How to ask in-laws not to come for DC's event

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty heartless.

I agree. OP, maybe one of them just had a serious medical diagnosis and may not be able to travel at your convenience. You sound like a truly dreadful person and you should be grateful they actually want to be around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty heartless.

I agree. OP, maybe one of them just had a serious medical diagnosis and may not be able to travel at your convenience. You sound like a truly dreadful person and you should be grateful they actually want to be around you.

God you are a bitch PP. OP, ignore these nasty posters! You have every right in the world to ask your in laws to come at a better time. There is NO reason you have to accommodate them if it ruins your child's event for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can they stay at a hotel? I don't know if that would help or not. It's hard to give an opinion w/o really knowing what it is but wouldn't itbe easier to have them there that weekend...you can put them to work or you can skip out on the visit altogether by being busy the whole time.

+1.

I would say that while you would love them to be there for the event that that weekend will be a difficult time for you to host any houseguests. You would love them to come and stay at the house any other time of their choosing or come to the event and stay elsewhere, but that you won't be able to provide any hospitality that weekend as you will be fully committed to the event on that weekend. Then let them decide whether to come and stay in a hotel or plan to come visit another time (or both).

The last question is would you be willing to have them stay at your house if you didn't have to provide any hospitality for them? e.g. they had to take care of themselves and fend for themselves? This might give you that option. They could come and stay at the house, but would be expected to rent a car for their own transportation, to make arrangements for their own meals and would see you and the family at the event or between jumping around to whatever needed to be done that weekend.

[Anonymous]

Be a good sport! Welcome them! Otherwise it is hurtful and causes (possible) problems down the road. It is NICE that they want to attend....

[Anonymous]

Certainly you shouldn't be asked to do anything "hard" or "difficult" just for the sake of your husband parents.

For a whole weekend (two days), you may be a little "inconvenienced?" By all means, tell them they are simply too much of a hassle and to come when you feel like them coming.

[Anonymous]

Try to honestly put yourself in the shoes of your in-laws. Say you were planning to travel to attend a niece/nephew/whoever's event, and you were excited about it, and felt like you were doing a good, supportive thing. Then someone told you they would rather you not come.

How would you feel? Therein lies your answer.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why it is such a big deal. It's not as though you yourself need to be preparing for the sporting event (since I assume your child, and not you, is playing). Unless you feel visitors will throw your child's game off, what difference does it make whether they come that weekend or some other weekend? If you do feel that it will adversely affect your child's game, I think you can tell them that kindly and ask to reschedule.

[Anonymous]

All of you folks saying the OP should deal: You realize she said they come for nearly all events like these. Imagine every time your child had a special event you also had high maintenance house guests. And those same houseguests only came during those busy weekends--never at more relaxed time when they could visit. Maybe the ILs don't even realize that OP and her DH want to spend time with them just for them, that they don't have to come because it's a grandchild event.

[Anonymous]

^^visit means visit with each other more

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine any good could come from telling them not to come or otherwise discouraging their visit. They are free to come anyway and stay in a hotel and then there will just be bad feelings in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to sound harsh, but get over yourself. Unless they are unbearable, why not be a sport and entertain them for a weekend so they can be part of your child's special event? Not everything in life has to be on your terms. While it's unfortunate that they don't call on a regular basis (your definition of how they should be interacting with you), how is it bad that they want to be present for important events in your child's life? I'm sorry, but this just sounds like inflexible prima donna behavior to me. Yes, major events are stressful. And house guests add a layer of stress but these are your child's grandparents who appear to be making an effort. Why not make room n your home and your heart to host them...maybe even knock yourself out to make them feel welcome and appreciated. You'd be surprised how rewarding it can be to make someone else happy. Who knows how long you'll have them in your child's life.

I know I'll get flamed for this advice, but unless they are racist, chain smoking, gun wielding terrorists, would it really be so awful to include them?

Just sayin'...

This. Op sounds self involved

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for all the opinions on both sides. I can't ask them to do a hotel, did that once before and they were still here from early morning to late night waiting to be served.

The event is both days, and starts early in the morning, so I don't want to be staying up late which often happens with their visits. Nor do I want to ignore them while we're watching the event all weekend.

I do realize that asking them not to come could hurt their feelings, and I don't want to do that. I find myself getting resentful over them making a big show over coming to this event when they are completely uninvolved otherwise. When they came last year, our attention was divided between the event and other friends that came. We see them only about twice per year.

[Anonymous]

We see them only about twice per year

I'm confused because earlier you said they came for all of your child's birthdays and events. Why don't you let them come but establish your boundaries? Don't stay up late entertaining them, tell them you are going to bed and do it. Don't worry about spending time at the event instead of with them - they are supposed to be there for the event. If you let them come but draw appropriate boundaries they will either (1) not like it and not ask to come again or (2) respect the boundaries.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you ever expect to be a grandparent? How would you feel if you were in their shoes? I think this is heartless. Your level of stress is really up to you. You don't have to be the perfect host and cater to their every need. Focus on what you need to do for your child's event and let them take care of their own needs. You shouldn't turn them away because you can't rise to your own standards as a host which are probably unrealistic anyway.

[Anonymous]

You say they "wait to be served." But you don't have to serve them. And you don't have to stay up late just because they're there. You don't have to entertain them or visit with them at the expense of other friends. You provide them with necessary schedule information, you explain how busy you will be during the weekend, and you say good night when you need to go to bed. They are adults; they can take care of themselves.