Graduation gifts but no thank you notes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little off topic, but I think the problem started/ was made worse by the idea that brides have a year to write wedding thank you notes. (Really?? A YEAR?) Trickle down result is that many have gotten slack about them, especially the 1-2 week rule. OP, if graduation was only 6 weeks or so ago, you may still get a thank you note.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm a recent college grad and I'm definitely in this boat. I've been working like crazy this summer trying to save up for grad school, so I haven't had time to get them out yet. But I've got the thank you cards purchased and will definitely send them out before I go off to grad school in the fall!

The summer after graduation isn't nearly as relaxing as any other summer. A recent HS grad is busy enrolling, filling out forms, getting stuff for the dorm, coordinating with roommates, and likely working. A recent college grad is trying to find a job, set up their first real place, sort through dorm vs. home belongings, etc. And if you're like me and going straight to grad school, you've got a delightful combination of both those categories! Unfortunately thank you cards aren't always at the top of the list, but they are ON the list.

[Anonymous]

Eh, whatever. We also sent out some cards for a couple cousins and niece. No notes, but received nice phone calls. Is it really that serious?

In our community, thank you notes are rarely given, so I'm not bothered at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little off topic, but I think the problem started/ was made worse by the idea that brides have a year to write wedding thank you notes. (Really?? A YEAR?) Trickle down result is that many have gotten slack about them, especially the 1-2 week rule. OP, if graduation was only 6 weeks or so ago, you may still get a thank you note.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm a recent college grad and I'm definitely in this boat. I've been working like crazy this summer trying to save up for grad school, so I haven't had time to get them out yet. But I've got the thank you cards purchased and will definitely send them out before I go off to grad school in the fall!

The summer after graduation isn't nearly as relaxing as any other summer. A recent HS grad is busy enrolling, filling out forms, getting stuff for the dorm, coordinating with roommates, and likely working. A recent college grad is trying to find a job, set up their first real place, sort through dorm vs. home belongings, etc. And if you're like me and going straight to grad school, you've got a delightful combination of both those categories! Unfortunately thank you cards aren't always at the top of the list, but they are ON the list.

Give me a break. The day you open the gift is the day you write the note. It takes ten minutes, tops. If it takes longer it's because you haven't been practicing for years. Write the notes and send them out, stop coming up with excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little off topic, but I think the problem started/ was made worse by the idea that brides have a year to write wedding thank you notes. (Really?? A YEAR?) Trickle down result is that many have gotten slack about them, especially the 1-2 week rule. OP, if graduation was only 6 weeks or so ago, you may still get a thank you note.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm a recent college grad and I'm definitely in this boat. I've been working like crazy this summer trying to save up for grad school, so I haven't had time to get them out yet. But I've got the thank you cards purchased and will definitely send them out before I go off to grad school in the fall!

The summer after graduation isn't nearly as relaxing as any other summer. A recent HS grad is busy enrolling, filling out forms, getting stuff for the dorm, coordinating with roommates, and likely working. A recent college grad is trying to find a job, set up their first real place, sort through dorm vs. home belongings, etc. And if you're like me and going straight to grad school, you've got a delightful combination of both those categories! Unfortunately thank you cards aren't always at the top of the list, but they are ON the list.

Give me a break. The day you open the gift is the day you write the note. It takes ten minutes, tops. If it takes longer it's because you haven't been practicing for years. Write the notes and send them out, stop coming up with excuses.

I anticipated getting a response like this, so I'm not going to go in to great detail about the reasons I haven't had time (which include 60 hour work weeks, sick family members, and a complicated grad school process). But if it really means that much to you that I get you your thank you card within two weeks instead of five (even though I thanked everyone profusely when I received the gifts), then you didn't need to bother getting me the gift to begin with.

[Anonymous]

^^ And we won't. I don't give gifts to teens or young adults who don't have the courtesy to write notes, and that includes my nieces. My kids have always written notes, even if all they could do was draw a little picture or trace their hands. Always. And, guess what? Everyone remembers. When we sent out high school graduation announcements I was surprised and astounded at how many friends and acquaintances sent DC lovely gifts and gift cards. Several were over $200. $2000 from grandparents. People were extremely generous. I wasn't expecting anything. And I think it is because they remember that DC always wrote them to say thanks for any acts of kindness or gifts. It's now ingrained with both kids. If someone takes the time to send you something, the least you can do is acknowledge it with a note that takes 7 minutes max. to write.

[Anonymous]

I have given gifts and received thank yous and not received thank yous, and I dont care either way. I dont give to receive anything in return. The act of giving is what makes me happy. And that is what I am teaching my own kids.

Giving a gift and then immediately harboring resentment because you dont get something back, and complaining about how rude the person is that you just gave to? that is just negativity i dont want in my life.

If you get a gift from me, write a note, dont write a note--whatever! Just enjoy my gift. I've given it to you because I like you and I want to celebrate with you and for you-not because I got an announcement and felt obligated, and not because I am friends with your mother and felt like I 'had" to.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those stupid outdated sections of the etiquette book. Yes, a written thank you is a nice gesture. But if you can 1) thank the person in person, 2) do it on the phone or 3) do it online somehow (in descending order of preference), I really think that ought to be sufficient, and doesn't make you tacky. At least to me, it's the gratitude that counts, not the stationery and stamp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little off topic, but I think the problem started/ was made worse by the idea that brides have a year to write wedding thank you notes. (Really?? A YEAR?) Trickle down result is that many have gotten slack about them, especially the 1-2 week rule. OP, if graduation was only 6 weeks or so ago, you may still get a thank you note.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm a recent college grad and I'm definitely in this boat. I've been working like crazy this summer trying to save up for grad school, so I haven't had time to get them out yet. But I've got the thank you cards purchased and will definitely send them out before I go off to grad school in the fall!

The summer after graduation isn't nearly as relaxing as any other summer. A recent HS grad is busy enrolling, filling out forms, getting stuff for the dorm, coordinating with roommates, and likely working. A recent college grad is trying to find a job, set up their first real place, sort through dorm vs. home belongings, etc. And if you're like me and going straight to grad school, you've got a delightful combination of both those categories! Unfortunately thank you cards aren't always at the top of the list, but they are ON the list.

Give me a break. The day you open the gift is the day you write the note. It takes ten minutes, tops. If it takes longer it's because you haven't been practicing for years. Write the notes and send them out, stop coming up with excuses.

I anticipated getting a response like this, so I'm not going to go in to great detail about the reasons I haven't had time (which include 60 hour work weeks, sick family members, and a complicated grad school process). But if it really means that much to you that I get you your thank you card within two weeks instead of five (even though I thanked everyone profusely when I received the gifts), then you didn't need to bother getting me the gift to begin with.

And, apparently, a lot of time on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have given gifts and received thank yous and not received thank yous, and I dont care either way. I dont give to receive anything in return. The act of giving is what makes me happy. And that is what I am teaching my own kids.

Giving a gift and then immediately harboring resentment because you dont get something back, and complaining about how rude the person is that you just gave to? that is just negativity i dont want in my life.

If you get a gift from me, write a note, dont write a note--whatever! Just enjoy my gift. I've given it to you because I like you and I want to celebrate with you and for you-not because I got an announcement and felt obligated, and not because I am friends with your mother and felt like I 'had" to.

+1,000

I couldn't have said it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have given gifts and received thank yous and not received thank yous, and I dont care either way. I dont give to receive anything in return. The act of giving is what makes me happy. And that is what I am teaching my own kids.

Giving a gift and then immediately harboring resentment because you dont get something back, and complaining about how rude the person is that you just gave to? that is just negativity i dont want in my life.

If you get a gift from me, write a note, dont write a note--whatever! Just enjoy my gift. I've given it to you because I like you and I want to celebrate with you and for you-not because I got an announcement and felt obligated, and not because I am friends with your mother and felt like I 'had" to.

+1,000

I couldn't have said it better.

So true!
Why would anyone turn gift giving into a topic all about themselves (and be so upset to post it on DCUM). I'm thinking that's pretty poor etiquette...

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, they should have written a thank you note. It takes very little time to be polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm a recent college grad and I'm definitely in this boat. I've been working like crazy this summer trying to save up for grad school, so I haven't had time to get them out yet. But I've got the thank you cards purchased and will definitely send them out before I go off to grad school in the fall!

The summer after graduation isn't nearly as relaxing as any other summer. A recent HS grad is busy enrolling, filling out forms, getting stuff for the dorm, coordinating with roommates, and likely working. A recent college grad is trying to find a job, set up their first real place, sort through dorm vs. home belongings, etc. And if you're like me and going straight to grad school, you've got a delightful combination of both those categories! Unfortunately thank you cards aren't always at the top of the list, but they are ON the list.

If you are really that busy and don't have the time to send out "thank you" notes promptly just tell people that you would rather not receive any gifts but instead contribute the money to your favorite charity.

I also feel that if you receive and accept a gift, common courtesy requires that you send a thank you note promptly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have given gifts and received thank yous and not received thank yous, and I dont care either way. I dont give to receive anything in return. The act of giving is what makes me happy. And that is what I am teaching my own kids.

Giving a gift and then immediately harboring resentment because you dont get something back, and complaining about how rude the person is that you just gave to? that is just negativity i dont want in my life.

If you get a gift from me, write a note, dont write a note--whatever! Just enjoy my gift. I've given it to you because I like you and I want to celebrate with you and for you-not because I got an announcement and felt obligated, and not because I am friends with your mother and felt like I 'had" to.

+1,000

I couldn't have said it better.

So true!
Why would anyone turn gift giving into a topic all about themselves (and be so upset to post it on DCUM). I'm thinking that's pretty poor etiquette...

It's funny, your post has me wondering if I'm giving because I don't want to. I'm happy to let ty notes go by the wayside, if shelling out big gifts for graduations would go by the wayside. We give $50 for random kids and $75 for close family friend kids. We give $100 for family member kids (like random cousins), and nieces and nephews about $400.

We've gotten one thank you in about 10 years. One distant family didn't give a ty (after $100) and I didn't hear from her for four years until the college announcement, so I sent a note without cash. Now, we haven't gotten invited to the wedding or gotten announcement for the baby. And, her mom thinks she is SO divine, compared to her step-sibling, who did write a nice thank you.

My nephew didn't respond in writing, call, or even when we saw him in person the next month. Finally, about 6 months later, his mom wrote a thank you, as if it was coming from him (but we obviously know her writing).

I'm a tiny bit ticked when we don't get thank yous for bday or holiday gifts, but whatever. However, graduation seems like you're finally an adult, so it really bugs me. My mom wouldn't let me use the $1,500 I got in gifts before I wrote notes. I'm old-fashioned, and stingy, so I would be happy to see the gift of cash fall into history.

[Anonymous]

^^ I'm reading your post, wondering why you keep giving all of these "random" people (friends and relatives) gifts at all?

If you are handing out random people money, I'd be happy to provide my address.

Seriously, quit giving out of a misled sense of obligation. Just because a neighbor down the street has known you for 5 years does not mean that you give a chunk of money to their kid who you've never spoken to.

If you dont feel it, dont give it!

[Anonymous]

What do people do with the thank you notes they receive?

I say "thank you" in person or have ds phone. The only thank you notes to go out of his house were for wedding gifts.

OP, the recipients should have said thank you in some way.