Graduation gifts but no thank you notes

[Anonymous]

Two young neighbors recently graduated, one from college and one from HS. We are not close friends with the families but on good terms. We delivered cards to their homes with some cash inside. In one instance the card was left with a parent, and in the other my DC delivered it and I think the graduate answered the door.

Is it too much to think we might get a note of thanks? It's mid-July and neither one has bothered. Or do people that age just not send written acknowledgements?

[Anonymous]

It's not that serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two young neighbors recently graduated, one from college and one from HS. We are not close friends with the families but on good terms. We delivered cards to their homes with some cash inside. In one instance the card was left with a parent, and in the other my DC delivered it and I think the graduate answered the door.

Is it too much to think we might get a note of thanks? It's mid-July and neither one has bothered. Or do people that age just not send written acknowledgements?

I grew up in a diplomatic household -- very formal, stickler for etiquette, and was always taught that if you were able to thank the person in person, you didn't need to write a thank you note.

I wrote thank you notes on Christmas day before I played with the gifts from distant relatives, but wouldn't have written one for someone who brought it to my door and handed it to me.

[Anonymous]

Most people are tacky and do not send thank you cards. It ticks me off too and I remember the families that have not taught their kids proper manners.

[Anonymous]

I think this is actually rampant amongst kids today, and even adults under 40 or so. Thank you notes are fast dying out and it's a really sad thing, I think. I grew up that even if you thanked them in person, you still wrote a note.

[Anonymous]

My parents never let me have the cash until I wrote the thank you note. That taught me very well from a young age. So much so that when someone left a gift at my front door recently with no note, I panicked until I could figure out who it was so I could write a note. I eventually did.

[Anonymous]

My understanding of the etiquette of thank you notes is what the PP said - you only need to write them if you were not able to thank the person directly. That was the whole reason for thank you notes - it's the only way you are able to say thank you - why repeat the thank you...?! So, if we are to be kind to the kids they were actually following etiquette since you guys delivered them in person rather than mailing them. Of course, that may be too generous and they may never have sent a thank you note even if received in the mail...

[Anonymous]

Not exactly. Yes, you do write a thank you note even if you thanked the giver in person.
Preferably written and sent within 1-2 weeks.

My kids write thank you's for gifts. It's just
automatic after all these years. They write great notes, and unfortunately, their peers generally don't. They don't live at home and I know they still write nice notes without me asking.

Start when they are little.

Gratitude is learned behavior. It can be taught. Manners can be taught as well.

Don't raise kids who are ungrateful and can't be bothered to thank people in a note.

[Anonymous]

Pp here.

There may be a class issue here as well. I grew up in an old money, waspy family. Thank you notes were expected and are still expected in that culture. Thank you notes have not gone out of style, at least in that subset of society.

[Anonymous]

We dont do thank you cards if we say thank you in person. Only if we dont see the person personally. Which in your case, sounds like it is the case for at least one of your gifts. So yeah thats just rude.

Wondering why you gave cash to a neighbor's kids who you arent really close with. I know thats not the point of your question, just sounds odd. Sounds like you arent really even friends with them?

If I gave gifts to every neighbor I was only on "good terms" with...holy smokes.

[Anonymous]

This is why two of my friends' kids did not receive a grad gift. Just sent a card.

[Anonymous]

My DS just saw everyone who was at his confirmation. He thanked them, but then we had him send a thank you e-mail with pictures attached to those addresses we had. We had pictures mailed to those who sent gifts but couldn't come.

People don't send notes any more. But those who give gifts appreciate the acknowledement. This is part of living in community. But OP, you could say something to your neighbors, " I didn't hear from xxx. Did they received my card?" In the end, we want to know if people a) got the gift and b) and how they felt about it. So, I think we should teach our kids to make that extra effort to say thank you in person, or drop a note - either electronic or in the mail.

[Anonymous]

A little off topic, but I think the problem started/ was made worse by the idea that brides have a year to write wedding thank you notes. (Really?? A YEAR?) Trickle down result is that many have gotten slack about them, especially the 1-2 week rule. OP, if graduation was only 6 weeks or so ago, you may still get a thank you note.

Wouldn't that be nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We dont do thank you cards if we say thank you in person. Only if we dont see the person personally. Which in your case, sounds like it is the case for at least one of your gifts. So yeah thats just rude.

Wondering why you gave cash to a neighbor's kids who you arent really close with. I know thats not the point of your question, just sounds odd. Sounds like you arent really even friends with them?

If I gave gifts to every neighbor I was only on "good terms" with...holy smokes.

My guess is because she got an announcement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little off topic, but I think the problem started/ was made worse by the idea that brides have a year to write wedding thank you notes. (Really?? A YEAR?) Trickle down result is that many have gotten slack about them, especially the 1-2 week rule. OP, if graduation was only 6 weeks or so ago, you may still get a thank you note.

Wouldn't that be nice?

THIS myth again. NO, the bride doesn't have a year in which to write her notes. The gift givers have a year in which to send a gift because the bride is a bride for the first year. The bride (and in my case) the groom should write their notes immediately upon receipt.