DD behavior issues at school-- advice needed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am interested that a couple people mentioned ADD/ADHD. I don't know a lot about it-- does it manifest in things like moodiness and frustration? What's the best way to get a solid evaluation?

Absolutely. My 3rd grade DS has ADHD and anxiety.

See this linked article:

http://www.sdkidsfirst.com/knowledge_center_adhd.php

I suggest contacting your pediatrician. We ended up seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist to reach the diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested that a couple people mentioned ADD/ADHD. I don't know a lot about it-- does it manifest in things like moodiness and frustration? What's the best way to get a solid evaluation?

Absolutely. My 3rd grade DS has ADHD and anxiety.

See this linked article:

http://www.sdkidsfirst.com/knowledge_center_adhd.php

I suggest contacting your pediatrician. We ended up seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist to reach the diagnosis.

We went the developmental pediatrician route. I had always hoped my son's distractability/impulsivity/disorganization would improve once he was in AAP, thinking he was "Bored". Well, as it turned out, things did not improve. His academics have been strong since K, and he is still getting all A's in AAP, but, we came to learn that it was not just "boredom" that were at the root of his problems. In our case, it began to have a significant social impact. My son has ADHD combined type. We did not have a WISC done, but based on his FCPS scores, and her interviews, our dev. pediatrician felt he needed to be in AAP (I considered pulling him due to some significant social issues last year). In our case, we finally got to the root of what was going on. We got some techniques to help him (organizatial club, lunches with a counselor). It also opened a can of worms in their class, it turned out there was some very mean/exclusionary/bullying practices going on with groups of children, that the teacher was not aware of. They did lessons with the whole class to work on this. By the end of the year, DS social problems had resolved, he had a wonderful group of really kind friends. He is also medicated for ADHD. I will say, he too had a ROUGH teacher last year. She was new to FCPS, and new to teaching AAP. She was in way over her head, and was VERY strict. I felt she had very little patience, most of the children were not happy with their year. This year, I am thrilled DS has a great teacher, who seems to "get" him, and DS is in heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that the class size is overwhelming. When she isn't sure of herself instead of taking a breath and trying to figure it out, she thinks she can't do it and gives up looking to others for help. Reassure her that its ok to stop and think. There isn't a giant clock over her head ticking that if she doesn't get the answer in 2 seconds, there is a gong sound and the class thinks she's stupid. Talk to her. I bet she tells you she has that feeling in her head. She also doesn't have to be right all the time. She's afraid to fail and it's making her afraid to try. The new class isn't out of her reach. She's lacking confidence. It happens all the time.

Did you read the OP? to wit: DD doesn't like homework that is boring and cuts into her play time.
Face it, the admissions committee doesn't always get it right.

Sounds like a kid who, while smart, isn't an automaton. Sounds like this kid could make a brilliant doctor one day because not only does she have the smarts, but the COMPASSION. Know why that word is capitalized? Because you need to learn the meaning of same. Boring work is boring. Playtime is fun. Playtime is also LEARNING. They are not mutually exclusive. Get real. Why, for instance, give 50 problems when the kid gets it in 4 or 5? SHEESH!

Parents like you are the reason kids have nervous breakdowns. OP, on the other hand has his/her eyes wide open and clearly sees her DD as a whole person. OP, your DD will be fine as will your DS because of you, not despite you. You might consider private if you can afford it where your DD can get a great education, but where she will also feel happy and whole.

[Anonymous]

^ sounds like you think AAP is the problem. For kids who cut out for it, it really isn't a problem.
Yeah, private school may be better for her. Maybe. But they have homework there too don't they?
Homework isn't fun, it's just something that has to be done. Learning this lesson did not give my kids a nervous breakdown - I think you went a bit overboard with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was hoping for some advice about how to handle a situation that is concerning me. I only mentioned DD had started AAP b/c it, along with a very large class size and a long term sub. are the things that are different for her this year-- I have better things to do with my time than brag about my kids blazing a path to the Ivy League. And I don't think you have to be a "helicopter parent" to be concerned when the GC calls and says your child is behaving uncharacteristicly. And all the nastiness about whether DD belongs in AAP is just not necessary-- she's only 8, and she is having a tough time.

I am interested that a couple people mentioned ADD/ADHD. I don't know a lot about it-- does it manifest in things like moodiness and frustration? What's the best way to get a solid evaluation?

[list]
Absolutely! Talk to your pediatrician and ask for a referrals for evaluation.

[Anonymous]

HERE IS A NICE WRITEUP FROM THE MAYO CLINIC WEBSITE:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/adhd/DS00275/DSECTION=symptoms

[Anonymous]

Thanks to everyone who gave such thoughtful constructive advice (as opposed to those who see the phrase AAP and feel compelled to be snarky). I would have never though ADHD on my own, and it's never been suggested to us, but the articles you pointed me to make sense. It also feels good to know that other parents have successful death with similar things.

if DD gets worse, or things don't improve in the next few weeks, I'm planning to take her to the pediatrician for a check up, and get a referral.

[Anonymous]

Dealt with, not death

[Anonymous]

OP -- there is tons of great information on the special needs forum (which tends to be super supportive). You might want to read about twice exceptional children: those who are very bright and have some challenges...because they are so bright, the challenges can be even more frustrating for them. Our child was able to use his strengths to mask his challenges until upper elementary when he hit the frustration point. Two years and an ADHD diagnosis later we are all doing well -- not every day is easy, but that's true with our other kids too! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ sounds like you think AAP is the problem. For kids who cut out for it, it really isn't a problem.
Yeah, private school may be better for her. Maybe. But they have homework there too don't they?
Homework isn't fun, it's just something that has to be done. Learning this lesson did not give my kids a nervous breakdown - I think you went a bit overboard with that.

Homework isn't always fun, but what I said was why give 50 problems when the child can learn it in 5? This is standard for FCPS public school gifted programs - more work = gifted. That's not the case. Busy work isn't learning, not by a longshot.

Colleges are starting to move away from SAT and ACT and other means of scoring kids - the trend is not to require them. They are now looking for well-rounded kids because they are sick of seeing automatons. Think sending your kid to Habitat for Humanity will make them more appealing to colleges? Nope, because they are seeing this as a product of the parent telling the kid to jump through X or Y hoop, and not a product of the child's desire to actually help. And they would be right.

My DD is straight As and has wonderful friends and STILL hates her public high school because she says the teachers can't teach (she's right) and the homework is ridiculous, not because the work is hard but because it is a huge quantity. Not unusual for her to come home with a six page document of requirements for a 2 page essay. She spends more time trying to figure out if she's doing it right according to the anal-retentive rules then writing the actual paper. If one is asked to give one's interpretation of a particular part of a piece of literature and then is graded as to whether or not the teacher agrees with that interpretation, is that really learning? I say no.

My kids are in both public and private, so I am not an 'only private school' advocate. What I have noticed, however, is private schools focus on the whole child, i.e. they are required to do physical activity, clubs, art, etc and it is incorporated into the curriculum. This means the homework is balanced to compensate, because things are equally weighted. That takes a lot of the stress off the child. When stress is removed, learning is not impeded. It's not rocket science. When the kid applies to colleges, the college sees academics AND extras, i.e. sees balance.

I knew the public high school my DD attended was on the wrong path when they told me with pride that they offered stress seminars for the kids, but were doing nothing about adjusting their program to address the actual stress. Completely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to everyone who gave such thoughtful constructive advice (as opposed to those who see the phrase AAP and feel compelled to be snarky). I would have never though ADHD on my own, and it's never been suggested to us, but the articles you pointed me to make sense. It also feels good to know that other parents have successful death with similar things.

if DD gets worse, or things don't improve in the next few weeks, I'm planning to take her to the pediatrician for a check up, and get a referral.

Remember too, all kids, all adults for that matter, have issues of some kind. That's part of the human condition. That you are seeing things objectively means that your children will be just fine! The meds have their own side effects if you go this route, so be sure you ask lots of questions. Short-acting meds tend not to have the side effects the extended versions do.

[Anonymous]

The "sudden onset" of a behavior problem in a child previously a "teacher favorite" does not sound at all like ADHD. Keep an open mind. No competent doctor is going to suggest medicating unless the behavior have persisted in multiple settings for at least six months. As the parent of an ADHD child , this just doesn't sound like ADHD to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "sudden onset" of a behavior problem in a child previously a "teacher favorite" does not sound at all like ADHD. Keep an open mind. No competent doctor is going to suggest medicating unless the behavior have persisted in multiple settings for at least six months. As the parent of an ADHD child , this just doesn't sound like ADHD to me.

I agree with this statement. I don't think there's anything wrong with pursuing, but it sounds to me like your child is going through a growth/development stage and I don't agree with the OP's assessment that this child is emotionally saavy for her age. Is she young for her class? I think she's overwhelmed by the size of the class (let's face it, 30 is a large class) and maybe even feeling overwhelmed by all of the social changes which come with 3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

OP wrote, "The guidance counselor said she would work with DD and 3-4 other kids in class having similar problems, but we are at a loss as to what to do at home to support the school."

Please meet with the counselor in person (without your child present, of course) and ask! Find out what the counselor will be doing/has been doing and what she wants you to do at home to support what she does in these sessions. Of course, also pursue other avenues as needed, but work closely with her and make her into an ally. Seeing her just once in person will likely not do the trick -- ensure you stay in touch with her about your child. You may not need to move on to diagnoses and therapies if you and the counselor can focus hard on this and work on it in these early months of school.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking for excuse and ways to "fix" DC. Everyone jumps to the conclusion that DC is "bored" with schoolwork. Well guess what, some things in life are boring! Don't medicate or change DC to fit the mold.