Grandma promised hair extensions for DD's 8th grade graduation

[Anonymous]

And no, she didn't need to give up the earbuds. She quit listening when she was called on it, but the teacher has no right to throw away kid's property. Taking it to the office to hold til the end of the school year? Fine. Requiring a parental note to redeem property? Fine. Throwing it out? Oh hell no.

Please don't raise your kid to blindly follow rules and obey authority. That inner rebel will do her good in the long run.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. Thanks for all of the feedback. Right now, my inclination is to say no to extensions for graduation, but allow Grandma to pay for her hair to be corn-rowed when the family goes on a cruise later this summer. Last year, DD couldn't get corn-rows because her hair was simply too long to have it done for less than $100.
We already talked with her about the insubordination. The you must listen to information that doesn't apply to you is not something that I support though. She has always been a modest dresser. The lecture about booty shorts and midriff tops was completely inapplicable to DD. The town hall meeting disrupted an hour of school (students missed one class entirely and 15 minutes of the next class.) I do admire that she tried to use the time productively by listening to a book.

[Anonymous]

Girls can wear whatever they want. The boys don't have the same restrictions and no one suggests that their clothes are distracting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls can wear whatever they want. The boys don't have the same restrictions and no one suggests that their clothes are distracting.

Were the boys wearing booty shorts and midriff baring tops?

[Anonymous]

I think it's actually a perfectly appropriate punishment. She decided to do a disrespectful thing while someone else was public speaking. To have the privilege of being a public speaker removed is very fitting.

As for the message not applying to her, the same could be true for any of her classmates who wouldn't have wanted to hear her graduation speech. Would you have been ok if half of them were wearing their iPods, tuning out her speech?

I agree that it would have been wrong of a teacher to throw out a student's property, but I would never take that exude for insubordination at face value. (Frankly, I also find it hard to believe that a 75 minute assembly was solely about modesty in clothing choices...are you sure that's all that was discussed?) Neverthless, I applaud you for backing the school for its punishment.

I think the hair extension consolation prize is a bad message to send. As a standalone gift, sure, but as a balm to ease the pain of her punishment, no. Your cornrow compromise sounds great.

[Anonymous]

I think linking the two together is very wrong. Grandmother is trying to soften the blow. In a way she is undermining your support of the school. (It does seem rather harsh, but keeping that to yourself is part of being a parent).
Extensions. It is a totally separate topic, which deserves your thoughts separate from this incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Thanks for all of the feedback. Right now, my inclination is to say no to extensions for graduation, but allow Grandma to pay for her hair to be corn-rowed when the family goes on a cruise later this summer. Last year, DD couldn't get corn-rows because her hair was simply too long to have it done for less than $100.
We already talked with her about the insubordination. The you must listen to information that doesn't apply to you is not something that I support though. She has always been a modest dresser. The lecture about booty shorts and midriff tops was completely inapplicable to DD. The town hall meeting disrupted an hour of school (students missed one class entirely and 15 minutes of the next class.) I do admire that she tried to use the time productively by listening to a book.

You do realize that no one can tell that she's listening to a book and not to her favorite music? Wearing earbuds during a speech is rude and disrespectful. She was called on it. That's the whole story.

[Anonymous]

I'd allow the hair extensions in less you have a personal reason not to (i.e. don't believe in them). I would, if anything, give her a consequence for getting in trouble at school but keep a gift separate from the punishment. Technically, she was right in my mind. There was no need for the teacher to take them vs. put them away but she needs to do what she is told at school.

[Anonymous]

See, I don't think there is a need for dress codes. The purpose is slut-shaming....making sure the little girls don't distract the boys. How about making the boys responsible for not distracting themselves? At that point the need for a dress code prohibiting exposure of skin becomes moot.

Public schools waste so much time with assemblies, busywork, and teaching the tests that kids don't learn much except how to be nice little conformists. Good for your daughter for not giving in to a teacher on a power trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See, I don't think there is a need for dress codes. The purpose is slut-shaming....making sure the little girls don't distract the boys. How about making the boys responsible for not distracting themselves? At that point the need for a dress code prohibiting exposure of skin becomes moot.

The purpose is slut-shaming, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's actually a perfectly appropriate punishment. She decided to do a disrespectful thing while someone else was public speaking. To have the privilege of being a public speaker removed is very fitting.

As for the message not applying to her, the same could be true for any of her classmates who wouldn't have wanted to hear her graduation speech. Would you have been ok if half of them were wearing their iPods, tuning out her speech?

I agree that it would have been wrong of a teacher to throw out a student's property, but I would never take that exude for insubordination at face value. (Frankly, I also find it hard to believe that a 75 minute assembly was solely about modesty in clothing choices...are you sure that's all that was discussed?) Neverthless, I applaud you for backing the school for its punishment.

I think the hair extension consolation prize is a bad message to send. As a standalone gift, sure, but as a balm to ease the pain of her punishment, no. Your cornrow compromise sounds great.

It was an hour long assembly. The topics were the dress code and the use of the parking lot and basketball courts for outdoor play after lunch. She didn't have the earbuds in the entire time. Several parents have complained about the teacher who throws confiscated items away. The principal has hemmed and hawed over the legality of it. In one case, the principal paid for an item out of her own pocket rather than state an official policy.

She and Grandma accepted the cornrows so we are just looking forward to the end of the school year and saying goodbye to the school forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls can wear whatever they want. The boys don't have the same restrictions and no one suggests that their clothes are distracting.

Nope, at the high school I worked at they also had to talk to the boys due to some who were wearing tank tops (that were baggy and loose and showed half their chests) and pants that showed their underwear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See, I don't think there is a need for dress codes. The purpose is slut-shaming....making sure the little girls don't distract the boys. How about making the boys responsible for not distracting themselves? At that point the need for a dress code prohibiting exposure of skin becomes moot.

The purpose is slut-shaming, full stop.

Dress codes are not about slut shaming. There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to dress for both boys and girls, men and women in different settings. Its not about being distracted.

[Anonymous]

I'm furious on your daughter's account and think the punishment was far too harsh. Hell, now I want to buy her extensions. She sounds amazing!!

[Anonymous]

OP, throughout her life your daughter will have to listen to information that will bore her and not apply to her. She will have to do so politely and attentively. During her wedding ceremony, should she put her ear buds in during the "sickness and health" vow because she doesn't plan to catch cancer?

Bad call on your part.