HOw do you tell your parents you are doing IVF?

[Anonymous]

That's wonderful, OP! Sometimes you just need your mom and dad and it's just so good you can talk to your parents now. Good luck on your journey!

[Anonymous]

I think you need to find support where you can. If your parents are able, awesome. If not, move on. As for the mechanics: we didn't share so much. My scientist father researched it every way, DH's parents (not computer literate): we're getting medical help. I was able to say how financially, physically and emotionally painful the process was -- that helped everyone (weird, huh?) b/c although they didn't get the specifics, those concrete problems made the abstract understandable. Relatable.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understand why being an immigrant has anything to do with how one will react to IVF. IVF has been around for a long time and not just in the U.S., Anyway, my parents happen to be immigrants and we told them and they were very supportive. They even put me in touch with their friend's daughter who had gone through IVF and encouraged me to talk to her for information and support.

I think it ultimately depends on how close you are to your parents and in-laws and whether it would help you to have their support or would make it feel like more pressure. For us, we are close to both and it was helpful to us, especially after a miscarriage. Since we didn't tell a ton of other people, it helped with the feelings of isolation. Also, it immediately ended my MIL's not-so-subtle comments about how she wanted grandchildren...because she realized it wasn't so easy for us.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but if you live in today's world and do not understand IVF or know much about it, you are living under a rock. PLEASE. Welcome to 2012, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I understand why being an immigrant has anything to do with how one will react to IVF. IVF has been around for a long time and not just in the U.S., Anyway, my parents happen to be immigrants and we told them and they were very supportive. They even put me in touch with their friend's daughter who had gone through IVF and encouraged me to talk to her for information and support.

I think it ultimately depends on how close you are to your parents and in-laws and whether it would help you to have their support or would make it feel like more pressure. For us, we are close to both and it was helpful to us, especially after a miscarriage. Since we didn't tell a ton of other people, it helped with the feelings of isolation. Also, it immediately ended my MIL's not-so-subtle comments about how she wanted grandchildren...because she realized it wasn't so easy for us.

My MIL was like this too!

[Anonymous]

For those of you with parents with don't 'get" IVF -- how do they explain the explosion of non-identical twins and Octo-mom? there is even that show Kate plus 8. Have they never heard of these things? What rock do they live under?

[Anonymous]

So, you think women and men living in Afghanistan or rural Africa are familiar with the Octo-mom or Kate Plus 8? You think what happens in the US is also covered in the news in other places? Really? You don't think they have their own news or TV shows in other countries? And maybe some of those places have state-controlled media that don't show stories about reproduction because its inconsistent with religious or cultural beliefs???

Also, just because someone has a general exposure to concept of medically-assisted reproduction does not mean they understand the biology, the procedures, the medications, or the terminology. In fact, there are highly educated women and men living in this country who come to this board asking these questions all the time. You expect someone who never needed to know this stuff - whether in our country or elsewhere - to keep up?

Need I mention that this whole process can be highly confusing and difficult to understand when it's you, let alone if you are trying to explain these things to your parents in their native language when your primary language is English?

Finally, not all cultures have the same theory of disease as that of Western medicine. This can also make it difficult to understand what's happening.

You people need to get out of the country more or you can just learn from those of us who have, rather than making claims about people living under rocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you think women and men living in Afghanistan or rural Africa are familiar with the Octo-mom or Kate Plus 8? You think what happens in the US is also covered in the news in other places? Really? You don't think they have their own news or TV shows in other countries? And maybe some of those places have state-controlled media that don't show stories about reproduction because its inconsistent with religious or cultural beliefs???

Also, just because someone has a general exposure to concept of medically-assisted reproduction does not mean they understand the biology, the procedures, the medications, or the terminology. In fact, there are highly educated women and men living in this country who come to this board asking these questions all the time. You expect someone who never needed to know this stuff - whether in our country or elsewhere - to keep up?

Need I mention that this whole process can be highly confusing and difficult to understand when it's you, let alone if you are trying to explain these things to your parents in their native language when your primary language is English?

Finally, not all cultures have the same theory of disease as that of Western medicine. This can also make it difficult to understand what's happening.

You people need to get out of the country more or you can just learn from those of us who have, rather than making claims about people living under rocks.

that's funny b/c I have traveled the world extensively and I am an immigrant to the US myself. I am talking about people who live in the USA. You must live under a rock if you are not at least basically familiar with IVF. GAWD!

[Anonymous]

I am single so I really needed to tell my parents for obvious reasons!

[Anonymous]

that's funny b/c I have traveled the world extensively and I am an immigrant to the US myself. I am talking about people who live in the USA. You must live under a rock if you are not at least basically familiar with IVF. GAWD!

That's not true. I'm American, with American parents, who did not have a lot of familiarity with assissted reproductive procedures because it just wasn't a part of their lives or their friends' lives. I'm sorry that you find this so shocking. Implicitly telling people that their parents are "living under a rock" may make you feel superior and good about yourself for some reason, but isn't doing much for discussion of what is obviously a real issue for many people.

[Anonymous]

I told my mom. She has been supportive. She told my dad. It was a huge weight off my back. Sometimes people surprise you! I am lucky to have so much family support. It makes up for lack of support from friends and coworkers. Good luck to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

that's funny b/c I have traveled the world extensively and I am an immigrant to the US myself. I am talking about people who live in the USA. You must live under a rock if you are not at least basically familiar with IVF. GAWD!

That's not true. I'm American, with American parents, who did not have a lot of familiarity with assissted reproductive procedures because it just wasn't a part of their lives or their friends' lives. I'm sorry that you find this so shocking. Implicitly telling people that their parents are "living under a rock" may make you feel superior and good about yourself for some reason, but isn't doing much for discussion of what is obviously a real issue for many people.

I can't tell you how many people (educated Americans) I've met who do not understand the difference between IUI or IVF. Or who think all twins and multiples are the result of ART (ignoring the statistics that do not bare this out, esp. for twins). There is a lot of ignorance of this topic out there, and I am willing to bet most people we encounter could not define some of the basic ART terms we throw around on this board. It's just not in their upclose personal experience. I know that my aunt is undergoing chemo for breast cancer, but (even though she's told me specifics of her treatment), there is no way I could explain everything that she is going through. It is just too new and unfamiliar to me. Similarly, I think that is how ART is for a lot of people out there.

[Anonymous]

Ok people, grandparents just want grandkids and they also want their own children to have a family and be happy. I seriously doubt that any parent would be so awful as to be judgmental about this! I think most grandparents would embrace it. Do you all find that to be true?

[Anonymous]

I seriously doubt that any parent would be so awful as to be judgmental about this! I think most grandparents would embrace it. Do you all find that to be true?

There are many reasons why grandparents might not immediately embrace ART. Besides what we've been talking about here (not understanding the process), religious prohibitions comes to mind. If the couple must use donor egg and/or sperm, I can see that also being a problem for family members.

We can all hope that our parents would embrace our children, but I wouldn't assume that's the case in all circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you think women and men living in Afghanistan or rural Africa are familiar with the Octo-mom or Kate Plus 8? You think what happens in the US is also covered in the news in other places? Really? You don't think they have their own news or TV shows in other countries? And maybe some of those places have state-controlled media that don't show stories about reproduction because its inconsistent with religious or cultural beliefs???

Also, just because someone has a general exposure to concept of medically-assisted reproduction does not mean they understand the biology, the procedures, the medications, or the terminology. In fact, there are highly educated women and men living in this country who come to this board asking these questions all the time. You expect someone who never needed to know this stuff - whether in our country or elsewhere - to keep up?

Need I mention that this whole process can be highly confusing and difficult to understand when it's you, let alone if you are trying to explain these things to your parents in their native language when your primary language is English?

Finally, not all cultures have the same theory of disease as that of Western medicine. This can also make it difficult to understand what's happening.

You people need to get out of the country more or you can just learn from those of us who have, rather than making claims about people living under rocks.

that's funny b/c I have traveled the world extensively and I am an immigrant to the US myself. I am talking about people who live in the USA. You must live under a rock if you are not at least basically familiar with IVF. GAWD!

OR not have enough money where that is even an option. "GAWD" You really think IVF is common for everyone in the US given how much it costs??? You think it's something that is commonly discussed? You must live in a bubble. I traveled the word extensively too, and I am an immigrant as well. Somehow through all my travels I didn't lose my common sense along the way.