s/o if you're on the fence about a second kid...

[Anonymous]

OP, I just want to empathize. I'm an only and will be the sole caretaker for my parents. It's already started, and I see how tough it will be. To make things worse, we have a terrible relationship and I did not have a happy childhood. But, regardless, it's tough. Good luck to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are no guarantees. I am one of two. My sister lives in the same city as my mom and my mom has always expected that my sister would be the one to help care for her in old age given the proximity. My sister is in her 40s and is dying from a rare and aggressive form of cancer. I am expecting my first child (in my 40s as well) within the week. I don't know if my sister will even be able to meet this child given how sick she is at the moment. So, I now will be raising a small child and caring for my mother from afar. Would I ever have guessed this scenario possible even 18 months ago? Nope. But, I will deal with it as it comes. Nothing else I can do.

But how would it have been better for either you or your parents to have had only one child? If that one were your sister, she would die young and your mom would have noone left. Even if you were the only one, you would still have spent 40+ years of your life without your sister. Would you have preferred that?

Don't know where you are going with this one, troll. All I was stating is that having two kids doesn't mean that there will be two kids to take care of parents in old age - which was the point the OP was trying to make. Nice try to stir crap up!!!

I apologize for not appreciating the depth of the truism that nothing is 100% guaranteed. And, no OP's point was not that having more than one child would guarantee that more than one would take care of elderly parents, but rather, that there would be some chance of that, while in the case of an only child, there is zero chance of that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in a similar situation with my mom, and I have to say, it has been a big factor in our recent decision to try for number two. My sister is ten years younger, and while she's not in a position to help out that much both due to financial and geographic limitations, having someone else I can just talk to freely and share mutual frustrations about my mom with has been sooooo important. As the PP said, while there's no guarantee the siblings will have that sort of relationship, without a sibling you are guaranteed they will not have anybody like that to lean on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll point out the other perspective. I'm one of three. I was the middle child who was basically ignored or compared. I have no relationship with my parents or siblings. I so wish I was the only one so I could've gotten some attention. People there is no guarantee that if you have multiples, that you would be a better parent or that sibling would be each others support system. Do what you think you can do the best job withis not because it's good to give a child support system. My best support system now is my husband and my friends. My husband is the only child and just learned to built good quality friends around him who are like family.

So what you are saying is that you would rather not to have been born?

Actually yes, my parents had kids because their cohorts were having kids. Not because they had the maturity or financial capability to have multiples. My life would've been better if I was the only one. ....or not born at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll point out the other perspective. I'm one of three. I was the middle child who was basically ignored or compared. I have no relationship with my parents or siblings. I so wish I was the only one so I could've gotten some attention. People there is no guarantee that if you have multiples, that you would be a better parent or that sibling would be each others support system. Do what you think you can do the best job withis not because it's good to give a child support system. My best support system now is my husband and my friends. My husband is the only child and just learned to built good quality friends around him who are like family.

So what you are saying is that you would rather not to have been born?

Actually yes, my parents had kids because their cohorts were having kids. Not because they had the maturity or financial capability to have multiples. My life would've been better if I was the only one. ....or not born at all.

Whatever their motivation, I find your comment incredibly ungrateful. Boo-hoo, you were not the start of the family so it would have been better if you were not born.

Btw, I can't but notice that you haven't committed suicide (yet). If you truly prefer to have not been born, why don't you kill yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll point out the other perspective. I'm one of three. I was the middle child who was basically ignored or compared. I have no relationship with my parents or siblings. I so wish I was the only one so I could've gotten some attention. People there is no guarantee that if you have multiples, that you would be a better parent or that sibling would be each others support system. Do what you think you can do the best job withis not because it's good to give a child support system. My best support system now is my husband and my friends. My husband is the only child and just learned to built good quality friends around him who are like family.

So what you are saying is that you would rather not to have been born?

Actually yes, my parents had kids because their cohorts were having kids. Not because they had the maturity or financial capability to have multiples. My life would've been better if I was the only one. ....or not born at all.

Whatever their motivation, I find your comment incredibly ungrateful. Boo-hoo, you were not the start of the family so it would have been better if you were not born.

Btw, I can't but notice that you haven't committed suicide (yet). If you truly prefer to have not been born, why don't you kill yourself?

Wow. This is out of line, even by DCUM standards.

[Anonymous]

OP, the issue is not that you don't have siblings, but 1) that your mother failed to set aside sufficient resources; and/or 2) that you do not have an adequate emotional support network and imagine those of us with sibling do by default. I am sorry about your situation, but please don't extrapolate your circumstances as any sort of universal truth about the superiority of multi-child families.

[Cloud]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in a similar situation with my mom, and I have to say, it has been a big factor in our recent decision to try for number two. My sister is ten years younger, and while she's not in a position to help out that much both due to financial and geographic limitations, having someone else I can just talk to freely and share mutual frustrations about my mom with has been sooooo important. As the PP said, while there's no guarantee the siblings will have that sort of relationship, without a sibling you are guaranteed they will not have anybody like that to lean on.

Nicely put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the issue is not that you don't have siblings, but 1) that your mother failed to set aside sufficient resources; and/or 2) that you do not have an adequate emotional support network and imagine those of us with sibling do by default. I am sorry about your situation, but please don't extrapolate your circumstances as any sort of universal truth about the superiority of multi-child families.

You are dense. Yes, money makes thinks a lot easier, but it is not all. My MIL has tons of mo ey put aside for her care, but the day to day grind, dealing with ALL the decisions pertinent to her care, her demands, her dementia, her falls a,d visits to the hospital, her calls at 3, 4, 5 am, etc... Everything is on him. He is adamant he wants at least one other childso we don't put our daughter in this position in the figure - if things don't work out, at least we tried....

[Anonymous]

Another no guarantees poster here. Im one of two. My brother has been addicted to drugs since middle school (I come from an extremely well-educated upper middle class family, it can happen in any family). I have spent the past twenty-five years dealing with this in various ways that affect my life greatly on a daily basis. I love my brother, so I would never wish that he wasn't born, but he certainly doesn't make things easier.