How to respond to this bizarre fb message?

[Anonymous]

I am going to defend the "weird" friend here...maybe she's done a lot of therapy or self-exploration and feels true regret about the way she ended things. (Is she Jewish? Yom Kippur is coming up...)

Anyway, I think sometimes people feel that they want to rectify mistakes made in the past. It might be very therapeutic for her to hear from you that you don't hold it against her and that although you were sad the friendship ended, you have moved on without a grudge.

If you feel safe/comfortable enough, you could ask her what prompted her to write after all this time. I wouldn't go too far in engaging with her, but I don't think there's harm in asking a few pointed questions to assess her motivation.

[Anonymous]

I was popular in highschool and was just an awful person. I have no idea how I had so many friends. I was a really mean Queen B. The first week I joined FB, this girl friend requested me, she was literally my 2nd friend. She was also the girl who I had terrorized the most... One day I followed her home from school with my gang of bitches and we threw rocks at her. Awful, horrible behavior I have regretted for YEARS. Anyways when that girl friend requested me I was so scared, but wrote her a long rambling email apologizing. Before she had found me on FB, I had tried to find her by googling and searching myspace. She was really nice and said my apology meant a lot to her, and fast forward 5 years we have become wonderful friends. Now instead of throwing rocks at her, our families vacation together. It felt so good to write her hat letter and tell her how I felt. Maybe that's what your friend was trying to do? Sometimes it doesn't matter if the other person responds, you just have to speak to them your truth.

[Anonymous]

Was it a private message or a post on your wall?

[Anonymous]

Why are adults on Facebook?

[Anonymous]

^^ Some of us actually have friends we like to keep i touch with. Sorry PP, I guess you don't have any interesting international friends. I've travvelled the world and love seeing the updates of friends living abroad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my response to her, I would include the following elements:
it was so nice of you to write
thank you so much for complimenting my daughter
no need to apologize about middle school - we were both really young kids, no harm done..we had some great times together back then
hope everything's great with you!
great to hear from you

I would leave out "no need to apologize." There's nothing wrong with owning that you hurt someone and trying to make amends. I'm all for forgiving, but not for discouraging an apology.

OP I've had two long lost best friends go to some effort find me after many years. (FB was not born yet). Both dumped me during pre-adolescence or adolescence maybe because I was the nerdy one going the academic route and our lives were moving in different directions. One was a popular cool girl who partied and lived out the whole soap opera thing in highschool. She stopped returning calls or making any effort. The other did a lot of backstabbing. It's hard not to take it personally, but she had her own demons-depression, eating disorder and substance abuse. Neither have apologized. Would have liked it if they had. I still let them back into my life and we are friends again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my response to her, I would include the following elements:
it was so nice of you to write
thank you so much for complimenting my daughter
no need to apologize about middle school - we were both really young kids, no harm done..we had some great times together back then
hope everything's great with you!
great to hear from you

I like this, too, but with a sign-off that more clearly indicates there's no interest in rekindling a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only person who finds this touching instead of bizarre? Why is it so wrong in our culture to reach out to someone? To apologize? Why do we find this creepy?

OP, just say thanks and it's good to hear from you. End of story. You'll probably never hear from her again. If you do, act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me smile because several posters are young enough to have had FB friends in college. Yes- I am old.

Anyway, it's pretty likely that the girl is seriously depressed. It's the desire to find some kind of connection and believing that you have made some deep inner discovery about the past and needing to share. I remember when I was younger and being depressed and doing weird things that I thought were really deep and meaningful but looking back realize they were just attempts to make my life feel less bleak.

Which several posters referred to having FB friends IN college? OP had dinner with this girl 6 years ago but she didn't say anything about FB at that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my response to her, I would include the following elements:
it was so nice of you to write
thank you so much for complimenting my daughter
no need to apologize about middle school - we were both really young kids, no harm done..we had some great times together back then
hope everything's great with you!
great to hear from you

I think this is perfect.

Ditto. Except ditch the line about "hope everything's great with you" b/c obviously it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are adults on Facebook?

Most started on it for groups or pages for organizations. Even DC's sports teams have pages and there are the game photos and messages for involved parents. Who is going to ask for individual pictures?

As for the OP's issue: reply with " Thanks for the memories." Then block her or do the privacy settings after unfriending so you can keep tabs on this situation. Save all info in case she's a nut. 1 profile pic and cover photo are always public so OP get your face and kids etc off FB anywhere it's public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are adults on Facebook?

Some of us were young when Al Gore invented the internet and we like to use it to keep in touch with our friends who are also not yet in managed care homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who finds this touching instead of bizarre? Why is it so wrong in our culture to reach out to someone? To apologize? Why do we find this creepy?

Agree with this. Also think its sad how many posters have said something to the effect that they "no time in my life" for people who may be "needy". No wonder so many people are depressed these days. People only want to be fair weather friends. I think our society is going to self destruct from people being so egocentric and busy with their own lives that they have no time to make new friends unless they can a) do something for you them b) not take up too much time or energy

[Anonymous]

"Thanks for your message and compliments on my daughter! We did have fun together as kids, and I will always have happy memories of that time. I'm not angry about the friendship ending any more, but it would not work for me to rekindle the friendship at this point. I sincerely wish you all the best."

[Anonymous]

these scripted responses from people who know nothing of the situation are ridiculous.

OP, i hope you will find it in your heart to give a sincere response, whether it is positive or negative. be straightforward. then do whatever feels most appropriate to you, whether it's blocking her or opening up a new friendship.

is it that difficult to be real?