Another question about the same preschool/daycare teacher - are my concerns justified?

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I have posted before...about the daycare center teacher (won't call it preschool as people start arguing whether it is really a preschool, whatever). The one who suggested that my son probably never used markers before (he colored himself in marker, arms and limbs).
So, this center has tons of ESL kids, several in our class. They all come there not knowing much English, so did my son. The teachers are supposedly experienced with them (and ESL themselves, btw).
So today the teachers told me that I need to teach my son to say NO in a softer way, or preferably even "No, thank you", as he says NO in a very sharp, determined way and it sounds rude.
Ok, I get it, they are right, and thanks for telling me, but when I told them I would def work on it but just wanted to let them know that he's not being rude, it is one of the few words he knows, so he tries to express as much as possible with it. After that, this teacher just gives me a blank stare - I kid you not.

I am fine with them informing me and asking to work on certain things like manners (even though this is more of a language thing), but it got me thinking if they really know what they are doing...and how much disciplining they do when I am not around that is just redundant at this stage...like, don't say this in this or that way -he is not yet capable to understand...I doubt it that KIDS are offended by a decisive NO - its probably the teachers?

So, am I being this precious snowflake's mom or are my concerns justified?

[Anonymous]

Your concerns are not justified. Dial it back Snowflake Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your concerns are not justified. Dial it back Snowflake Mom.

I would love this is to be true

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is being rude? And loud? Give them the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

It's not about what offends or doesn't offend other kids. It's about teaching kids to conduct themselves appropriately in social and academic settings. My kids would love to discuss pee and poop. It would not bother them. But as their parent, it's my job to teach them what's appropriate conversation, tone of voice, etc.

[Anonymous]

^^ And I would expect their teachers to do the same.

[Anonymous]

I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

[Anonymous]

OP- bottom line is you sound unhappy with the daycare provider. Focus on finding a new one rather than ranting on DCUM. You are in charge of your family- do what you feel is best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

It's crazy that you "nearly ripped the teacher's head off." She didn't give your kid rat poison.

Kids put things in their mouth that others have played with all the time. That happens in homes and daycare all across America every single day. People who work with your kids make simple mistakes like giving a kid the wrong teething ring. They're working pretty hard and it seems like a mistake anyone could make.

I reserve the term unsanitary for things like "My daycare provider went to the bathroom and didn't wash her hands." Or " My daycare provider left the bottle with some milk outside for a couple of hours and then just emptied it out before refilling it with fresh milk."

[Anonymous]

It's fine to share what they are working on with you. I don't remember how old your kid is, but if he's only got a couple of words, like "no," then he's too young to understand the concept of manners to any large degree. That doesn't mean you don't teach him please and thank you. You do. By modeling it. But he doesn't get that he's being rude, so the teacher shouldn't focus on that.

The teacher doesn't seem to understand what's developmentally appropriate. That would concern me. Failing to understand that could bring on more incidences of her expecting certain things your child is not yet capable of. Setting him up for failure, if you will, which is bad at any age, but particularly bad for very young kids.

If there is a way to switch teachers, I'd explore that. But it might be a problem with the overall culture of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned by that. But, maybe I am crazy, too, in other ways: I am freaked out because my daycare gives teething daughter teething rings that are not hers. To me, that is gross, like sharing toothbrushes. I nearly ripped the teacher's head off. Not to highjack, but am I crazy or is that unsanitary?

Our daycare has teething rings that everyone uses. However, they get washed each time one child uses them. What's the big deal? It's like having a cup, that everyone uses but it gets washed after each use. Same as utensils, plates, etc. If you recently went off on the teachers just for that, I advise you to apologize. Just let them know that you prefer she uses her own and bring some in for them.

But back to OP. The teachers seem to think that he is being rude in his use of the word no. Just say you will work on it at home and let it go. You aren't there with your child to know what's really going on. This does not mean that the teachers don't know what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son?

[Anonymous]

If he's old enough to say 'no' then he's old enough to be told how to say 'no.'

[Anonymous]

You know what? In the two years my son spent in daycare, I never had a single questionable experience, worry, or concern. You have had two in a week. Go with your instincts here. If something seems wrong, start finding him a new daycare. Language shouldn't be an obstacle. My mom spoke zero English when she started first grade. A month later she was fine and able to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all, I have posted before...about the daycare center teacher (won't call it preschool as people start arguing whether it is really a preschool, whatever). The one who suggested that my son probably never used markers before (he colored himself in marker, arms and limbs).
So, this center has tons of ESL kids, several in our class. They all come there not knowing much English, so did my son. The teachers are supposedly experienced with them (and ESL themselves, btw).
So today the teachers told me that I need to teach my son to say NO in a softer way, or preferably even "No, thank you", as he says NO in a very sharp, determined way and it sounds rude.
Ok, I get it, they are right, and thanks for telling me, but when I told them I would def work on it but just wanted to let them know that he's not being rude, it is one of the few words he knows, so he tries to express as much as possible with it. After that, this teacher just gives me a blank stare - I kid you not.

I am fine with them informing me and asking to work on certain things like manners (even though this is more of a language thing), but it got me thinking if they really know what they are doing...and how much disciplining they do when I am not around that is just redundant at this stage...like, don't say this in this or that way -he is not yet capable to understand...I doubt it that KIDS are offended by a decisive NO - its probably the teachers?

So, am I being this precious snowflake's mom or are my concerns justified?

Maybe the bigger issue is, deep down inside, you 're really ambivalent about this center in general. At least it seems that way based on your posts. You have to ask yourself if this is a concern about this particular center or will you feel similarly uncomfortable in any center? If it's the center, then start looking for another. If it's daycare in general then start considering another form of care such as a nanny or nanny share, au pair, etc...I say this as someone who now realizes some of the nitpicky issues I had with our daycare I really could and should have let go. The issues were more about my poutiness over losing a nanny we loved (could no longer afford her) and less about the center. The daycare wasn't perfect, but I shouldn't have felt as annoyed about little things. Lesson learned, fwiw.