Is this rude? Refusing gparents' gift
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Anonymous
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I agree it is rude not to accept a gift. Having said that, in these circumstances, I'm silently cheering for your DS. It's an awkward situation. I think you need to do something (better your DH) and bar gifts except on occasions. I wouldn't go asking for $ as an alternative but maybe gift them alternative ideas (doing activities with your DS or whatever). I assume they do this because this is how they show their love. But enough is enough. And sure, just load up the past toys your DS doesn't want and donate to charity.
My ILs don't live so close but if we did see them more, we'd have this issue. As it is, we have stuff that hasn't even made it out of the box and goes straight into the charity bin. Lots of it is crap but also lots of it is age inappropriate or just not what our DC cares about. Basically my FIL buys things he wants to play with. Wish he'd just buy it for himself. |
Anonymous
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Yes, it is rude.And I am coming from a similar place as you: we are bombarded with gifts by one set of grandparents. Gifts for Valentines, just because gifts, next we'll get gifts for St Patricks and Happy Spring and then Easter. This is my MIL's love language. So even though I hate clutter and have wanted to shout "please STOP giving us stuff!" I don't. I have tried to steer grandma's enthusiasm for buying toward buying clothes for DC. It's been somewhat successful--I gush about the clothes and send her pics of the kids in them, and slowly she has been sending more clothes and fewer knick knacks. It's a win-win. She loves to shop and is amazing at finding bargains and cute outfits. I hate shopping.
We have donated boxes of stuffed animals to shelters and to children in Afghanistan. And I feel no guilt about donating TJ Maxx home decor knick knacks (really, who sends this to a toddler!?) to VVA. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Well, I agree your son was rude, but I think I'm really proud of him for setting boundaries and being able to say no to a toy. He's certainly not greedy. I think you need to intervene and tell them that you have to approve gifts first ("you know what he likes") or somehow be a buffer. You also sound like you have some boundary issues w/ them - this could be a way to help you too. I recognize the problem! I have it too. But we have a strict, toys from grandparents stay at grandparent's house. Same w/ food. |
Anonymous
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I beg to differ from the crowd!
I do not think it is rude! I think it is more rude for the g-parents to keep giving gifts you have thoughtfully explain you DO NOT WANT! If we cannot be honest with family then the problem is not manners -- it goes deeper than that. I can tell my in-laws no thank you and my family too -- it's how you do it -- and I commend your son for using his manners to say "NO Thank You!" How smart and thoughtful of him to realize he has enough stuff. Your in-laws sound a little manipulative and a bit clueless about how to show their affection sans gifts. |
Anonymous
Your in-laws are being incredibly rude and your son was also rude. But he is a child (and still learning) whereas they are adults and should know better by now. Tell them they are free to keep all these big/unwanted toys at THEIR house, and when he comes there he can play with them and it will be so special for everyone. Say it with a big smile and pleasant voice. 
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Anonymous
| OP, I kinda agree with you vs. all the Ms. Manners posts. Can I have your son? |
Anonymous
Your inlaws are really rude. I dont think your child was rude. He was polite, he said no thank you. No means no, simple as that. Your inlaws coaxing and discussing it all throughout dinner was just plain weird. I would have called them out on it and told them to stop talking about it. |
Anonymous
| I would defend DS in front of the inlaws. Your son needs to know you have his back on this. No way would I have listened to them try to guilt trip my child throughout dinner. WTH is wrong with them? |
Anonymous
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Yes, incredibly rude.
Your son should accept the gift graciously then, after they leave, discuss donating it to charity. You should be encouraging charitable behavior rather than ungratefulness for your abundant gifts. |
Anonymous
Grandma? Is that you? No, the OP's parents' behavior is not "charitable behavior". It's a power struggle. Particularly since OP made it clear bulky gifts were unwanted at their small house. There are people out there for whom "gift-giving" has nothing to do with charity or "giving". Sounds like the g'parents are some of those people. I know, because my MIL is also one of these narcissistic self-absorbed "givers". |
Anonymous
| Okay, so this doesn't help you for this instance, but if it were me, I might have stepped in and said "oh, that's so nice--could we keep to play with at grandma's house when you go over there?" |
Anonymous
Agree.... I'm more impressed by his lack of greed and sense that he has enough, than I am by any rudeness. The Gparents are incorrigible and out of line and massively more rude because they should know better and respect boundaries/ requests. agree that in future a better response is to lay down the law w gparents, and if they don't get it say "thanks, I will donate to this to someone less fortunate who will enjoy it!" |
Anonymous
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Yup -- my sister did this, but with the umpteenth craft kit my mother bought for DD. This one involved little bags of colored sand, if I recall. A major mess in the making.
My sister said "Oh, wow - that looks like so much fun! I think you should take that with you when you visit grandma next week so you can do it together." The look of horror on grandma's face was enough to shut down the craft kits once and for all. |
Anonymous
Totally agree with this. The grandparents were rude from start to finish. What etiquette rule says that you need to respond to blatant disregard for others with politeness? |
Anonymous
Where does it end though? These sound like the kind of grandparents who would be upset to find out that their gifts were being given to charity. You're better off just being honest. It would be different if they didnt give so many gifts and the parents and the child have said they dont want the gifts. No thank you means no thank you. No need to take it and then donate it. |