I am so over my head

[Anonymous]

OP--wanting something and needing something are two different things. If you can't afford it. You can't afford it. Premium cable--gone. Pay your half of utilities. Phone--get a cheaper plan. Drop the gym and go for a run. Bedroom--get another roommate and share. Car--public transportation-most places have buses. Still can't make ends meet--suck it up and work things out with your mom if they will let you live at home. Groceries--raman and mac and cheese-- alot of lived on this crap when we were first starting out. You have to adjust your attitude to fit your budget. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a roommate to share your bedroom and housing expenses. Drop premium channels or higher-speed access from cable/internet. Drop the gym. Drop the cell phone and get one that has a lower monthly fee. Seriously, I have a smartphone and have a lower monthly fee (a smartphone is not a gift from God, you need to be able to afford it). Get a basic phone without email, stop texting, and watch your minutes. Act like a grown-up.

OP here: I have a roommate. I am in a contract with my cellphone until May and I signed up for this gym in June when I had money and am in a 2 year contract with them which says that you can't get out unless there is a medical emergency or if you move somewhere where there is no Anytime Fitness within 30 miles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your cell phone bill is high. If you're not in a contract, switch to a cheap plan like Virgin Mobile or AT&T pre-paid. You should not be spending money on cable. Talk to your roommate and see if you can switch to basic internet, no cable. If your roommate wants cable, she can pay for it. Then you can pay half of the other utilities. You should be able to pick up some babysitting with your background.

Do you owe more on the car than it's worth?

OP here: I know my bill is high. I'm in a contract with Verizon until May. I owe about $12,000 on my car and I was looking to sell it or trade it in for around $14,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with previous posters. I think you need to recognize that at least part of your problems originate from very bad decisions you made. A 2009 Mazda CX-7 ? that's an expensive car. if you absolutely needed a car (and as a live in nanny I am not sure you needed it), you should have settled for a good used car of a much less fancy model. there are plenty of entry level models that cost, new, less than $15K, even less if used a couple of years. based on cCarmax a car like your could sell for about $17K. if that would cover the car loan, sell it, if there is something left, pay your debts and you need a car look for a dirty cheap one. find a home you can share with other people, you would pay less than having your own condo. ditch any unnecessary stuff (i-phone, expensive phone plans, gym membership, whatever you have that you may do without. I work as an attorney for a big firm in DC, and frankly lived years without a car, commuting by bike and public transportation (still do) and when we needed a car, we bought an inexpensive one (and I was 39 when I bought my first and only car).

OP here: I know it's an expensive car but when I got it in 2010, I could MORE then afford it (at the 20,000 I paid for it). I wasn't a live in when I got it, I was a live out.

I don't have my own condo. I rent one with a friend and we each pay $625.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a roommate to share your bedroom and housing expenses. Drop premium channels or higher-speed access from cable/internet. Drop the gym. Drop the cell phone and get one that has a lower monthly fee. Seriously, I have a smartphone and have a lower monthly fee (a smartphone is not a gift from God, you need to be able to afford it). Get a basic phone without email, stop texting, and watch your minutes. Act like a grown-up.

OP here: I have a roommate. I am in a contract with my cellphone until May and I signed up for this gym in June when I had money and am in a 2 year contract with them which says that you can't get out unless there is a medical emergency or if you move somewhere where there is no Anytime Fitness within 30 miles.

Wow - you are incredibly short sighted and have lots of excuses. I am starting to understand why you don't get along with your mom.

Tell your roommate you have to move out. She can find another roommate or you guys can part ways when the lease is up. Dump your phone in May. Plan to go back to school next September.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a roommate to share your bedroom and housing expenses. Drop premium channels or higher-speed access from cable/internet. Drop the gym. Drop the cell phone and get one that has a lower monthly fee. Seriously, I have a smartphone and have a lower monthly fee (a smartphone is not a gift from God, you need to be able to afford it). Get a basic phone without email, stop texting, and watch your minutes. Act like a grown-up.

OP here: I have a roommate. I am in a contract with my cellphone until May and I signed up for this gym in June when I had money and am in a 2 year contract with them which says that you can't get out unless there is a medical emergency or if you move somewhere where there is no Anytime Fitness within 30 miles.

Wow - you are incredibly short sighted and have lots of excuses. I am starting to understand why you don't get along with your mom.

Tell your roommate you have to move out. She can find another roommate or you guys can part ways when the lease is up. Dump your phone in May. Plan to go back to school next September.

OP here: please don't even go there. Trust me, that is NOT the issue at all. My mom and I have tried counseling but it didn't work. It's hard to get over an abusive childhood. Please don't make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I have a "lunch date" with my dad on Saturday to go over finances. I'm trying really hard to figure out where I can cut back and unfortunately, the car really just isn't one. Trust me, I wish it could be as I pay $351/month for it.

My parents are more then able to continue helping me out but they've done so much lately that I don't want to keep going to them month after month. I just need to find a way out of this.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate that you're in a tough spot, but what - other than talking to your dad and DCUM - have you done about it? Go into your gym, explain the situation and tell them you need help. Same with your cell phone. Having your car repossessed while still having cable, cell phone and gym membership is nuts.

I understand that you need a car in providence. you also need a place to live, electricity and groceries. see where i'm going? Figure out exactly what you NEED; the minimum you can pay for it, and then how much you need to make to cover it. Talk to everyone else and get out of the contracts/obligations. Be nice, apologetic and ask for help.

Still with me? Next, figure out how much more you need to pay your necessities. Find another job. Yes, either a third one, or one that has more hours/pays more than one or both of the other two.

Do this now. today. dont' wait for your dad to tell you what to do. Dont' wait for the bank to show up. Don't wait for Santa to deliver cash under your tree. One foot in front of the other, once you make a budget and a plan you'll feel better & things will come together.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to move into crisis mode with fixing these things. Read some Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman and Michelle Singletary too.

You need to get out of the gym contract, first of all. Go to them and say you can't afford it, need to cancel. Speak to the manager. Crazy to be paying that now. or get a doctor to write you a note somehow.

You do need to sell your car, hopefully for what you owe on it, and a get a much cheaper car. I've lived in rural new england so I understand how a bus is not an option really. Carmax would buy it for $100 over blue book. But then you go buy a 2004 civic or something that's really good on gas and will last another 5+ years. Amove like that would save you about $5k.

once you have a new car, get lower insurance because you won't be paying as much. (no collision, etc.)

Pay the minimum on your credit card debt, obviously. Then cut it up and don't use it until you have an emergency fund.

You keep saying "when I had money in June" but obviously you didn't have enough money to make decisions like these. Sounds like you need an emergency fund and to start saving when you do actually have more money again.

You also need to have a heart to heart with your roommate and say you can't afford cable any more, but will split the basic utilities. If you can move out, move out and save money.

As for your job, can you become a teacher at a public school? Even a private school?

Change what you can OP.

[Anonymous]

find a free debt counselor in your town, you really need it. I can't believe you have cable, you are trashing your credit, not paying your CC, and still have cable?. you signed up in June for the gym for a 2 yr contract, when you said you left your job at that time and were looking for one? at least you learned a lesson, hopefully. never ever get a long term contract unless it is for something absolutely necessary and have a stable job, and healthy savings to pay if something happens. the bright side is that you are very young and made common mistakes. you can get out of it, find somebody like a free couselor, who can help you figure out a plan, and learn from this experience for the future.

[Anonymous]

Have you applied to live-in nanny jobs? Are you trying to get evening babysitting jobs?

[Anonymous]

Can you sublet until June to cover your part of the rent and move in w/ parents? I know you dont get along but sometimes that matters less than getting your life back in order.

After my divorce, I lived with a woman I truly didnt feel comfortable with for over a year to just save money and I took the bus and the metro to get around. I was way out in VA, not convenient at all and it was a pain in the ass but I made it work because I needed to get my life together.

I have also been in a situation where my apartment went up for sale suddenly and someone bought it, decided they wanted our unit ( it was a row house in DC) and then we legally had 6 weeks to get out of there. We had very little savings but I somehow moved myself, my fiance and my son into a house we bought together a few months later. It was terrifying but we slashed EVERYTHING. I even had my kid eating breakfast and lunch at school and explained why. Here is what we did in a list:

we cut our grocery bill in half ( I know you say you arent spending much on groceries but you have to be eating, right?) I dont understand that part of your post. We used natural cleaners and bought paper products ( toilet roll) in bulk. We did dishes by hand, saving on detergent. Little things really added up.

We both took on extra work. Stuff we wouldnt do normally because we thought we wouldnt ever need to. We took temp work. We babysat. We dog walked. We hustled it out. I also wrote contacts from my work and asked if I could help with any of their work and they used me.

I sold a LOT of things. Old jewelry, stuff I cared about, electronics, even things my parents gave me for graduation....none of this was more important than my getting a place to live and coming up with some savings to help us. I would have sold a car in a hot minute and figured out public transportation. I dont know your area but I have lived all over the US and have never had any trouble using public transport. You need to really see that car bill as a huge obstacle even if you take a loss at first.

No cable for sure, and NO cellphone. Yes, that's right - NO CELLPHONE. For two months. I paid 10 a month I think to keep the line on the plan. Not sure what your cellphone co or what plan you have but you might be surprised what these companies (cell, gym, etc) say if you call and tell them you are unable to pay your bill because of a job situation but want your account to remain in good standing. I also used internet at the library or at other people's houses.

I switched over my credit card debt to a no interest card in my Mom's name. She offered and I took her up on it. This way I wasnt accruing more debt with every month. This was hard for me to do but easy for her since she saw the other things we were doing...

We were very house poor for the first year or so after we bought the house and were straight back to no savings but we learned a lot from that time period. We still live on 100 a month groceries as a family of 5 6 years later and make all of our meals from scratch. I grew to love cooking and we are healthier for it...

Most of all that situation taught me that I dont get any stability in life without hustling and working for it and I cant expect things to just fall in place. And that all of that is normal and ok. I teach in a college now and I feel like the twenty somethings are disillusioned about things they feel they ought to have, period. We cant all have things right away and that should be ok - you should be eager to get life on track and then address things you want. For now, you will have to take several hits to get your life back and most of us have had to do this in one way or another. I called every one of the companies I paid bills for and had a humble conversation with whoever answered the phone about the situation I was in and the fact that I would be appreciative of any help they could throw my way. They were ALL helpful. You have to be willing to ASK for help and not feel guilty especially assuming you are doing everything possible on your own to move things in a positive direction.
Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP
Fellow nanny here again. I cannot believe how similar we are. I, too, unfortunately have a $330/month car payment. I bought a Honda in 2010 on a 5 year loan. I currently owe more than it's worth, or I would get rid of it in a heartbeat. I am so mad at myself for making the decision to get it. I could afford it then, and I can afford it now, but I kick myself for not just getting something cheaper.
Anyways, I am also very close to you. I live and work in Boston.
Would you be a live-in nanny again? I never had any desire to do so, but if I was single I would do it now. But, don't screw yourself. There's jobs out there (live-in ones) that will treat you with respect and also pay you a very good salary.
I think your plan of action should be to find another live-in nanny position in the city, where pay is higher and where you won't need a car. You can then look into getting rid of your car. I know people are harping on the car issue, but I understand not wanting to give it up. However, if you're in a better place living-wise and financially, it would be very feasible and beneficial to ditch the car.
I don't know much about Providence, but if I were you I would look into some nanny positions in Boston. Email me offline for more info - Boston543210 @ yahoo

(I just created that email so it's not a personal one).

[Anonymous]

What the hell, OP!?

I did not own a new car until I was 28 and married and had a good full-time job. You know what I owned when I was 25? A used Ford Taurus that cost $4000. I'm only 33, so this was like 8 years ago. Oh, and when I bought a new car? It was $14,000 because that's what I could afford (with CASH).

SELL YOUR FREAKING CAR AND GET A CHEAP USED CAR. Seriously.

Move in with your parents. You know where I lived when I was 25 and just starting my first full-time job? WITH MY PARENTS. My dad is difficult to deal with (verbal abuse) but them's the breaks. I saved $11,000 in one year on my crappy first-job salary and was able to move to D.C. on that money.

And you know where I lived for 7 years while I was saving up for a down payment while here in D.C.? A crappy, cheap apartment THAT DIDN'T EVEN COST WHAT YOUR PLACE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE COSTS. SERIOUSLY. You need to find a CHEAP apartment or live with your parents. For god's sakes, my rent in D.C. was $1050 for my crappy apartment. Oh, and I didn't have cable or a gym membership and I managed to live and have fun all through my twenties.

You have to make sacrifices now, instead of excuses. You are REALLY spoiled if you think you live how 25-year-olds usually live. You don't even have a full-time job and you think you should keep a $20,000 car?! You think you should have a gym membership? You think you should have cable!? Just...just what are you thinking when you make these choices?

Oh, and if you don't want to change anything, then prepare for bankruptcy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you sublet until June to cover your part of the rent and move in w/ parents? I know you dont get along but sometimes that matters less than getting your life back in order.

After my divorce, I lived with a woman I truly didnt feel comfortable with for over a year to just save money and I took the bus and the metro to get around. I was way out in VA, not convenient at all and it was a pain in the ass but I made it work because I needed to get my life together.

I have also been in a situation where my apartment went up for sale suddenly and someone bought it, decided they wanted our unit ( it was a row house in DC) and then we legally had 6 weeks to get out of there. We had very little savings but I somehow moved myself, my fiance and my son into a house we bought together a few months later. It was terrifying but we slashed EVERYTHING. I even had my kid eating breakfast and lunch at school and explained why. Here is what we did in a list:

we cut our grocery bill in half ( I know you say you arent spending much on groceries but you have to be eating, right?) I dont understand that part of your post. We used natural cleaners and bought paper products ( toilet roll) in bulk. We did dishes by hand, saving on detergent. Little things really added up.

We both took on extra work. Stuff we wouldnt do normally because we thought we wouldnt ever need to. We took temp work. We babysat. We dog walked. We hustled it out. I also wrote contacts from my work and asked if I could help with any of their work and they used me.

I sold a LOT of things. Old jewelry, stuff I cared about, electronics, even things my parents gave me for graduation....none of this was more important than my getting a place to live and coming up with some savings to help us. I would have sold a car in a hot minute and figured out public transportation. I dont know your area but I have lived all over the US and have never had any trouble using public transport. You need to really see that car bill as a huge obstacle even if you take a loss at first.

No cable for sure, and NO cellphone. Yes, that's right - NO CELLPHONE. For two months. I paid 10 a month I think to keep the line on the plan. Not sure what your cellphone co or what plan you have but you might be surprised what these companies (cell, gym, etc) say if you call and tell them you are unable to pay your bill because of a job situation but want your account to remain in good standing. I also used internet at the library or at other people's houses.

I switched over my credit card debt to a no interest card in my Mom's name. She offered and I took her up on it. This way I wasnt accruing more debt with every month. This was hard for me to do but easy for her since she saw the other things we were doing...

We were very house poor for the first year or so after we bought the house and were straight back to no savings but we learned a lot from that time period. We still live on 100 a month groceries as a family of 5 6 years later and make all of our meals from scratch. I grew to love cooking and we are healthier for it...

Most of all that situation taught me that I dont get any stability in life without hustling and working for it and I cant expect things to just fall in place. And that all of that is normal and ok. I teach in a college now and I feel like the twenty somethings are disillusioned about things they feel they ought to have, period. We cant all have things right away and that should be ok - you should be eager to get life on track and then address things you want. For now, you will have to take several hits to get your life back and most of us have had to do this in one way or another. I called every one of the companies I paid bills for and had a humble conversation with whoever answered the phone about the situation I was in and the fact that I would be appreciative of any help they could throw my way. They were ALL helpful. You have to be willing to ASK for help and not feel guilty especially assuming you are doing everything possible on your own to move things in a positive direction.
Good luck to you.

Good for you, and you are SO right.