Anyone else want more kids but cannot afford them?

[Anonymous]

Totally agree on the time/commute issue. We have a relatively modest mortgage and a VERY modest house in Bethesda, but even to get 1 extra bedroom or a garage we would be looking at doubling our mortgage (at least) or moving further out or compromising on schools. We refuse to consider any of those options, at least for now. I have nothing against Rockville or Gaithersburg but it would mean an hour commute each way for 2 working parents in DC == which means less time with our kids. So I'm sympathetic to the PP suffering under a huge mortgage, because forced to choose among those three lesser evils, I won't sacrifice my time with my kids or their education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree on the time/commute issue. We have a relatively modest mortgage and a VERY modest house in Bethesda, but even to get 1 extra bedroom or a garage we would be looking at doubling our mortgage (at least) or moving further out or compromising on schools. We refuse to consider any of those options, at least for now. I have nothing against Rockville or Gaithersburg but it would mean an hour commute each way for 2 working parents in DC == which means less time with our kids. So I'm sympathetic to the PP suffering under a huge mortgage, because forced to choose among those three lesser evils, I won't sacrifice my time with my kids or their education.

I'm in the same boat myself. There are many reasons people choose to live where they do, its not just about the glory Bethesda zipcode as one PP seemed to indicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Us: $250 combined salaries with 2 kids in daycare, ginormous mortgage, and living in Bethesda. We too (believe it or not) feel we're stretching every cent. In fact just at lunch today DH and I were discussing how much more per month we really would need not to feel so strapped. I'd LOVE to have another, and maybe we will in a couple years, but for now it just seems financially so risky.

I wish I was like the PP who just makes it work (I'm also the one who said she was a "special person"). I mean it! Talk about having your priorities straight.

Sigh.

Wow, 250K and you feel strapped!?

Sure, I know daycare, mortgages, and DC metro. living isn't cheap, but my goodness...I'm waiting for the day that we have a 6 figure paycheck to balk at.

I always wonder when people post about making it on a less than six-figure income around here, exactly how they are doing that? Do they just live really far away, or if closer in, are they in an undesirable neighborhood? As someone who bought their first home in the area in the past year, I don't know how anyone not banking six figures can afford to buy a sfh around here. It seems to me what most people would find minimally acceptable in terms of house/neighborhood starts at $450k in this area.

FWIW, OP, I can't imagine having more than 2 kids (only have one now, but planning for a second) - we definitely couldn't afford some of the middle-class basics (or maybe they're upper middle class? i dunno) if we added a third kid to the mix, and I'm less willing to compromise my family's living standard than I am wanting to add to its size. So I guess in the end, it's that I don't want another kid badly enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Us: $250 combined salaries with 2 kids in daycare, ginormous mortgage, and living in Bethesda. We too (believe it or not) feel we're stretching every cent. In fact just at lunch today DH and I were discussing how much more per month we really would need not to feel so strapped. I'd LOVE to have another, and maybe we will in a couple years, but for now it just seems financially so risky.

I wish I was like the PP who just makes it work (I'm also the one who said she was a "special person"). I mean it! Talk about having your priorities straight.

Sigh.

Wow, 250K and you feel strapped!?

Sure, I know daycare, mortgages, and DC metro. living isn't cheap, but my goodness...I'm waiting for the day that we have a 6 figure paycheck to balk at.

I always wonder when people post about making it on a less than six-figure income around here, exactly how they are doing that? Do they just live really far away, or if closer in, are they in an undesirable neighborhood? As someone who bought their first home in the area in the past year, I don't know how anyone not banking six figures can afford to buy a sfh around here. It seems to me what most people would find minimally acceptable in terms of house/neighborhood starts at $450k in this area.

FWIW, OP, I can't imagine having more than 2 kids (only have one now, but planning for a second) - we definitely couldn't afford some of the middle-class basics (or maybe they're upper middle class? i dunno) if we added a third kid to the mix, and I'm less willing to compromise my family's living standard than I am wanting to add to its size. So I guess in the end, it's that I don't want another kid badly enough.

This is the most responsible thing I've read to date. Good for you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Everything is a trade off. We chose a big mortgage in DC (for a small house) so that we spend very little time commuting to work and have more time with our kids.

right on! we are doing the same thing, although i don't think our mortgage is THAT big. we just have a smaller house for the money. beats a long commute, imho.

i just have one kid. my family is complete. i never wanted more than one (as much as i love babies!). and don't go giving me that pity speech about "onlys". i had 3 siblings and still wish i had been an only child. study after study shows that "onlys" grow up less insecure and rarely need therapy. my son will never think his own family is incomplete. (*sorry, but that's a rant i needed to make after a PP made a comment about how "sad" it is to not have a sibling*)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I always wonder when people post about making it on a less than six-figure income around here, exactly how they are doing that? Do they just live really far away, or if closer in, are they in an undesirable neighborhood?

Apparently I am. I live in PG county. Paid $270k.

[Anonymous]

I would love another one (we have one now) but our combined salary is around 150k and after childcare, 401k's, general bills, cost of living in DC or in the immediate outskirts (so I don't have to cummute as far and spend additional time away from my child and my DH needs to be closer to work as he gets called in on evenings/weekends a lot) there just isn't room for another financially. We share one car that we bought 5 years ago and certainly do not take lavish vacations (if any at all - none this year for us.) I just don't know how to do it. If anyone does it on 150k living near the city, please enlighten me.

[Anonymous]

For me, it's not so much the economic resources (it would be a struggle, but we'd find a way to cope) but the physical, emotional, etc. resources. I feel so stretched with two already. My thoughts about wanting to have another one are more to do with wanting to re-live the amazing experiences I've had with the 2 I already have. As I get older, I don't have the energy I would need to juggle more kids. I console myself by thinking of the time I wouldn't be able to spend with my 2 if I had a newborn to care for. It's a tough decision, but there are pros and cons all the way.

[Anonymous]

Everything is a trade off. We chose a big mortgage in DC (for a small house) so that we spend very little time commuting to work and have more time with our kids.


right on! we are doing the same thing, although i don't think our mortgage is THAT big. we just have a smaller house for the money. beats a long commute, imho.

Don't you know it! We bought a smaller home, in a desirable area and close in so that our commutes would be limited. My husband is completely WHACKY when it comes to $$$ and a mortgage, so much in fact, that we practically paid cash for our home. Sometimes I'd like more space, a bigger kitchen , larger bedrooms, and the list goes on and on, but if it were a toss, I'd choose the small house/mortgage over space. We have a good income, some years over $250K, and we live as if we made $100K or less. With one child we can afford good schools, good childcare (we both work), and don't have to worry if we can make ends meet. I'm not saying that it's always been like this but once you've struggled, one should learn their lesson (I'm talking about myself). And honestly, I'm not sure we want the added pressures of having another child. But I do feel for someone if they desire another child but may not be in a financial position to do so, however, if a person is aware of their limitations, they're smart.

[Anonymous]

i think i might have a third, but i am afraid of what would happen with the house, meaning that it would feel that much smaller....kids would have to share a room (not a trauma) but the bedrooms are pretty small...i dunno. but we are committed to staying in the city and REALLY do not want to move out to the 'burbs just for a mudroom, you know?

argh. cadillac problems...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Everything is a trade off. We chose a big mortgage in DC (for a small house) so that we spend very little time commuting to work and have more time with our kids.

right on! we are doing the same thing, although i don't think our mortgage is THAT big. we just have a smaller house for the money. beats a long commute, imho.

i just have one kid. my family is complete. i never wanted more than one (as much as i love babies!). and don't go giving me that pity speech about "onlys". i had 3 siblings and still wish i had been an only child. study after study shows that "onlys" grow up less insecure and rarely need therapy. my son will never think his own family is incomplete. (*sorry, but that's a rant i needed to make after a PP made a comment about how "sad" it is to not have a sibling*)

[Anonymous]

i just have one kid. my family is complete. i never wanted more than one (as much as i love babies!). and don't go giving me that pity speech about "onlys". i had 3 siblings and still wish i had been an only child. study after study shows that "onlys" grow up less insecure and rarely need therapy. my son will never think his own family is incomplete. (*sorry, but that's a rant i needed to make after a PP made a comment about how "sad" it is to not have a sibling*)

Only child here, and I totally agree with you that being/having an only child can be wonderful and perfectly complete. I LOVED being an only child, so much so that my husband and I plan on our daughter being an only child, too. I never wished for siblings and never wanted for attention from my parents. It was a wonderful way to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Everything is a trade off. We chose a big mortgage in DC (for a small house) so that we spend very little time commuting to work and have more time with our kids.

right on! we are doing the same thing, although i don't think our mortgage is THAT big. we just have a smaller house for the money. beats a long commute, imho.

i just have one kid. my family is complete. i never wanted more than one (as much as i love babies!). and don't go giving me that pity speech about "onlys". i had 3 siblings and still wish i had been an only child. study after study shows that "onlys" grow up less insecure and rarely need therapy. my son will never think his own family is incomplete. (*sorry, but that's a rant i needed to make after a PP made a comment about how "sad" it is to not have a sibling*)

I'm the pp you are referring to and I do think it would be hard to grow up with no siblings or cousins close by. I didn't say that opinion has to apply to your family, but I believe it applies to mine. DH and I have large families that all live within 10 miles of each other (both families) and they are all very close. I worry that DD will see all of the things her cousins get to do together that she will not be a part of because we are the only family members living away from them. I was just using to state why we made the decision to have at least 2 children. I don't believe I said it was the right decision for every family. I really could care less what you or others choose to do with your families. I know that I had a hard time as an only child - again, just my experience which shaped my opinion for MY family.

Your studies may find that "onlys" grown up less insecrure and rarely need therapy, but I'm guessing with your attitude, so quickly defensive of your choices, your child may be the exception! I would need therapy if you were my mother!

[Anonymous]

Egads! I'm with the PP who said they'd love to have the 6 figure salary. DC is such a hard place for the average person to make ends meet. We just had our first and I'm not sure we can afford any more. Especially not if we ever want to buy a house or go on vacation ever again!

[Anonymous]

I don't think I really knew any "only children" where I grew up. I think it's definitely an urban thing. Lots of older parents, smaller homes, etc. etc. Interesting!