Found Zoloft in DD's Back-pack

[Anonymous]

My DW found Zoloft in our DD's backpack. DD claims it is not hers and doesn't know where it came from. Of course, I wasn't born yesterday. I have not been able to talk to DD about it to get the full story behind it. DW and I are separated. DW had blown up at her and accused her of being on the road to heroin addiction and needing drug rehab.

In any case, I discussed this with a psychiatrist friend. He says she may be a symptomatic and read something on Web MD and thought "this might help." DD p, of course, she not be self medicating. He suggested getting her to see her pediatrician and/or child or adolescent psychiatrist.

I also talked to my Mom. She said the best I can do is to talk with her, find out how she is feeling, why did she feel the need for this, etc. Then reemphasize to her that I am her father and am looking out for her best interests and that if she needs to see a doctor she needs to come see me. I have oft repeated to DD what my father told me and my siblings growing up: "I can fix anything but dead. If you have a problem, your friends (or you) are drinking or doing drugs, I would rather you com to me for help than try to get it from your friends. They do not love you like I do, and they do not know everything."

Hopefully, I'll get to talk with her at length today. Any advice how to approach this from parents who have BTDT?

[Anonymous]

Well your wife has already gone bad cop so you can probably deal with this w/o screaming at her.

You need to make sure she understands why it's extremely serious and problematic that she has done this. Taking someone else's prescription is illegal (and there are potential consequences there), she doesn't know that the drug is what someone says it is, and also the drug has potential side effects. Did you know that in teens and young adults, SSRIs can sometimes cause suicide attempts and their use must therefore be monitored very closely?

[Anonymous]

Her having the Zoloft is stupid and dangerous because, of course, she shouldn't be experimenting with drugs and it's a sign she might be. But her taking a single Zoloft is not going to endanger her or make her suicidal. SSRI's have to build up in the bloodstream to be effective. It takes several weeks for them to reach any kind of level in which they have effectiveness (much less could cause suicide attempts). That's why they are monitored -- to see if they have reached an effective level or have gotten to too high a level. One pill would be like taking a single penicillin tablet. It's not effective for anything.

But you do need to talk to her about where the pill came from, etc. Until she comes clean, I would take privileges away. If she can't talk to you face to face, tell her to write it down or email you.

[Anonymous]

And, if she did this, I think you owe her some therapy and the chance to let her and another adult decide if she is depressed.

Yeah, do what you have to do about the self medicating and illegality and danger piece, but then with great tenderness, give her the opportunities to treat the problem she clearly thinks she has.

[Anonymous]

Tell her it is not a drug that makes you high and talk about the different drugs out there and about the chemical damage or death from inhaling household cleaners etc. Explain the consequences of damaging your brain while it is still developing. I didn't drink as a kid because we were shown pictures of liver damage. And how hard it is to get a liver transplant etc. Everyone wants to feel "high" just try to find a safe and legal way to do it. And find out who she is hanging out with. She doesn't need bad kids in her life.

[Anonymous]

If she is taking Zoloft occasionally, it isn't going to do a thing for her. It won't get you high.

If she is taking it every day, it will work as an anti-depressant. She can't just stop taking it, however. It has to be tapered or she will suffer some serious side effects. SSRI discontinuation syndrome is nasty.

If she needs an SSRI because she is depressed (maybe because her mom is psycho and you all are divorced), then you need to talk to her about it and get her in to see her doctor and/or a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

I don't necessarily think the kids around her are "bad." They are kids and they use poor judgement. Hell, I was surrounded by kids in high school who were smoking (both legal and illegal), drinking, having sex, whatever... in the end most of them turned out OK. But it is the navigating the rocky shoals of adolescence that is the challenge, and helping her to learn from her mistakes.

There are definitly going to be consequences on top of talking through this. I was fortunate, myself, not to get too much into the high school party scene. When I talked about it with my Mom, she said all I had to deal with was a "little bit" of marijuana and some beer. Hats to you 'sis! I know it wasn't me or my bro'.

[Anonymous]

I think you should offer to take her to a doctor who will give her a legitimate prescription. You should be able to do this through your pediatrician. Sometimes people don't seek help because seeing a psychiatrist or therapist "feels" like a bigger barrier, there may be trust issues or they know they feel off or bad but don't think its that bad. Even kids feel a stigma about mental health issues. You should make it easy for her to deal with this and reinforce that this is common but she needs to get the prescription from a doctor not the street.

The fact that she took it from her friends is telling that she feels enough of a level of depression to talk with her friends, her friends to recommend it and for her to give it a try. Its very common for high school students to experience depression. There have been recent studies linking the early school start times and lack of sleep as increasing the numbers beyond what was previously thought existed. Large schools make it difficult for kids to get the attention they need. Social media exaggerates the affects of teen drama and sometimes bullying. Mild teen depression is much, much more prevalent now than when we were kids. SSRIs don't have been to taken forever but they can help in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Her friends giving it to her were stupid because one isn't going to do anything or even get you high. Let her know that besides having it that her friend is, stupid and shouldn't be trusted to know about drugs.

[Anonymous]

Please take her to a doctor to see if she truly needs medication. Let your daughter know medication is serious. It can alter brain chemistry. My friend was not able to get off antidepressant after having been on them for a while. You and your wife are the only two people truly looking out for your daughter. Medication may work great for one person but be terrible for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Kids know that this isn't a get high drug. They know which ones make you high so I would doubt that was why she was trying it. She probably though it would make her feel better or told her friend that she felt depressed.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely get her to a doctor but be sure it's one experienced with kids her age. (I'm not clear--is she a teenager?) Take care that she does not see this intervention as, "Oh my God, they caught me, they know I'm broken, I'm so bad and wrong...." because that is typical for this age and is a reaction that could drive her to hide more, when you want her to tell you more. The first thing is finding out if she is depressed, or if she only thinks she might be, and to get her real help.

There is another serious aspect to this. I don't know if your DD is in Fairfax County public schools but in FCPS, please remember that kids get suspended for VERY long periods for having drugs -- even prescription medications -- on them or in their bags or lockers. Not sure if other school systems around here are as draconian. I'm not just talking here about the recently highly publicized cases but about ones we don't hear as much about. Search in the Washington Post for the story in 2011 about Hayley, a middle schooler who took her own prescription acne medication to school and put it in her locker to be able to take it at lunch, but ended up being kept out of school for seven weeks. Yes, she absolutely should have checked the meds in at the clinic. But seven weeks out of school over a prescription acne med? Think of that impact on academics. It's near the end of the school year now, but if your child were caught with one pill in school now or next year the impact could be vast. That is sadly something you have to know about and something SHE has to know about. It may be a prescription med but she could still be nailed to the wall for having it in her possession (especially as it's not hers).

I'm not saying the schools shouldn't be tough, but the problem is that the policies are applied with zero consideration for individual situations or the type of medication or circumstances involved. Your child is lucky that your wife, not another kid or someone else at school, found that Zoloft, or there would have been consequences that could make her more depressed if that's what's going on.

It's actually good that summer is nearly here because that gets her away from school and whoever is giving her their meds (or possibly their mom or dad's meds....). Use the summer to get her help so that she is not turning to other kids, rumor, the Internet, whatever, for self-diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

I have no advice, but you sound like an awesome dad. She's lucky to have you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW found Zoloft in our DD's backpack. DD claims it is not hers and doesn't know where it came from. Of course, I wasn't born yesterday. I have not been able to talk to DD about it to get the full story behind it. DW and I are separated. DW had blown up at her and accused her of being on the road to heroin addiction and needing drug rehab.

In any case, I discussed this with a psychiatrist friend. He says she may be a symptomatic and read something on Web MD and thought "this might help." DD p, of course, she not be self medicating. He suggested getting her to see her pediatrician and/or child or adolescent psychiatrist.

I also talked to my Mom. She said the best I can do is to talk with her, find out how she is feeling, why did she feel the need for this, etc. Then reemphasize to her that I am her father and am looking out for her best interests and that if she needs to see a doctor she needs to come see me. I have oft repeated to DD what my father told me and my siblings growing up: "I can fix anything but dead. If you have a problem, your friends (or you) are drinking or doing drugs, I would rather you com to me for help than try to get it from your friends. They do not love you like I do, and they do not know everything."

Hopefully, I'll get to talk with her at length today. Any advice how to approach this from parents who have BTDT?

I would suggest you get some help yourself in the form of counseling. You shouldn't be the age you are and have to ask your mom for exact details in how to be an engaged parent. You didn't put in the time and energy before so trying to all of a sudden swoop in and "fix" things is a terrible plan. Talk to your DD but don't expect that you are going to fix it and make it all better and prove that your DW is the problem. Instead, suggest that you are willing to accompany your DD to a doctor and therapist and be supportive in both.

[Anonymous]

The big glaring problem here is that you aren't communicating with her mother. Unless the court ordered you to have sole custody with respect to medical decisions, you cannot do this on your own. For all you know this was actually prescribed for her under her mother's watch and you weren't told (which is a problem, but a different problem). Whose name was on the bottle? if it was hers, then thats a more likely scenario. if it was another child's, that parent needs to know because their child isn't taking her meds.

In any case, you cannot do a thing about this without her mother unless you have legal authority. Even then, if she is in her mother's care part time, you two need to be communicating. Why are you talking to your mother instead of her mother?

Zoloft is not a drug that can be really abused. It has to build up in the bloodstream to be effective. It sounds like your daughter is depressed and is doing what she can. If these drugs weren't prescribed to her, she needs to see a psychiatrist and do it right. The fact that she is trying to get help, however misguided her actual moves, is a really good sign that she is taking care of herself. She just needs help to get the right help.

Don't give her the choice to see a doctor. She needs to go. And she should not have to talk to you about how she is feeling -- she should talk to a professional.

But you need all the facts first.