Reply to Niece's eating habits - should I mind my own business?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your niece ate all of these things in front of her parents, right? So they already know and there's nothing for you to share with them. When they're coming over, you can keep only healthy snack stocked in your kitchen - fruit, veggies, unsweetened yogurt. Prepare veggies and serve them up on her plate - I didn't know I could like anything green until a babysitter insisted I try her steamed broccoli with lemon and salt. It was delicious. You can also prepare dishes that only have enough portions for everyone to eat one plate of food. That's really all you can do - role model good eating and give her a chance to try it out when she's with you. [/quote]

No, the parents do not necessarily know their kid is in trouble here, even if she eats like this right in front of them. They may be so used to her eating like this --and they may eat like this themselves -- that they are unaware that she's overeating.

Many people posting here are also saying "butt out because the parents already know" and that the girl herself knows she's overweight. That's a huge assumption and not necessarily true. The parents may be in denial or just so into overeating themselves that they think it's normal and OK. They may have a bad case of "She's a growing kid; it's still just baby fat; she'll drop the weight when she gets a little taller" and so on. But by then her habits will be firmly established and very difficult (and more emotionally damaging) to break.

OP, as others note, a LOT here depends on your relationship and communications with her parents. Go to your sibling first -- not your in-law -- and talk privately. And at your house, keep portions controlled (never cook enough for anyone to have seconds) and turn all desserts into ones that are mostly about fruit (fruit salad with a little whipped cream, whatever). What is not IN your house cannot be eaten by anyone, so keep stuff that you might eat in small quantities, but she would eat in large quantities, out of the house altogether whenever she visits.

If you prefer not to talk to the parents, depending on where you live and your relationship with the girl, you could join a rec center "healthy cooking" class or short-term (6-10 week) fitness class and invite her to join you for that. Do not mention weight at all if you try this. Just say it's a fun thing for the two of you to do together. Model healthy behavior for her but don't push her or lecture her.

It's unfortunate, though, that you showed "Super Size Me." That was heavy-handed of you and might have wrecked any chances to try subtler things like inviting your niece to attend a cooking or fitness class with you. Dad and mom might be pretty peeved about that and you might need to do a mea culpa and admit that it was not a good choice for family movie night before you can talk with them about your concerns.[/quote]

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