Hypercompetiveness in Real Life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asian moms amongst ourselves talk about AAP. It's okay because we know we want the same thing.

I belong to an ethnic group stereotyped for being underachievers - so maybe that is why no one talks to me about this things....

Me too! DH and I are Hispanic (our parents are from Mexico) and I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about AAP and that I give my kids extra academic work to do at home. I started my kids in Kumon at 4 and only see Asian parents from my kids' school there. Besides hi and bye, no one there chats to me. IRL I pretend I am mellow but I am really a tiger mom. Most moms think I am just into soccer because my kids are good and play year round. I would love to meet others like me IRL.

[Anonymous]

I think people are just voicing what they are thinking (but not saying)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree it's hard to tear yourself away. I have seen some of these psycho moms at my kids' schools so I do know they exist. I don't have the energy or desire to keep up, which may be why my kids are still sane.

So now we're getting hypercompetitive about how noncompetitive we are in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it's hard to tear yourself away. I have seen some of these psycho moms at my kids' schools so I do know they exist. I don't have the energy or desire to keep up, which may be why my kids are still sane.

So now we're getting hypercompetitive about how noncompetitive we are in real life?

What is AAP anyway? I've heard it mentioned, but really don't follow all that foolishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I find Asian moms are more honest this way. What happens to the family and child though if the child doesn't get in for an Asian family?

Nothing happens. Some families send their kids to private, others just move on in base schools I have a friend who was obsessed with GT back then but her kid did not get in. Now that child is almost graduating from UPenn majoring in Engineering.

[Anonymous]

I am an Asian parent. If you look at the general ED classes, you will find many Asian kids. Yes there are many Asian kids in AAP, but more remain in general ED. Most of them are doing fine there. Many kids will move to AAP at higher grades when achievements count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asian moms amongst ourselves talk about AAP. It's okay because we know we want the same thing.

I belong to an ethnic group stereotyped for being underachievers - so maybe that is why no one talks to me about this things....

Me too! DH and I are Hispanic (our parents are from Mexico) and I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about AAP and that I give my kids extra academic work to do at home. I started my kids in Kumon at 4 and only see Asian parents from my kids' school there. Besides hi and bye, no one there chats to me. IRL I pretend I am mellow but I am really a tiger mom. Most moms think I am just into soccer because my kids are good and play year round. I would love to meet others like me IRL.

This is me too. Wish I knew you in real life.

[Anonymous]

When I bring up AAP to other parents, they are more than happy to talk about it. We have done some obsessing together. But I seem to be the one to bring it up and others do not.

[Anonymous]

Wolftrap parent here- closer mom friends have been talking about AAP since K started.. it is HUGE but no one talks about it- or subtly.. I remember talking to my neighbors when their kids were accepted (we did not have kids then) and it created a rift between two families since one got into AAP and one did not.. but the mom whose DC did not get in was kinda bitter.. at that point I had no kids- no idea what GT (then) was about or anything..

[Anonymous]

In my area, no one talked about AAP vs non-AAP. I have never had a conversation in the 6 years of Elementary school. We have talked about the teachers. The only context of AAP is how is a teacher teaching AAP when her certification is in Special ED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am often struck by the contrast of what I read on this forum and what I observe in real life in terms of the ultra competive, AAP obsessed, Tiger mom types out there. I really just don't see it around me - and I confess, I am somewhat of an AAP obsessed parent myself and I feel alone in this, like I have to play it cool and pretend I don't care around other parents because they behave as if it is totally not on their radar. Even the parents with AAP kids say stuff like, "Oh, THAT is what that test was for, I had no idea..."

Is everyone BSing? or is my child just at a laid back, non-competitive school? Does everyone act non-chalant IRL and then come here to this forum to let out their crazy, competitive side?

Am I alone in this observation?

I'm with you. I have a sixth grader in AAP since third, and have never seen the AAP-obsessed stuff and competitiveness that I see on this forum. I think the snark on this web site comes mostly from anti-AAP parents who constantly must find nasty things to say about the program; the kids in the program; and the parents of those kids. Why? I've given up wondering....It would be so good to have a discussion at times about AAP kids' experiences and needs without someone inevitably hijacking each thread to insert comments about "tiger moms" and kids who go around teasing other kids that "I'm smarter than you" (which by the way I've also never heard about in my child's four years of AAP).

I agree with the person who posted here that the obsession over AAP seems to come largely from parents who have younger kids they want to get into the program. But I didn't see that at our base school at all either, though it seems to be intense at some schools.

Like you, I've heard AAP parents say, "Oh, is that what that test was? I didn't know you were having that this week." I don't think it was BS, either. Some of the AAP parents I know truly figure their kids are doing OK and will deal with whatever comes along, and don't worry too much about knowing when every standardized test is coming up, or getting their kids into tutoring so they can get into TJ, etc. I know a lot of very mellow AAP parents who are happy with what and how their kids are learning and who don't go nuts tracking everything that happens every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wolftrap parent here- closer mom friends have been talking about AAP since K started.. it is HUGE but no one talks about it- or subtly.. I remember talking to my neighbors when their kids were accepted (we did not have kids then) and it created a rift between two families since one got into AAP and one did not.. but the mom whose DC did not get in was kinda bitter.. at that point I had no kids- no idea what GT (then) was about or anything..

Wait until you get to the TJ stage. Honestly I think TJ is a punishment for some kids. Here you go---homework non stop for your HS years

[Anonymous]

This has effectively become a forum to discuss AAP (even if the name is VA Public Schools) and the people here are self selected based on having an interest in AAP. So yeah the interest in AAP on this forum is not representative of FCPS parents in general.

But this type of intensity / obsessiveness does seem characteristic of many parents of our generation - can see it across many youth sports. And looking at it that way it probably at least makes more sense to be obsessed with your kid's academic progress than his travel baseball career. Now having a nice healthy perspective on things would be best but many of us (me included) for whatever deep psychological reason have a hard time doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wolftrap parent here- closer mom friends have been talking about AAP since K started.. it is HUGE but no one talks about it- or subtly.. I remember talking to my neighbors when their kids were accepted (we did not have kids then) and it created a rift between two families since one got into AAP and one did not.. but the mom whose DC did not get in was kinda bitter.. at that point I had no kids- no idea what GT (then) was about or anything..

Wait until you get to the TJ stage. Honestly I think TJ is a punishment for some kids. Here you go---homework non stop for your HS years

For the kids who can handle it, TJ is not non-stop homework. They have plenty of time for sports and music and other non-academic activities.

For the kids who needed those TJ prep classes to get in, it can be non-stop homework (and tutoring and extra classes just to keep up.) No time for anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has effectively become a forum to discuss AAP (even if the name is VA Public Schools) and the people here are self selected based on having an interest in AAP. So yeah the interest in AAP on this forum is not representative of FCPS parents in general.

But this type of intensity / obsessiveness does seem characteristic of many parents of our generation - can see it across many youth sports. And looking at it that way it probably at least makes more sense to be obsessed with your kid's academic progress than his travel baseball career. Now having a nice healthy perspective on things would be best but many of us (me included) for whatever deep psychological reason have a hard time doing that.

I think its a herd mentality. As much as we'd like to be laid back and just let our children run around in the backyard all afternoon everyday - we see everyone around us taking advantage of the many academic (and athletic) opportunities that abound around us and feel like if our kids are not also doing that, they will be left behind in the dust.