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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I guess its helpful to hear others in the same boat. My son was just diagnosed with dyspraxia and ADHD and being sent for genetic testing for some other symptoms and facial features and my younger toddler may have verbal apraxia--or at least pretty non verbal at 20 months. I suddenly feel like I have to reorient my whole life--ambition at work gives way to spending time with kids, appts, etc, and $ that we were going to spend on buying a house now all to therapy. Hanging out with my friends who have "normal" kids just reinforce my sense that I am a loser parent. And I have a lot of anger at myself (I didn't take great care of myself in my second pregnancy, forgot prenatals, had a 1/3 glass of wine here and there, didn't gain enough weight, got sick a lot, had to take antibiotics) but also at my husband, who has adhd and whose family has a history of unspecific mental illness (depression, bipolar) and neurological issues that I wish I had thought about before having kids with him. And I blame myself for waiting so long to have kids (didn't get married until late 30s). Mostly, I just worry about whether my kids will be happy, self sufficient adults and I'm terrified that I'm going to die or something before they get there. [/quote]

OP, I am so sorry. I can totally relate on every level. I am the PP who had to go to a psychiatric hospital due to the stress of my eldest child's health issues. I know what you mean about reorienting your life --- I was supposed to go back to work, but I was so depressed, so anxious and so busy taking my child to appointments that my motivation to work and even have a career disappeared. So I am not back at work and now we are struggling financially b/c of my mental health issues (bills from therapy, etc) and also my child's health issues and therapy. And the therapy is not going to end anytime soon, so it's an ongoing cost and time commitment. I also can relate to hanging out with friends who have 'normal' kids -- talking to those friends made me MORE depressed, I felt like they did not understand and I would fixate on my kid's issues EVEN MORE when around 'normal' kids. Sometimes I can't even go to the pool or parks b/c I can't handle being around 'normal' kids.

My DH had ADD as a child and I have a history of depression/anxiety. His family ALSO (like your situation) has some undiagnosed mental problems --- but DH is of a culture where they don't talk about mental health problems. So, to top if off, I have to HIDE my depression and anxiety and can't even tell my DH's family that I am having trouble coping. They see it as a weakness and not an illness and they do not sympathize. It's amazing b/c my MIL has MAJOR mental issues and she and the family will not acknowledge it.

I also waited until I was in my late 30s to have kids -- had my second at age 40. I worry endlessly about my one child and whether or not she will be able to cope with the world when older. It's horrible and I can totally relate.

These are the things that have helped me: antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, individual therapy with a social worker once a week, group therapy with NAMI once a week, exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy (I keep a journal where I write down my FEARS and then counteract it with the reality of the situation.) My therapist reads my journal and helps me with my negative thoughts, fears and gives me coping skills.

I don't know I will ever be the same. But at least I am coping and functioning. [/quote]

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