17 year-old DD invited to coed sleepover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD did one after senior prom. At the house of a girl with very strict parents (who were home) so I didn't worry about it. But as a general rule not a good idea.

Parents weren't that strict. What exactly is the point of a sleepover though and who does one in high school at that?

It was a post prom party. Some kids slept. Seriously, these parents scare me, and I know the kids were scared.

[Anonymous]

I had co-ed sleepovers all the time in HS. My parents had no idea. I had a guy friend whose single mother was never around, so we would all stay there and I told my parents I was staying at a girlfriend's house. When I was dating one of the gang things definitely happened while I was there, but otherwise it was just a blast all hanging out together. I remember it quite fondly, but as a parent now I have to say I think my parents were way too lax about the whole situation. They are realy lucky I was a pretty innocent kid, and so were my friends.

[Anonymous]

I graduated from high school in 2002. We had lots of coed sleepovers. It wasn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Coed sleepover?

Reminds me of NFTY.

[Anonymous]

I had them at that age and I was a virgin until I was nearly 21. I never even kissed anyone until College. I didn't invite the boys. My friends who invited the boys were the ones having sex and no, they actually didn't tend to at the sleepovers because there were too many other kids around. They were guys they were sleeping with elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coed sleepover?

Reminds me of NFTY.

Haha. I was in NFTY-MAR and this reminds me of that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 17. If she's gonna have sex, she's gonna have sex. But I'm guessing she's not gonna have it in front of all her friends.

Time to snip those apron strings, Mom.

PP, just because she's may decide to have sex against your wishes, does not mean you stop being a parent. I don't believe that my relationship with my daughter stops at eighteen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a few if them growing up. We'd go to friends' summer houses and all sleep in sleeping bags (1 person per bag) and stay up all night talking. There weren't any couples in my group of friends and no one ever did anything but talk and laugh. Occasionally a parent would remind us that it was late.

Now in my 40's I don't have a problem with that kind of bonding and if DS asked to do something similar it would be okay. Not everything is about sex. You know your kid. Trust or don't but when they go to college you aren't going to have a camera, a parent, and a microphone telling them what to do and not do in the dorm room.

I am in my 40s, and attended a few coed sleepovers in high school. We were similarly, a big group of boys and girls, not really any couples, just all friends. No one ever fooled around at these sleepovers, I think it was a way for us good kids to feel a little edgy. Definitely had good parental supervision though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated from high school in 2002. We had lots of coed sleepovers. It wasn't a big deal.

I can't imagine being 28 years old and frittering away my youth on this site. Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

For the people here who had the co-ed sleep overs: be honest, you weren't likely to have sex anyway, right? I mean I doubt you had sexual relationships period in HS so it was a non issue. Let's face it, it depends on the kid. You know if your DS or DH is likely to engage in high risk behavior or not. I graduated from one of the more liberal coed (sorry big 3) HS in DC in the early 80's. No way were there any co-ed playmates condoned by parents who's kid's were "date-able". Not to be harsh but, the fat, pimply nice guys and girls could sleep in the same room all night and nothing could ever happen.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is 17, zhe is having sex if zhe wants too, don't fool yourself. Not your business.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for posting about your own experiences. It's very helpful to hear about the range of experiences you all have had. Sounds like DD and I are both right: coed sleepovers are not uncommon, and much of the time they are strictly platonic, but sometimes they are not, and sometimes situations arise that I would definitely want to protect my child from.

Of course it all comes down to who the individual kid and her friends are, who is hosting/supervising, etc. In this case, we really don't know the hosts well, nor do we know every kid who is going to be there, so we've said "no." DD will be in college in 9 months and we've talked about the fact that these decisions will be hers to make in the future. But for now, my gut tells me there are too many unknowns here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is 17, zhe is having sex if zhe wants too, don't fool yourself. Not your business.

If she is still on your insurance, it is your business. The only teen moms making six figures are the ones on tv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for posting about your own experiences. It's very helpful to hear about the range of experiences you all have had. Sounds like DD and I are both right: coed sleepovers are not uncommon, and much of the time they are strictly platonic, but sometimes they are not, and sometimes situations arise that I would definitely want to protect my child from.

Of course it all comes down to who the individual kid and her friends are, who is hosting/supervising, etc. In this case, we really don't know the hosts well, nor do we know every kid who is going to be there, so we've said "no." DD will be in college in 9 months and we've talked about the fact that these decisions will be hers to make in the future. But for now, my gut tells me there are too many unknowns here.

OP, I think you made a good decision. We had co-ed hotel parties in my teens and there was lots of sex and sex acts. I wish my parents would not have allowed me to go and make poor decisions, I made really dumb decisions and regret it all now.

[Anonymous]

We had a few, always when my parents didn't know. I didn't have sex until I was 21, and never did anything bad t these sleepovers. That said, at every single one there were some kids drinking, some kids sneaking off to have sex, girls making out for the boys, etc. it doesn't mean your DD is necessarily participating, but there is zero chance I'd allow mine to go to coed sleepovers even so.