ that we were going to spend on buying a house now all to therapy. Hanging out with my friends who have "normal" kids just reinforce my sense that I am a loser parent. And I have a lot of anger at myself (I didn't take great care of myself in my second pregnancy, forgot prenatals, had a 1/3 glass of wine here and there, didn't gain enough weight, got sick a lot, had to take antibiotics) but also at my husband, who has adhd and whose family has a history of unspecific mental illness (depression, bipolar) and neurological issues that I wish I had thought about before having kids with him. And I blame myself for waiting so long to have kids (didn't get married until late 30s). Mostly, I just worry about whether my kids will be happy, self sufficient adults and I'm terrified that I'm going to die or something before they get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess its helpful to hear others in the same boat. My son was just diagnosed with dyspraxia and ADHD and being sent for genetic testing for some other symptoms and facial features and my younger toddler may have verbal apraxia--or at least pretty non verbal at 20 months. I suddenly feel like I have to reorient my whole life--ambition at work gives way to spending time with kids, appts, etc, and $ that we were going to spend on buying a house now all to therapy. Hanging out with my friends who have "normal" kids just reinforce my sense that I am a loser parent. And I have a lot of anger at myself (I didn't take great care of myself in my second pregnancy, forgot prenatals, had a 1/3 glass of wine here and there, didn't gain enough weight, got sick a lot, had to take antibiotics) but also at my husband, who has adhd and whose family has a history of unspecific mental illness (depression, bipolar) and neurological issues that I wish I had thought about before having kids with him. And I blame myself for waiting so long to have kids (didn't get married until late 30s). Mostly, I just worry about whether my kids will be happy, self sufficient adults and I'm terrified that I'm going to die or something before they get there.

OP, I am so sorry. I can totally relate on every level. I am the PP who had to go to a psychiatric hospital due to the stress of my eldest child's health issues. I know what you mean about reorienting your life --- I was supposed to go back to work, but I was so depressed, so anxious and so busy taking my child to appointments that my motivation to work and even have a career disappeared. So I am not back at work and now we are struggling financially b/c of my mental health issues (bills from therapy, etc) and also my child's health issues and therapy. And the therapy is not going to end anytime soon, so it's an ongoing cost and time commitment. I also can relate to hanging out with friends who have 'normal' kids -- talking to those friends made me MORE depressed, I felt like they did not understand and I would fixate on my kid's issues EVEN MORE when around 'normal' kids. Sometimes I can't even go to the pool or parks b/c I can't handle being around 'normal' kids.

My DH had ADD as a child and I have a history of depression/anxiety. His family ALSO (like your situation) has some undiagnosed mental problems --- but DH is of a culture where they don't talk about mental health problems. So, to top if off, I have to HIDE my depression and anxiety and can't even tell my DH's family that I am having trouble coping. They see it as a weakness and not an illness and they do not sympathize. It's amazing b/c my MIL has MAJOR mental issues and she and the family will not acknowledge it.

I also waited until I was in my late 30s to have kids -- had my second at age 40. I worry endlessly about my one child and whether or not she will be able to cope with the world when older. It's horrible and I can totally relate.

These are the things that have helped me: antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, individual therapy with a social worker once a week, group therapy with NAMI once a week, exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy (I keep a journal where I write down my FEARS and then counteract it with the reality of the situation.) My therapist reads my journal and helps me with my negative thoughts, fears and gives me coping skills.

I don't know I will ever be the same. But at least I am coping and functioning.

[Anonymous]

OP I forgot to mention -- I cried myself to sleep for 2 months straight blaming myself for my kid's problems. In retrospect, I saw signs of the issues, but didn't put 2 and 2 together and did not do anything to help her until it was too late.

But remember blaming yourself is not going to help your child. But I can totally relate. Also it does not sound like the things you did in your pregnancy would have ANY effect on your kids' issues. If you told me you got wasted every night and were doing crack, I might worry....

[Anonymous]

I stopped going to college due to 2 hour travel on the train. Stopped working for the same reason. Had a supportive husband and parents. Was young, only 22. Never touched alcohol or never smoked. Was in very good health though out pregnancy. Have no history of any problems in my or my husbands side of the family.The child was born full term. Still I ended up with with a child with ASD, ADHD, low muscle tone, OCD and many more. Please stop blaming your self and be there for your child for better or for worse. I admire you. You are a fantastic parent.

[Anonymous]

I have one child with many issues and one who is the easiest kid I could have to raise. I did nothing different from one pregnancy to the other except was very stressed during the easy kid's pregnancy due to a job loss in our family. I figure it's just the makeup of the genes each got and I have to move on.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Definitely i feel it is my fault that i allowed our brainwashed pediatrician do 5 shots at a visit.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. I had a 30 weeker who has ASD and thought it was my fault. Then, my second child (who was on time), was diagnosed with ASD. It is NOT our fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one child with many issues and one who is the easiest kid I could have to raise. I did nothing different from one pregnancy to the other except was very stressed during the easy kid's pregnancy due to a job loss in our family. I figure it's just the makeup of the genes each got and I have to move on.

same here, My first child has issues and my second does not and is very easy going.... I do wonder about vaccines though, so for my second, I am doing a delayed schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Definitely i feel it is my fault that i allowed our brainwashed pediatrician do 5 shots at a visit.

what happened as a result of this?

[Anonymous]

I was and still in same boat. I actually switched jobs from one that was 5 mins from my home and very relaxed to a consulting job that was an hour and half away, and had to move homes to a much smaller house as well for this, all during my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. Lost all support network that would have been in my older job and community. The job actually required travel as well and I was stressed out due to worry about travel with baby. Had preeclampsia and DS was born at 36 weeks. He was in daycare since he was few weeks old, and he suffered around 10 infections in his first year. Then all language delays, food aversions, sensory issues, delayed physical movements, anxiety, tantrums manifested. Went on for years and we worked on one after the other. Every time I saw another healthy thriving child with no issues, I cringed at my pregnancy & early parenting mistakes.
As things are getting better in retrospect pregnancy & early parenting still matter a lot, but I understand that is not the only cause. Now I can clearly see how DH had some of these issues as well, he used to tell me that from the beginning, but I was adamant it was me and my poor choices.
Ont thing I have realized is it is never too late to become a better parent, even if you have to make mistakes to get there. And your child needs you, so living in the past is a disservice to them.