Niece's eating habits - should I mind my own business?

[Anonymous]

I know the girls' parents have seen how large she is, but how many parents don't address issues head on? To me, that's what family is for. You're not criticizing the parenting, you're letting them know about your concerns. Your the aunt. I think its ok.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother once informed me I was heavy. I am no longer heavy, and I no longer enjoy grandma's company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's to tell? They know. It's none of your business. Your niece's body is hers.

Not everyone is as particular about food as others. We eat large portions and food we believe tastes good. You would call it junk. I would be offended if my family tried to tell us we weren't living the way they thought we should. I'm sure my mom thinks we eat too much. I would be annoyed if she tried to tell us what was her version of right. Not everyone likes to eat healthy. Most of my extended family eats for taste and is over weight. Some how most of them live happy, successful lives into their 80s and 90s. I'm over weight and I have a great family and job. MYOB and let other people love their lives the way they want.

[Anonymous]

You know your brother and your relationship with him the best. How would he take it? Can you do it in a very non confrontational and sensitive way? I don't think you have to myob. She's your niece, you love her and you see she's headed down the wrong path. I would just be weary of this impacting your relationship with your brother/SIL. Although maybe the fact you already talked about healthy eating and rented that movie was enough to get your point across

It's a shame parents let their kids get that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother once informed me I was heavy. I am no longer heavy, and I no longer enjoy grandma's company.

Too bad. Maybe if people weren't so over sensitive we wouldn't have such an obesity problem. Good for your grandma (assuming she told you in a sensitive way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother once informed me I was heavy. I am no longer heavy, and I no longer enjoy grandma's company.

Too bad. Maybe if people weren't so over sensitive we wouldn't have such an obesity problem. Good for your grandma (assuming she told you in a sensitive way).

Right, sensitivity is the problem and not the crap food that is everywhere, stressful lifestlyes that make crap food appealing, and the fact that people don't really have anyone to teach them meal planning and preparation. Momma is too busy at the office and having affairs.

Go have sex with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother once informed me I was heavy. I am no longer heavy, and I no longer enjoy grandma's company.

Too bad. Maybe if people weren't so over sensitive we wouldn't have such an obesity problem. Good for your grandma (assuming she told you in a sensitive way).

Right, sensitivity is the problem and not the crap food that is everywhere, stressful lifestlyes that make crap food appealing, and the fact that people don't really have anyone to teach them meal planning and preparation. Momma is too busy at the office and having affairs.

Go have sex with your husband.

We had awesome sex last night but thanks for your concern.
When are ppl going to take personal responsibility?? Anyone holding a gun to someone's head to force those twinkies down their throats? Please.

[Anonymous]

Your niece ate all of these things in front of her parents, right? So they already know and there's nothing for you to share with them. When they're coming over, you can keep only healthy snack stocked in your kitchen - fruit, veggies, unsweetened yogurt. Prepare veggies and serve them up on her plate - I didn't know I could like anything green until a babysitter insisted I try her steamed broccoli with lemon and salt. It was delicious. You can also prepare dishes that only have enough portions for everyone to eat one plate of food. That's really all you can do - role model good eating and give her a chance to try it out when she's with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother once informed me I was heavy. I am no longer heavy, and I no longer enjoy grandma's company.

Too bad. Maybe if people weren't so over sensitive we wouldn't have such an obesity problem. Good for your grandma (assuming she told you in a sensitive way).

Right, sensitivity is the problem and not the crap food that is everywhere, stressful lifestlyes that make crap food appealing, and the fact that people don't really have anyone to teach them meal planning and preparation. Momma is too busy at the office and having affairs.

Go have sex with your husband.

We had awesome sex last night but thanks for your concern.
When are ppl going to take personal responsibility?? Anyone holding a gun to someone's head to force those twinkies down their throats? Please.

New poster. You totally missed the point. The obesity crisis is not caused by obese people who need to be told that they are fat. They know already.

Get a clue. You need to be told how foolish you are.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was that child at 13. I agree that you have already humiliated this child enough by having a lecture on healthy eating and having her watch Super Size Me. Way, Way, too much information for her at this point.

She knows she is overweight. I'm sure she hears it every day. Her parents are also aware.

Don't start a war about this child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother once informed me I was heavy. I am no longer heavy, and I no longer enjoy grandma's company.

Too bad. Maybe if people weren't so over sensitive we wouldn't have such an obesity problem. Good for your grandma (assuming she told you in a sensitive way).

My grandmother had five grandaughters. When we were in a new environment and she was talking to people, she would say (in her thick German accent), "Yeah, that's my granddaughter over there. The fat one." She could be talking about any one of us, all of whom weren't obese, but certainly were not skinny. Didn't make me love her any less. We need to take the sting out of the word "fat." It carries too much weight (pun not really intended).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your niece ate all of these things in front of her parents, right? So they already know and there's nothing for you to share with them. When they're coming over, you can keep only healthy snack stocked in your kitchen - fruit, veggies, unsweetened yogurt. Prepare veggies and serve them up on her plate - I didn't know I could like anything green until a babysitter insisted I try her steamed broccoli with lemon and salt. It was delicious. You can also prepare dishes that only have enough portions for everyone to eat one plate of food. That's really all you can do - role model good eating and give her a chance to try it out when she's with you.

No, the parents do not necessarily know their kid is in trouble here, even if she eats like this right in front of them. They may be so used to her eating like this --and they may eat like this themselves -- that they are unaware that she's overeating.

Many people posting here are also saying "butt out because the parents already know" and that the girl herself knows she's overweight. That's a huge assumption and not necessarily true. The parents may be in denial or just so into overeating themselves that they think it's normal and OK. They may have a bad case of "She's a growing kid; it's still just baby fat; she'll drop the weight when she gets a little taller" and so on. But by then her habits will be firmly established and very difficult (and more emotionally damaging) to break.

OP, as others note, a LOT here depends on your relationship and communications with her parents. Go to your sibling first -- not your in-law -- and talk privately. And at your house, keep portions controlled (never cook enough for anyone to have seconds) and turn all desserts into ones that are mostly about fruit (fruit salad with a little whipped cream, whatever). What is not IN your house cannot be eaten by anyone, so keep stuff that you might eat in small quantities, but she would eat in large quantities, out of the house altogether whenever she visits.

If you prefer not to talk to the parents, depending on where you live and your relationship with the girl, you could join a rec center "healthy cooking" class or short-term (6-10 week) fitness class and invite her to join you for that. Do not mention weight at all if you try this. Just say it's a fun thing for the two of you to do together. Model healthy behavior for her but don't push her or lecture her.

It's unfortunate, though, that you showed "Super Size Me." That was heavy-handed of you and might have wrecked any chances to try subtler things like inviting your niece to attend a cooking or fitness class with you. Dad and mom might be pretty peeved about that and you might need to do a mea culpa and admit that it was not a good choice for family movie night before you can talk with them about your concerns.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything but especially when you are the adult in control of her food show her how to enjoy the healthy food and in proportion. I had this problem with a niece but rather than embarrass her or her family when they ate with me I made sure to serve the healthy food. I fixed the plates and I also made sure to run out of food so no seconds (at least the same size would be fixed). I also entertained in a way that food wasn't the focal point, (games, movies or another activity). If she was still "starving" later then her parents could make the conscious decision to feed her.

A comedian said "Vegetarians make you have food for them but when you go their house they make you eat their food"

[Anonymous]

If you're concerned about your niece, take a moment to tactfully express those concerns to her parents.

I got pudgy as a tween/early teen and I actually motivated myself to lose the weight and exercise daily. You can't do this for your niece, no one can.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:47. The parents may be in denial or may have gotten used to their daughter's eating habits and no longer notice. Sometimes it takes an outsider's input to make you wake up to a situation.