no-sex marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's different for guys. It's our job to initiate and not get butt hurt when the women say "no." And, when they say something short of "no," to make sure they don't really mean "try harder" and "initiate better."

Generally guys have more options for sparking the responsive desire of their wives. Get in good shape, make more money, be more decisive and confident, start warming her up earlier in the day, and rely more on actions than words when you start the initiation. And, again, if she says no, don't get all pissy about it. Go do something fun and try again tomorrow.

That won't always work, but (and I'm guilty of this), I think too many guys get in a sexual death spiral when we let our egos get bruised by rejection. It's totally natural, but it's an attraction killer. Lowered attraction leads to more rejection leads to less initiation leads to lower self-esteem leads to more pressure on the sex you do have leads to less enjoyable sex leads to more rejection, less attraction, and less initiation.

Outstandingly perceptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's different for guys. It's our job to initiate and not get butt hurt when the women say "no." And, when they say something short of "no," to make sure they don't really mean "try harder" and "initiate better."

Generally guys have more options for sparking the responsive desire of their wives. Get in good shape, make more money, be more decisive and confident, start warming her up earlier in the day, and rely more on actions than words when you start the initiation. And, again, if she says no, don't get all pissy about it. Go do something fun and try again tomorrow.

That won't always work, but (and I'm guilty of this), I think too many guys get in a sexual death spiral when we let our egos get bruised by rejection. It's totally natural, but it's an attraction killer. Lowered attraction leads to more rejection leads to less initiation leads to lower self-esteem leads to more pressure on the sex you do have leads to less enjoyable sex leads to more rejection, less attraction, and less initiation.

Outstandingly perceptive.

3rd this. 4th it too.

[Anonymous]

A stressful job can make a man lose interest in sex. What have you done to make his life less stressful? What have you done to encourage him to look at other job options?

I am speaking from experience btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's different for guys. It's our job to initiate and not get butt hurt when the women say "no." And, when they say something short of "no," to make sure they don't really mean "try harder" and "initiate better."

Generally guys have more options for sparking the responsive desire of their wives. Get in good shape, make more money, be more decisive and confident, start warming her up earlier in the day, and rely more on actions than words when you start the initiation. And, again, if she says no, don't get all pissy about it. Go do something fun and try again tomorrow.

That won't always work, but (and I'm guilty of this), I think too many guys get in a sexual death spiral when we let our egos get bruised by rejection. It's totally natural, but it's an attraction killer. Lowered attraction leads to more rejection leads to less initiation leads to lower self-esteem leads to more pressure on the sex you do have leads to less enjoyable sex leads to more rejection, less attraction, and less initiation.

If my DW works part time... And I have a stessful job which provides for now and the future.. I get home early to spend time with the kids (2 kids) for extracurricular activities and get them ready for bed. Stay up late to work work for my job. Wakes up with the kids... Help the kids get breakfest and ready for school/camp.. Drives them to school/camp on the way to work.... While the DW sleeps in and slowly wakes up to enjoy her coffee while she reads her email... Do you think the DH deserves some love and affection? I have gotten into shape.. I have a very good salary... The more I put in the less I get out... But I am suppose to do more? And it is my fault that she has not hugged me or given me more than a little kiss on my cheek during the last year...?

In the relationship... Do you feel the DH has to do everything? Your sexual death spiral theory does not apply to all situations. I could share more to prove your theory wrong, but I just don't want to post the private details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's different for guys. It's our job to initiate and not get butt hurt when the women say "no." And, when they say something short of "no," to make sure they don't really mean "try harder" and "initiate better."

Generally guys have more options for sparking the responsive desire of their wives. Get in good shape, make more money, be more decisive and confident, start warming her up earlier in the day, and rely more on actions than words when you start the initiation. And, again, if she says no, don't get all pissy about it. Go do something fun and try again tomorrow.

That won't always work, but (and I'm guilty of this), I think too many guys get in a sexual death spiral when we let our egos get bruised by rejection. It's totally natural, but it's an attraction killer. Lowered attraction leads to more rejection leads to less initiation leads to lower self-esteem leads to more pressure on the sex you do have leads to less enjoyable sex leads to more rejection, less attraction, and less initiation.

If my DW works part time... And I have a stessful job which provides for now and the future.. I get home early to spend time with the kids (2 kids) for extracurricular activities and get them ready for bed. Stay up late to work work for my job. Wakes up with the kids... Help the kids get breakfest and ready for school/camp.. Drives them to school/camp on the way to work.... While the DW sleeps in and slowly wakes up to enjoy her coffee while she reads her email... Do you think the DH deserves some love and affection? I have gotten into shape.. I have a very good salary... The more I put in the less I get out... But I am suppose to do more? And it is my fault that she has not hugged me or given me more than a little kiss on my cheek during the last year...?

In the relationship... Do you feel the DH has to do everything? Your sexual death spiral theory does not apply to all situations. I could share more to prove your theory wrong, but I just don't want to post the private details.

PP here. I'm a guy, and I could talk about how unfair it is that husbands usually have to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the couple's sex life. It certainly can be unfair. Hell, maybe you could even put together a spreadsheet or a power point presentation that makes a powerful argument about how, logically and equitably, she should be initiating sex more often. But sexual attraction isn't anywhere close to that logical.

First of all, don't tie sex to all the effort and money you contribute to the marriage. One is only marginally related to the other. And you'll drive yourself crazy, because if you add it up, hookers are way cheaper.

Leading to the second point: covert contracts don't work. "If I put the kids to bed, wash the dishes, and bring in $x thousand dollars per year; she ought to want to fuck me." Sadly, no.

Do your part around the house and family, because it's your house and family. If she's not pulling her weight around the house, don't pull it for her in hopes that she'll be grateful and have sex with you. Tell her to step up and do her part. Keep the sex separate. Then be the kind of guy she wants to have an affair with. Sometimes that might mean being a bit selfish and a bit of an asshole. Take a look around and look at the types of guys women sleep with when they have options: good looking assholes in many cases. Don't go overboard with that, but keep it in mind when you're wondering why your sex life is in the dumps.

[Anonymous]

Monogamy sucks. As someone who really is not that interested in sex much with my husband, I'm certainly still interested in sex. I'd love some variety.

However, that is not acceptable in our culture-so I don't go there. I understand how important sex is to my husband so I try to make sure it happens at least twice a week. I would expect that if I were not having sex with him that he would go find someone to have sex with. Who possibly expects otherwise? People do not get married and be expected to live a celibate life! That is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Monogamy sucks. As someone who really is not that interested in sex much with my husband, I'm certainly still interested in sex. I'd love some variety.

However, that is not acceptable in our culture-so I don't go there. I understand how important sex is to my husband so I try to make sure it happens at least twice a week. I would expect that if I were not having sex with him that he would go find someone to have sex with. Who possibly expects otherwise? People do not get married and be expected to live a celibate life! That is crazy.

Monogamy is kind of like democracy inasmuch as it sucks, but less than the alternatives. Overall, I think the benefits of a stable marriage generally outweigh the benefits of a sex life with multiple partners. And, I think, for most couples, non-monogamy destabilizes the marriage.

And, I wouldn't be surprised if your husband had similar thoughts -- that sex with new women might be more exciting. But, it's like Mel Brooks said, "Sex is like pizza - even when it's bad, it's still pretty good." So for most people, I think (monogamous sex + stable marriage) > (polygamous sex + destabilized marriage). However, at some point, lack of sex or crappy, starfish sex can become such a problem that it outweighs the benefits of marriage.

[Anonymous]

"And, I wouldn't be surprised if your husband had similar thoughts -- that sex with new women might be more exciting. But, it's like Mel Brooks said, "Sex is like pizza - even when it's bad, it's still pretty good." So for most people, I think (monogamous sex + stable marriage) > (polygamous sex + destabilized marriage). However, at some point, lack of sex or crappy, starfish sex can become such a problem that it outweighs the benefits of marriage. "

Starfish sex. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's different for guys. It's our job to initiate and not get butt hurt when the women say "no." And, when they say something short of "no," to make sure they don't really mean "try harder" and "initiate better."

Generally guys have more options for sparking the responsive desire of their wives. Get in good shape, make more money, be more decisive and confident, start warming her up earlier in the day, and rely more on actions than words when you start the initiation. And, again, if she says no, don't get all pissy about it. Go do something fun and try again tomorrow.

That won't always work, but (and I'm guilty of this), I think too many guys get in a sexual death spiral when we let our egos get bruised by rejection. It's totally natural, but it's an attraction killer. Lowered attraction leads to more rejection leads to less initiation leads to lower self-esteem leads to more pressure on the sex you do have leads to less enjoyable sex leads to more rejection, less attraction, and less initiation.

If my DW works part time... And I have a stessful job which provides for now and the future.. I get home early to spend time with the kids (2 kids) for extracurricular activities and get them ready for bed. Stay up late to work work for my job. Wakes up with the kids... Help the kids get breakfest and ready for school/camp.. Drives them to school/camp on the way to work.... While the DW sleeps in and slowly wakes up to enjoy her coffee while she reads her email... Do you think the DH deserves some love and affection? I have gotten into shape.. I have a very good salary... The more I put in the less I get out... But I am suppose to do more? And it is my fault that she has not hugged me or given me more than a little kiss on my cheek during the last year...?

In the relationship... Do you feel the DH has to do everything? Your sexual death spiral theory does not apply to all situations. I could share more to prove your theory wrong, but I just don't want to post the private details.

PP here. I'm a guy, and I could talk about how unfair it is that husbands usually have to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the couple's sex life. It certainly can be unfair. Hell, maybe you could even put together a spreadsheet or a power point presentation that makes a powerful argument about how, logically and equitably, she should be initiating sex more often. But sexual attraction isn't anywhere close to that logical.

First of all, don't tie sex to all the effort and money you contribute to the marriage. One is only marginally related to the other. And you'll drive yourself crazy, because if you add it up, hookers are way cheaper.

Leading to the second point: covert contracts don't work. "If I put the kids to bed, wash the dishes, and bring in $x thousand dollars per year; she ought to want to fuck me." Sadly, no.

Do your part around the house and family, because it's your house and family. If she's not pulling her weight around the house, don't pull it for her in hopes that she'll be grateful and have sex with you. Tell her to step up and do her part. Keep the sex separate. Then be the kind of guy she wants to have an affair with. Sometimes that might mean being a bit selfish and a bit of an asshole. Take a look around and look at the types of guys women sleep with when they have options: good looking assholes in many cases[/b]. Don't go overboard with that, but keep it in mind when you're wondering why your sex life is in the dumps.

Please, PP, don't do this. The frank response is that the longer one stays in a relationship, the lower the attraction (the two are inversely related in general). Most times it takes a herculian effort to maintain said attraction. Sadly, most people don't have the patience or even want to and an affair seems enevitable (because we are sexual/affection/attraction/creatures. Not robots). You can't just simply will yourself to be someone you are not--hell if we all could, i'd just will myself to be Denzel or Richard Gere.

[Anonymous]

Starfish sex? What is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starfish sex? What is that?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=starfish%20fuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starfish sex? What is that?

Where the woman just lays there with arms and legs spread like a starfish. A particularly boner- and soul-crushing form of unenthusiastic, duty sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starfish sex? What is that?

Where the woman just lays there with arms and legs spread like a starfish. A particularly boner- and soul-crushing form of unenthusiastic, duty sex.

Usually, when the women loves the kids more than the husband/sperm donor/human ATM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starfish sex? What is that?

Where the woman just lays there with arms and legs spread like a starfish. A particularly boner- and soul-crushing form of unenthusiastic, duty sex.

Usually, when the women loves the kids more than the husband/sperm donor/human ATM.

Kids first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starfish sex? What is that?

Where the woman just lays there with arms and legs spread like a starfish. A particularly boner- and soul-crushing form of unenthusiastic, duty sex.

Usually, when the women loves the kids more than the husband/sperm donor/human ATM.

Kids first!

Okaay.