Found Zoloft in DD's Back-pack

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW found Zoloft in our DD's backpack. DD claims it is not hers and doesn't know where it came from. Of course, I wasn't born yesterday. I have not been able to talk to DD about it to get the full story behind it. DW and I are separated. DW had blown up at her and accused her of being on the road to heroin addiction and needing drug rehab.

In any case, I discussed this with a psychiatrist friend. He says she may be a symptomatic and read something on Web MD and thought "this might help." DD p, of course, she not be self medicating. He suggested getting her to see her pediatrician and/or child or adolescent psychiatrist.

I also talked to my Mom. She said the best I can do is to talk with her, find out how she is feeling, why did she feel the need for this, etc. Then reemphasize to her that I am her father and am looking out for her best interests and that if she needs to see a doctor she needs to come see me. I have oft repeated to DD what my father told me and my siblings growing up: "I can fix anything but dead. If you have a problem, your friends (or you) are drinking or doing drugs, I would rather you com to me for help than try to get it from your friends. They do not love you like I do, and they do not know everything."

Hopefully, I'll get to talk with her at length today. Any advice how to approach this from parents who have BTDT?

I would suggest you get some help yourself in the form of counseling. You shouldn't be the age you are and have to ask your mom for exact details in how to be an engaged parent. You didn't put in the time and energy before so trying to all of a sudden swoop in and "fix" things is a terrible plan. Talk to your DD but don't expect that you are going to fix it and make it all better and prove that your DW is the problem. Instead, suggest that you are willing to accompany your DD to a doctor and therapist and be supportive in both.

To those who have offered constructive advice, I thank you. To you, what the hell do you know about what time and energy I have put into my DD? I expect to get at the root cause of what and why she is doing what she is, and if she needs a doctor I will go with her and certainly with a therapist as well. DW can come too, if she wants.

[Anonymous]

So, I talked with DD yesterday. I explained to her why she should not have any prescription drugs not belonging to her - nor should she be taking anything. I emphasized to her that she was luck it was her Mom and not some school official that found them and inquired as to whether she: a) had been taking them; b) had been holding them for someone else, etc. I did not get any answers beyond an acknowledgement that she knows that she should not have such things. However, I do not know whether to believe her story nor whether she is not telling the truth to protect herself or one of her friends. She did not get argumentative with me.

DD has been a little less than truthful lately about a few things. I do think it is is partially attributable to fear of getting the "bad cop" treatment from her mother. However, I did give her a dressing down yesterday because she also lost her retainer and lied for three days about its whereabouts. She came clean - after she visited the Orthodontist and he could've done something about it. Ugh! Teenagers are frustrating as hell!

On the Zoloft thing, I do think I am going to arrange an appointment with her pediatrician in the context of a regular physical and see what comes up. My psychiatrist friend said most good pediatricians are pretty good at detecting whether a kid is need of medical assistance with depression or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I talked with DD yesterday. I explained to her why she should not have any prescription drugs not belonging to her - nor should she be taking anything. I emphasized to her that she was luck it was her Mom and not some school official that found them and inquired as to whether she: a) had been taking them; b) had been holding them for someone else, etc. I did not get any answers beyond an acknowledgement that she knows that she should not have such things. However, I do not know whether to believe her story nor whether she is not telling the truth to protect herself or one of her friends. She did not get argumentative with me.

DD has been a little less than truthful lately about a few things. I do think it is is partially attributable to fear of getting the "bad cop" treatment from her mother. However, I did give her a dressing down yesterday because she also lost her retainer and lied for three days about its whereabouts. She came clean - after she visited the Orthodontist and he could've done something about it. Ugh! Teenagers are frustrating as hell!

On the Zoloft thing, I do think I am going to arrange an appointment with her pediatrician in the context of a regular physical and see what comes up. My psychiatrist friend said most good pediatricians are pretty good at detecting whether a kid is need of medical assistance with depression or not.

Make sure you mention it to the doctor so that he/she takes time to screen for it. You can't count on a doctor screening for it.

[Anonymous]

Op- lack of concentration and being forgetful and losing things can also be a sign of depression. (It can also be a teen thing). here are some of the signs of depression...does this sound at all like your daughter?

Change in Mood: either tearful and overwhelmed, irritable and angry or empty, indifferent, apathetic.

Sleep changes (too little, too much)

Loss of interest in activities, and things they used to enjoy. In teens this often doesn't mean social withdrawal but may mean changing peer groups, or changing dress

Guilt - self-depreciating feelings, negative mindset

Loss of energy and motivation

Decreased concentration - losing things, forgetful, poor attention, lack of focus, indecisive

Changes in appetite and/or weight - increase or decrease

Physically moving slower...body may feel heavy or tight.

Thoughts of suicide or death. Active or passive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I also talked to my Mom. She said the best I can do is to talk with her, find out how she is feeling, why did she feel the need for this, etc. Then reemphasize to her that I am her father and am looking out for her best interests and that if she needs to see a doctor she needs to come see me. I have oft repeated to DD what my father told me and my siblings growing up: "I can fix anything but dead. If you have a problem, your friends (or you) are drinking or doing drugs, I would rather you com to me for help than try to get it from your friends. They do not love you like I do, and they do not know everything."

Hopefully, I'll get to talk with her at length today. Any advice how to approach this from parents who have BTDT?

I would suggest you get some help yourself in the form of counseling. You shouldn't be the age you are and have to ask your mom for exact details in how to be an engaged parent. You didn't put in the time and energy before so trying to all of a sudden swoop in and "fix" things is a terrible plan. Talk to your DD but don't expect that you are going to fix it and make it all better and prove that your DW is the problem. Instead, suggest that you are willing to accompany your DD to a doctor and therapist and be supportive in both.

On the contrary OP is lucky that he can talk about such things to his own parent! How incredibly stupid to view it in a negative light! It means he has a good working relationship with his mother and that his mother is wise enough to give him good advice, not that he can't manage on his own. We are not all so blessed.

OP, I read your last post and I think all you have done is good - however I would absolutely continue to push for more honesty and fuller information from your daughter. She has not told you anything! Obviously, this is not something you can expect in the context of anger (over the loss of the retainer, for ex). Choose a time when there is no stress. Go out to her favorite restaurant or do something just the two of you that she enjoys. Give her the loving and concerned father speech (I like what your father said!). She will probably be much more forthcoming then.

As for the ped, I would make an appointment just for that issue, on the grounds that possible depression and secretiveness are major red flags for her health. This topic can't just be shoved in with the yearly physical, because it should hopefully involve a somewhat lengthy discussion so it's not polite to the ped and sends the wrong message to your daughter (that this is actually not a big deal).

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Op, I just want to tell you that I think you are a great dad.

[Anonymous]

No idea where it came from? Have you gone or ex wife gone to counseling? Maybe find one that you can start going to together and then let her continue on her own. You are a great dad. I m sure the mom isn't all bad but he shouldn't have freaked out.

[Anonymous]

No, Mom is not all bad and I hope that I did not give that impression. It's just that she handles things on a more emotional level first. I tend to take things in and not get caught up in emotions.