How to respond to this bizarre fb message?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:these scripted responses from people who know nothing of the situation are ridiculous.

OP, i hope you will find it in your heart to give a sincere response, whether it is positive or negative. be straightforward. then do whatever feels most appropriate to you, whether it's blocking her or opening up a new friendship.

is it that difficult to be real?

I think some people can't handle real. Have a college friend who struggles with alcohaulism despite many stints in rehap.She was a nicer person before this, but she did many alienating and hurtful things drunk. Anytime anyone tells her how self-absorbed and selfish they find her behavior she falls apart. I keep in touch only a few times a year, but I am kind. I don't like, but I just don't tell her I find the relationship one sided and self-serving. I care enough that I don't want to set off depression or another relapse, but I won't get sucked in by her neediness and sometimes abusive behavior either. She has done shitty things. Oh and believe me I have recommended therapy. She has already burned through a dozen therapists at least.

I think when someone is in the throws of an emotional illness, we have to be careful how we define real. If the friend is in a fragile state I personally would walk on eggshells a bit and not risk pushing her over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who finds this touching instead of bizarre? Why is it so wrong in our culture to reach out to someone? To apologize? Why do we find this creepy?

Agree with this. Also think its sad how many posters have said something to the effect that they "no time in my life" for people who may be "needy". No wonder so many people are depressed these days. People only want to be fair weather friends. I think our society is going to self destruct from people being so egocentric and busy with their own lives that they have no time to make new friends unless they can a) do something for you them b) not take up too much time or energy

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who finds this touching instead of bizarre? Why is it so wrong in our culture to reach out to someone? To apologize? Why do we find this creepy?

OP, just say thanks and it's good to hear from you. End of story. You'll probably never hear from her again. If you do, act accordingly.

I agree...I think it is touching that the person reached out. As we get older, it's normal to think back on the past and want to rectify wrongdoings. It doesn't necessarily mean that she is depressed or messed up. Maybe she is just feeling reflective.

[Anonymous]

OP here:

First of all, this is not an example of a fair weather friendship. I haven't been friends with this girl for the last 16+ years. I do not owe her anything!

Secondly, I don't think that the fact that she reached out is indicative of a mental problem. Her mental issues are totally separate from this. Without getting into all the details, this woman is really messed up and I don't want her in my life.

I still haven't written back yet. I don't knwo why, I'm just kind of dreading it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

First of all, this is not an example of a fair weather friendship. I haven't been friends with this girl for the last 16+ years. I do not owe her anything!

Secondly, I don't think that the fact that she reached out is indicative of a mental problem. Her mental issues are totally separate from this. Without getting into all the details, this woman is really messed up and I don't want her in my life.

I still haven't written back yet. I don't knwo why, I'm just kind of dreading it.

OP, you have your answer: don't need to write back, don't need her in your life. End of story!

[Anonymous]

I would de-friend her, OP. I don't want people with bad karma in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would de-friend her, OP. I don't want people with bad karma in my life.

Dear, we all have bad and good karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my response to her, I would include the following elements:
it was so nice of you to write
thank you so much for complimenting my daughter
no need to apologize about middle school - we were both really young kids, no harm done..we had some great times together back then
hope everything's great with you!
great to hear from you

I think this is perfect.

Also think it's perfect. It sounds like instead of drunk-dialing, she drunk-Facebooked.

Agree. And if you don't make any overt moves to rekindle the relationship, she'll likely get the point. If the woman is that big of a mess you don't have to add to it by being mean or ignoring her. If she keeps trying, then you can block her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

First of all, this is not an example of a fair weather friendship. I haven't been friends with this girl for the last 16+ years. I do not owe her anything!

Secondly, I don't think that the fact that she reached out is indicative of a mental problem. Her mental issues are totally separate from this. Without getting into all the details, this woman is really messed up and I don't want her in my life.

I still haven't written back yet. I don't knwo why, I'm just kind of dreading it.

Don't write back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my response to her, I would include the following elements:
it was so nice of you to write
thank you so much for complimenting my daughter
no need to apologize about middle school - we were both really young kids, no harm done..we had some great times together back then
hope everything's great with you!
great to hear from you

I think this is perfect.

Also think it's perfect. It sounds like instead of drunk-dialing, she drunk-Facebooked.

Agree. And if you don't make any overt moves to rekindle the relationship, she'll likely get the point. If the woman is that big of a mess you don't have to add to it by being mean or ignoring her. If she keeps trying, then you can block her.

Exactly. If you don't make any attempt to engage with her she should get the message. But you don't have add to her misery by being mean. Sounds like she has enough problems.