I Need Understanding and Super Home Cleaning and Organizing Assistance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agreen with previous poster, except for the selling/consignment. if you are like me, and you soud like me, you will never find the time to sell/ consign, and the things will find their way back in the mess. just take them to the nearest charity box (if clothing or shoes), or to the goodwill. you will get the tax document at least. unless you have expensince stuff to sell, it is simply not worth your time trying to get a few tens or hundreds dollars (and at least in my case it would be tens). whenever I tried to set things aside for selling, eventually the bag was opened by somebody and things got back in the mess. and the real trick is to stop buying stuff you do not really absolutely need (that's how you save money, not by wasting your time by selling them at a fraction of the price). another suggestion is try to limit the paper coming in. sign up for online bills as much as possible. I have a box I put the mail inside, trying to throw away immediately the junk, and try to loook at it during the week end. it dies ot work perfectly, I still have unopened mail around the house, but I acceopt I am not perfect, adn it is better thah before when I did not have the box and the daily mail would end up all over. good look, you are not alone

OP again. Yes, yes, yes about the slowing down of the buying. Something new is always coming to the house. I buy for my dc a year ahead of time, and she grows so fast that some of the stuff never gets worn......all in the name of a sale. I would probably be cheaper to pay full price when the item is actually needed. Went through DC's fall/winter clothing and there is too much......4 winter coats; lots of sweaters.....etc. I can take 2 of the coats back, but some places have return deadlines. I buy and then don't know what I have tucked away in a tub in the attic. That would be a fine goal.....not to buy........boy! Easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that if you have a system and follow-through, reselling what's worth something is too hard. I work with a consignment shop near a monthly errand and collect consignment items in a specific place. When leaving to do that errand, I put those items in the car and drop them off. They write me a check for last month's items and deposit it on the way home.

The system just has to be idiot-proof. I accept that I have a problem and that things HAVE to be insanely simple for me to function. One place. Nothing is removed or moved around. Once it's there, it's gone.

OP, if you need to get it out of the house, you can't be too picky. Either eBay it (best prices for name brands) within a month, choose a consignment store and deal with any problems or donate. Holding on to every last little bit of value is part of the illness. Let go. Other parents struggling to get by will be thrilled to find them.

And the empty space is worth SO much more than the outgrown clothes. Just move them out.

Do you mind me asking what consignment shop you use? The one I use has sign up notifications, and slots are assigned online, and you get 1 appointment per season with a max of 4 bags, or some such rule! I'd love some place that I could just drop off nice season items and pick up a check and move on.......

[Anonymous]

PP again, also OP. I have things saved for consignment, but having time to set up and take pictures and upload and all that never happens.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just had a great experience with Kim from Clutterbusters. I had been trying to clean my basement for forever, and had managed to declutter a good bit of it but just never got over the final hurdle. She came for 4 hours and worked like crazy with me. She didn't impose her own ideas, just listened to me saying what I wanted with the space and then she helped me get there. We didn't get through everything but in 4 hours I felt like I could see light at the end of the tunnel.

The cost was $80/hour with a minimum of 4 hours. Although it was an expense, I have decided that I will have her come back about every three months. I pay about $150/month in housecleaning and feel like the decluttering/organizing help left me feeling much better than having a temporarily clean house. It also is better than a vacation, because I really feel I am drowning in clutter and it brings me down.

http://www.clutterbusters.com

I will still declutter a LOT on my own, but knowing there is someone coming to help gives me the momentum I need to get cracking.

I hear you about FLylady -- she didn't work for me either. The Clutter Diet is an online service I've been using to help me build decent routines, and it's been working fairly well. I like the instructional videos and the email ideas -- I always learn something useful.

http://www.clutterdiet.com

[Anonymous]

Also OP, keep in mind that if all the clothes are bringing you down, you can give them away this time, but later when you have things more settled down, you can start consigning and reselling them. You are allowed to give yourself a break. Don't let thing shang around for more than a week waiting to be brought somewhere -- just take the easiest way you can right now to get stuff out the house. As your husband says (Ironic, as you describe him as the semi-hoarder!) -- just get rid of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also OP, keep in mind that if all the clothes are bringing you down, you can give them away this time, but later when you have things more settled down, you can start consigning and reselling them. You are allowed to give yourself a break. Don't let thing shang around for more than a week waiting to be brought somewhere -- just take the easiest way you can right now to get stuff out the house. As your husband says (Ironic, as you describe him as the semi-hoarder!) -- just get rid of it!

OP again. Thank you. Yes, lol, the semi-horder tells me to just give it away, but has circa 1990 and 1980 clothing shoved in closets and up in the attic where it will never again see the light of day; there are important and not important papers shoved in drawers where clothing should be; he has books, books, and more books that he will never read; and 5 of everything b/c he puts things away so well that he can never find them again, and, therefore has to buy another. When we visit his parents (west coast), they make him go through at least a box from highschool/college that he's left there in case he needs that stuff again.

[Anonymous]

NP here - I've consigned with Treasure Trove (http://www.inova.org/get-involved/volunteer/inova-fairfax-hospital/treasure-troves.jsp)

Appointments are made same day and you can consign multiple times a week, but they do limit the number of items you can bring and they will sometimes say that they have enough of "xyz" items and not to bring any (e.g. shoes, purses). I've never had an issue with things missing or not being accounted for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here - I've consigned with Treasure Trove (http://www.inova.org/get-involved/volunteer/inova-fairfax-hospital/treasure-troves.jsp)

Appointments are made same day and you can consign multiple times a week, but they do limit the number of items you can bring and they will sometimes say that they have enough of "xyz" items and not to bring any (e.g. shoes, purses). I've never had an issue with things missing or not being accounted for.

OP again. Wow. This looks ideal. Thanks for sharing. This is where my son is a patient. We are there far too often, but I could drop off when we are there. I will call them. It's a great hospital for sick children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. Yes, yes, yes about the slowing down of the buying. Something new is always coming to the house. I buy for my dc a year ahead of time, and she grows so fast that some of the stuff never gets worn......all in the name of a sale. I would probably be cheaper to pay full price when the item is actually needed. Went through DC's fall/winter clothing and there is too much......4 winter coats; lots of sweaters.....etc. I can take 2 of the coats back, but some places have return deadlines. I buy and then don't know what I have tucked away in a tub in the attic. That would be a fine goal.....not to buy........boy! Easier said than done.

This is REALLY important - if you want to shop the sales, you must have a list of what you've already bought that you carry in your wallet. Don't let yourself shop again until you do this.

An easy way to do this is to keep a folder on your phone and photograph new purchases and the receipt (so you have a record of prices and return policies). Make this record - on paper or via photograph - before you leave the store. You know you won't once you get in the house and dump the bag somewhere. That way, when you find a good deal, you set it aside and check your records to see if you've already got that covered at a good price, and - if you like the new thing better - whether you can still return the previously purchased item.

[Anonymous]

Part of getting organized, and an essential part of adjusting to special needs, is setting your expectations in a realistic way. Before I had a special needs child (and really before I had a child at all), I posted a lot of stuff for sale on ebay. I went to estate sales. I had a lot more outside interests.

I think you need to have a coming to terms moment where you realize what is realistic and what is not. Selling a lot of items on ebay/consignment is a part time job. That's not possible anymore. The tax credit if you donate could be quite helpful.

[Anonymous]

I find that when I consign, a) the shop people are often rude and snobby; b) it takes preparation to make the clothes look nice--something I no longer have time for with a special needs child of my own; c) I get a mere pittance back; and d) I end up spending what I get back right then and there at the store on overpriced consignment items. So I have concluded it's not worth it. It's hard to donate nice things thinking no one will appreciate them, but they will. The thrift stores can get more money for nicer items and that money usually goes to charity; and imagine that feeling of finding a great thrift find. Others can get that rush from your donated items. Share the love. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself so I can let go...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP again. Thank you. Yes, lol, the semi-horder tells me to just give it away, but has circa 1990 and 1980 clothing shoved in closets and up in the attic where it will never again see the light of day; there are important and not important papers shoved in drawers where clothing should be; he has books, books, and more books that he will never read; and 5 of everything b/c he puts things away so well that he can never find them again, and, therefore has to buy another. When we visit his parents (west coast), they make him go through at least a box from highschool/college that he's left there in case he needs that stuff again.

OP, does he agree with your basic premise, that a less cluttered, more organized home would be less stressful and a more healthy and welcoming place for you to bring up your child? If not, I would try to work with him on that until the two of you are on the same page about that basic goal.

After that here are some tricks for helping him declutter his belongings:

1) Find a place he cares about where he can donate his books. My husband woudln't part with his books and collections of magazines until I found an organization that would take them and really make use of them. he is fine with giving away stuff if he feels it is going to a good home.

2) Get him to agree to donate the stuff, but then hire someone to actually go through and do it. Much easier than having him have to handle each book and item of clothing -- gives him opportunity to change his mind.

3) Find every single book in the house (or item of outdated clothing, or collectible statue, etc) and gather them all in one place -- then ask him how many he really truly needs to be happy. EVen if he will only get rid of 20% that's a good start.

4) From the collection of like items you have gathered, take some pictures of things he just wants to save for the memories; and save a few of the nicest ones and prominently display them. Under glass or whatever you need. Then get rid of the rest.

5) Don't get discouraged; take baby steps if need be. Try to focus on one area at a time so you and he can see success. If he isn't too far gone as a hoarder, the experience of freeing up physical space should be an enjoyable one after the fact, and that might encourage him to keep at it or at least let you keep at it.

[Anonymous]

FYI I just came across this info about an agency that offers psychological services for hoarding...in SS:

http://www.behaviortherapycenter.com/BehaviorTherapyCenter/Services.html

[Anonymous]

OP again, cleaned the house today, so our sitter could come (without being turned off) and we could go on a much needed date. We will keep cleaning and sorting, and will find someone to help clean my home on a regular basis (still would love to know if you have someone you love that you could recommend); we dropped a box of needless books to the library for donation.......I sorted through dc's and my shoes, and put those not being used in a giveaway bag, along with other things. I do need help figuring how to manage paper, and how to set things up so they are easier. We will start putting mail in one place, only. Thank you for your suggestions and support, my fellow dcurban moms and dads.

[Anonymous]

Best of luck, OP.

A PP mentioned that it's OK if he just gets rid of 20%. This is actually a great tool. Most people on the mild end can get rid of the bottom tenth or the bottom third of anything. Organized people do this naturally, but people who see the value in many things need to structure it.