Asian moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think he is using the Asian thing as an excuse for her behavior. He's trying to make it a cultural thing when really she is just a controlling b.

OP, I posted after your original post. So, to your knowledge, the MIL was always that way, even before the baby?

[Anonymous]

There were Jewish mothers before the Asian stereotype.

[Anonymous]

I have an Asian MIL. She's very, very nice, but it's true that culturally her boundaries are nothing like what I would expect, as a WASP. She has no boundaries by my standards. She and her cohort believe that parents own everything a child has, and the child owes the parents everything and must do as the parents ask. She feels she has the right to move into our house and run things. She desperately wants to move into our house, and her son cannot tell her no. The only reason she hasn't yet is that I've worked hard to show her that she wouldn't be comfortable, that I wouldn't kowtow to her as she expects. that we'd all be miserable, and that I'd keep things my way. Even a nice Asian mother-in-law can be a nightmare, in a way. Her son cannot say anything to her, because it's culturally forbidden, so I am the bad guy, and she takes it out on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think he is using the Asian thing as an excuse for her behavior. He's trying to make it a cultural thing when really she is just a controlling b.

OP, I posted after your original post. So, to your knowledge, the MIL was always that way, even before the baby?

My friend has never complained about the MIL to me before, but I suspect that she was just flying under the radar and was able to avoid her. Now that she has the baby the MIL has pounced and is making things all about her. This baby is 3-4 days old by the way. My poor friend.

[Anonymous]

21:33 - PP here. Same here. But my MIL is not Asian. She just has issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were Jewish mothers before the Asian stereotype.

I am have one of those from Eastern Europe. She'd make any Asian MIL look like a piece of cake, I am sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were Jewish mothers before the Asian stereotype.

I am have one of those from Eastern Europe. She'd make any Asian MIL look like a piece of cake, I am sure.

There is no Prince so great as the only son of a Polish woman.

Upside - Polish women stand more than a pubic hair from other customers in the check out line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an Asian MIL. She's very, very nice, but it's true that culturally her boundaries are nothing like what I would expect, as a WASP. She has no boundaries by my standards. She and her cohort believe that parents own everything a child has, and the child owes the parents everything and must do as the parents ask. She feels she has the right to move into our house and run things. She desperately wants to move into our house, and her son cannot tell her no. The only reason she hasn't yet is that I've worked hard to show her that she wouldn't be comfortable, that I wouldn't kowtow to her as she expects. that we'd all be miserable, and that I'd keep things my way. Even a nice Asian mother-in-law can be a nightmare, in a way. Her son cannot say anything to her, because it's culturally forbidden, so I am the bad guy, and she takes it out on me.

PP, I can relate ... There is a similar situation for me, although we don't owe a house yet, so that makes it much harder to share the little space we already have. May I know, is your MIL in the US? Mine is not, though hopes to be.

[Anonymous]

23:23 here, sorry, posted too fast. We don't "own" a house yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were Jewish mothers before the Asian stereotype.

This

[Anonymous]

I think it's just MIL in general.

[Anonymous]

My Vietnamese MIL is charming, my European mother is INCREDIBLY invasive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this an Asian thing though? I have a white MIL and the same thing happens. I'm Asian BTW.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Lots of other cultures don't have our ideas about boundaries and definitely don't endorse the concept of a grandparent deferring to the parent about well... anything. It's def not just Asia.

[Anonymous]

Korean women of my mothers' generation were raised to show great respect for and deference to their elders. If they expect the same from the people their children marry, I can see how they could come off as crazy and controlling. Many of the older Korean women I know have adapted to American ways, even if they don't like them, and realize that the younger generation now calls the shots, but the same may not be true of more recent immigrants or of women who have spent most of their time in the US in immigrant enclaves.

Can't speak to MILs from other Asian countries, but there may be a similar dynamic.