Another question about the same preschool/daycare teacher - are my concerns justified?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if this is your first/only child and I didn't read your previous post. I would suggest that you listen to your gut, but also, how does your child respond to the teachers? Does he seem happy to the environment? I ask bc my oldest (who has been in a few different childcare situations--daycare, then nanny, then part-time preschool) and I've been happy with some teachers and much less happy with others. His most recent teacher, at preschool, was in my opinion much too strict and spoke to the kids really sharply at times. But DS loved her and had a great experience there. I ultimately learned to set aside my preference (which would have been for a more free-form, child-centered classroom) for what DS did well with, which was a lot of structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all, I have posted before...about the daycare center teacher (won't call it preschool as people start arguing whether it is really a preschool, whatever). The one who suggested that my son probably never used markers before (he colored himself in marker, arms and limbs).
So, this center has tons of ESL kids, several in our class. They all come there not knowing much English, so did my son. The teachers are supposedly experienced with them (and ESL themselves, btw).
So today the teachers told me that I need to teach my son to say NO in a softer way, or preferably even "No, thank you", as he says NO in a very sharp, determined way and it sounds rude.
Ok, I get it, they are right, and thanks for telling me, but when I told them I would def work on it but just wanted to let them know that he's not being rude, it is one of the few words he knows, so he tries to express as much as possible with it. After that, this teacher just gives me a blank stare - I kid you not.

I am fine with them informing me and asking to work on certain things like manners (even though this is more of a language thing), but it got me thinking if they really know what they are doing...and how much disciplining they do when I am not around that is just redundant at this stage...like, don't say this in this or that way -he is not yet capable to understand...I doubt it that KIDS are offended by a decisive NO - its probably the teachers?

So, am I being this precious snowflake's mom or are my concerns justified?

Precious snowflake mom. The teachers said that saying NO loudly sounds rude, and that you should work with your son to say no in a more polite manner. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with this. Their job is to help socialize your kid, and it sounds like that's what they are doing. If you don't like the center, fine, but this is not a great example of a problem. The teacher gave you a blank stare because he or she was trying not to say what they really thought about you and your explanation. If you agree that the teacher is right, you say, "I agree that Larlo needs to learn to say no more politely. I know he doesn't mean to be rude, so I'm sure he'll learn quickly."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

Clarify "ripped the teacher's head off."

And there is no way in hell that any daycare teacher of teething-aged kids is going to be able to prevent the sharing of germs. I witnessed (nearly every day) toddlers/babies taking toys out of another child's mouth and putting them directly into their own mouths. The daycare providers would have to staff enough people to do one-on-one defense to prevent this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

Clarify "ripped the teacher's head off."

And there is no way in hell that any daycare teacher of teething-aged kids is going to be able to prevent the sharing of germs. I witnessed (nearly every day) toddlers/babies taking toys out of another child's mouth and putting them directly into their own mouths. The daycare providers would have to staff enough people to do one-on-one defense to prevent this.

+1

babies put EVERYTHING in their mouths. if they share toys at all in daycare, and one hopes they do, they've been sharing spit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what? In the two years my son spent in daycare, I never had a single questionable experience, worry, or concern. You have had two in a week. Go with your instincts here. If something seems wrong, start finding him a new daycare. Language shouldn't be an obstacle. My mom spoke zero English when she started first grade. A month later she was fine and able to communicate.

Yes but this could depend on the temperament of the parent. OP seems a little sensitive to me. I too have never had any issues with my DD's preschool yet I know of two parents in my child's same class that have constant issues. Just because her gut is saying that it doesn't make it so necessarily. I have a feeling OP will have issues wherever she goes if such a non-event is causing her distress.

[Anonymous]

Leave OP. for some reason, you don't feel comfortable with this place, and you are looking for reasons to leave. So, trust your gut and start looking for a new place,

[Anonymous]

OP here.
My son is three, has a good vocabulary in his native language, but just started to learn English, so not much there.
PPs are right, I am sensitive, a first time mom, and a first time group care user. I don't want to switch daycares only because I feel offended over little things.
My son is still adapting, but seems happy there.
Again, the center itself is great in my opinion, it is this one teacher.
I did tell her that I agree and will work in the issue with my kid, but I tried to explain why he would even do that. He is not spirited by any means, he is on the shy side and not offensive overall. It is a language issue, I was surprised she suggested otherwise.
It mirrored the markers situation is that she again implied that I don't instill proper manners in him.

[Anonymous]

A note about the tone of his 'no' isn't saying your son has a rude disposition. Her blank look may have been your response saying he's not intending to be rude.

You may try asking more questions about your son's adjustment to hear how familiar she is with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
My son is three, has a good vocabulary in his native language, but just started to learn English, so not much there.
PPs are right, I am sensitive, a first time mom, and a first time group care user. I don't want to switch daycares only because I feel offended over little things.
My son is still adapting, but seems happy there.
Again, the center itself is great in my opinion, it is this one teacher.
I did tell her that I agree and will work in the issue with my kid, but I tried to explain why he would even do that. He is not spirited by any means, he is on the shy side and not offensive overall. It is a language issue, I was surprised she suggested otherwise.
It mirrored the markers situation is that she again implied that I don't instill proper manners in him.

The teacher isn't saying your kid is rude, she's saying that yelling "no" is not polite behavior and you need to work on teaching your son to use a proper tone. You want to make excuses for your kid, but the teacher doesn't care about your excuses. It doesn't really matter why your kid is yelling no. The point is that your kid needs to learn, not just language, but manners. You taking offense is your problem--I don't see that the teacher said you were doing a bad job teaching manners, but that this is one aspect of good manners you need to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

Clarify "ripped the teacher's head off."

And there is no way in hell that any daycare teacher of teething-aged kids is going to be able to prevent the sharing of germs. I witnessed (nearly every day) toddlers/babies taking toys out of another child's mouth and putting them directly into their own mouths. The daycare providers would have to staff enough people to do one-on-one defense to prevent this.

Hm, okay. I'll be nicer to the teachers. I guess we all have our insane moments. guess I better get prepared for more spit swapping. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
My son is three, has a good vocabulary in his native language, but just started to learn English, so not much there.
PPs are right, I am sensitive, a first time mom, and a first time group care user. I don't want to switch daycares only because I feel offended over little things.
My son is still adapting, but seems happy there.
Again, the center itself is great in my opinion, it is this one teacher.
I did tell her that I agree and will work in the issue with my kid, but I tried to explain why he would even do that. He is not spirited by any means, he is on the shy side and not offensive overall. It is a language issue, I was surprised she suggested otherwise.
It mirrored the markers situation is that she again implied that I don't instill proper manners in him.

Maybe the teacher could have approached the topic more politely, but at 3, it's not unreasonable to encourage your kid to say "no thank you" and to use an indoor voice. Sure kids get excited and shout but we can remind them to behave properly. No harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
My son is three, has a good vocabulary in his native language, but just started to learn English, so not much there.
PPs are right, I am sensitive, a first time mom, and a first time group care user. I don't want to switch daycares only because I feel offended over little things.
My son is still adapting, but seems happy there.
Again, the center itself is great in my opinion, it is this one teacher.
I did tell her that I agree and will work in the issue with my kid, but I tried to explain why he would even do that. He is not spirited by any means, he is on the shy side and not offensive overall. It is a language issue, I was surprised she suggested otherwise.
It mirrored the markers situation is that she again implied that I don't instill proper manners in him.

Oh my goodness! I feel terrible for Snowflake mom and the precious 3 year old! He's 3, 3, 3, and three year olds are sometimes loud and rambunctious and if your lucky, spirited. It was rude of the teacher to imply that you are not teaching your child manners at home because he says no loudly or because he wrote on himself with a marker. Those are both absolutely normal behaviors for a toddler. These are behaviors that a good teacher can gently discourage and ultimately change through modeling and communication. It would be very difficult for me to leave my son in a place where I felt like I had to worry about whether or not the teacher, his primary caretaker when I was not there, was not nurturing and gentle and kind with him.

These are formative years. He is learning to trust, or not to trust people other than mom and dad. He needs to feel acceptance and love even in correction. My concern is, if the teacher talks to you this way, if her currency is negative, 'You are bad, your kid is too loud. You must not be teaching him manners at home' versus positive, 'We are working on indoor voices with Billy this week. Can you help us at home by asking him to use an indoor voice inside?' which is really just a way of belittling someone, then what does she do with the children in her care who have even less of a compass and no real ability to verbalize what is happening around them, to them or to others?

You must follow your gut. Sometimes a teacher is not a good teacher, either for your kid, and sometimes for any kid. Find another place where your son will be enjoyed and liked for himself.. You will never get these years back, make these memories happy ones. There is nothing worse than looking back over your child's school year and wishing you had taken your sweet boy and put him in a classroom where he could blossom. Trust me I speak from experience, its better to be safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

That is pretty gross. Is there another daycare you could use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It mirrored the markers situation is that she again implied that I don't instill proper manners in him.

I missed the marker situation. Did he come to school covered in marker or did he come home from school covered in marker? If the former, then big whoop, lesson learned, pay more attention to him next time he's drawing. If the latter then wow, way to be defensive teacher. Sounds like she wasn't paying attention to him and was hoping to throw you off the scent by blaming you. Not a great method for dealing with mistakes.

[Anonymous]

OP, even as a complete stranger to you and your child and your daycare, I have to admit that something sounds "off" about this daycare just based on your descriptions of your interactions with staff, etc. It's clear you're getting the sense that it's not a good fit for your child - maybe it's time to find a new daycare? Trust your instincts on this one.