Learning about being adopted through an anonymous call...

[Anonymous]

This whole thing strikes me as an urban legend. The anonymous phone call that reveals that you are adopted!!! The life issues that suddenly are remediated! The closeness of the family! The heart-rending tale that led up to the adoption! Oh the drama!!

Excuse me while I turn to Lifetime's Suddenly The Phone Rang: She Found Out She Was Adopted!

[Anonymous]

Wow, thanks for the support, ladies.

As I said in my OP I was just venting. It was the anniversary of the death of my cousin, I was on the phone with my mom, the subject came up and I just felt like talking about it a bit more.

There's no need to act like that. I just hope you're more supportive when your RL friends come to you to vent. Jeez!

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is hurtful as as much as you are trying to be supportive the words and phrasing you used are very negative. She was not given up. She was placed and she was placed for a good reason that her birthparents could not parent her. Back when she was adopted, it was very common to have a closed and hidden adoption. There were more adoptions like that than there were open/known. That is what parents were told to do and it was the belief that that was the best approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it is hurtful as as much as you are trying to be supportive the words and phrasing you used are very negative. She was not given up. She was placed and she was placed for a good reason that her birthparents could not parent her. Back when she was adopted, it was very common to have a closed and hidden adoption. There were more adoptions like that than there were open/known. That is what parents were told to do and it was the belief that that was the best approach.

OP here. I already apologized for the wrong word usage and ITA with your statement about closed vs open adoptions. My mom is such a rare example among her generation so I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop FBFNFTM! You're killing me. But I like your creativity. Maybe you should write a book.

What does this stand for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop FBFNFTM! You're killing me. But I like your creativity. Maybe you should write a book.

What does this stand for?

Foreign born former nanny first time mom. This poster likes to create hypothetical scenarios to see how others will respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it's very true some adoptees talk of always feeling out of place, knowing something wasn't as it seemed, not fitting in, etc...but that's far from universal. It's also easy/tempting to say those feelings stem from the adoption, not something else. Millions of people raised within their biological families are depressed or commit suicide and recent research shows the difference b/w adoptees and non-adoptees doesn't conform to the stereotype (see below). It also doesn't do anyone any good to perpetuate the stereotype that if an adoptee just reunites with their bio family, those "holes" they have will close. It's so individual and fact-dependent and adoptees can be left feeling worse if they don't feel "whole" like all the happy stories tell them they should.

There are issues related to being adopted
You cannot just brush that aside by saying it does not exist
Adoptees are often angry at being abondoned so they do not connect with their birth families. I know one person whose adoptive parents divorced, mom became alcoholic.
And she did find her birth mom. After having kids of her own was very bitter at being given away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it's very true some adoptees talk of always feeling out of place, knowing something wasn't as it seemed, not fitting in, etc...but that's far from universal. It's also easy/tempting to say those feelings stem from the adoption, not something else. Millions of people raised within their biological families are depressed or commit suicide and recent research shows the difference b/w adoptees and non-adoptees doesn't conform to the stereotype (see below). It also doesn't do anyone any good to perpetuate the stereotype that if an adoptee just reunites with their bio family, those "holes" they have will close. It's so individual and fact-dependent and adoptees can be left feeling worse if they don't feel "whole" like all the happy stories tell them they should.

There are issues related to being adopted
You cannot just brush that aside by saying it does not exist
Adoptees are often angry at being abondoned so they do not connect with their birth families. I know one person whose adoptive parents divorced, mom became alcoholic.
And she did find her birth mom. After having kids of her own was very bitter at being given away

NP here, and adoptee and adoptive parent. Why not just say that there MAY be issues related to being adopted? Some people haves them, others, including myself and my sister, do not. I don't have any holes deep down, I'm happy with my life, happy that I was placed for adoption, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your friend know you are posting this? I'd be furious if someone posted my life online without my permission.

It was unpardonable for the adoptive mother not to tell the daughter that she was adopted and it is unconscionable, on your part, to tell her life story. I'd be furious, as well, and this would be the end of the friendship. Here's a tip: It is not your right to tell every thing you know about someone else. It is called being discrete. Another tip: NEVER and I mean NEVER bring this up with your friend (if she still ramains your friend when she finds out what you have done) unless she brings it up first and LET her tell you the story. Simply pretend that you knew nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop FBFNFTM! You're killing me. But I like your creativity. Maybe you should write a book.

What on earth does FBFNFTM stand for??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your friend know you are posting this? I'd be furious if someone posted my life online without my permission.

It was unpardonable for the adoptive mother not to tell the daughter that she was adopted and it is unconscionable, on your part, to tell her life story. I'd be furious, as well, and this would be the end of the friendship. Here's a tip: It is not your right to tell every thing you know about someone else. It is called being discrete. Another tip: NEVER and I mean NEVER bring this up with your friend (if she still ramains your friend when she finds out what you have done) unless she brings it up first and LET her tell you the story. Simply pretend that you knew nothing.

This is totally out of place for this thread. It was said already that the person in question is not in the US and doesn't speak English.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your friend know you are posting this? I'd be furious if someone posted my life online without my permission.

It was unpardonable for the adoptive mother not to tell the daughter that she was adopted and it is unconscionable, on your part, to tell her life story. I'd be furious, as well, and this would be the end of the friendship. Here's a tip: It is not your right to tell every thing you know about someone else. It is called being discrete. Another tip: NEVER and I mean NEVER bring this up with your friend (if she still ramains your friend when she finds out what you have done) unless she brings it up first and LET her tell you the story. Simply pretend that you knew nothing.

This is totally out of place for this thread. It was said already that the person in question is not in the US and doesn't speak English.

So, the Internet is only in the US and in English?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop FBFNFTM! You're killing me. But I like your creativity. Maybe you should write a book.

What on earth does FBFNFTM stand for??

Scroll up for an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, thanks for the support, ladies.

As I said in my OP I was just venting. It was the anniversary of the death of my cousin, I was on the phone with my mom, the subject came up and I just felt like talking about it a bit more.

There's no need to act like that. I just hope you're more supportive when your RL friends come to you to vent. Jeez!

But venting about what???? Nothing happened to you.

And no, your cousin didn't kill himself because he was adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, thanks for the support, ladies.

As I said in my OP I was just venting. It was the anniversary of the death of my cousin, I was on the phone with my mom, the subject came up and I just felt like talking about it a bit more.

There's no need to act like that. I just hope you're more supportive when your RL friends come to you to vent. Jeez!

But venting about what???? Nothing happened to you.

And no, your cousin didn't kill himself because he was adopted.

How do you know?