This is going to be controversial but I need some help.
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Anonymous
| He was born five weeks early. I think the theory on these websites and in the studies etc. is that abortion can cause incompetent cervix. It very well may. |
Anonymous
Nobody really knows. The people that run those websites are trying to prevent abortions, so they say what will help get that message across. What is in the past is done and can't be changed. You need to move on with you life, and stop punishing yourself. I think that is the whole point of life, to learn from our mistakes and then continue to grow. Thankfully five weeks isn't too early. But you will deffinetly need to be careful if you have another baby. Because they know of this issue they can do things to prolong your pregnancy. Make sure to avoid IUDs or wait six months after having it removed to concieve., Read about them, my SIL had one for 5 years, then concieved a month after it was removed. She lost her baby 6 mo. later. She never had a problem with incompetant cervix before the IUD. |
Anonymous
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If it helps to hear from those of us who have had abortions and then had no problem carrying to term and past term, here I am....Three terminations for different reasons, first baby after that 5 years later went past due date by almost a week and then had to be induced. Pregnant again at 37 weeks with no issues. No signs of labor or any reason to think we are going to deliver early. I am assuming we will go late again.
I think you are doing the right thing going to therapy to try and put everything in perspective. Take good care of yourself and know that as the PP's said, you and the baby will both be loved and things will work out... |
Anonymous
PP are you the one who posted earlier about the lost baby at 6 mo gestation. Please people - for those of us who are pregnant (this IS an expectant moms forum) when you put scary stories in here like people miscarrying at 6, 7, months - TELL US WHY!!!!!!!!!! I'm 5 months pregnant and your earlier comment scared the crap out of me, and probably a bunch of others. Think before you post. OP I am so sorry, but please the other posters are right, at some point you have to stop beating yourself up over this. I am (somewhat) in the same boat with a regret situation I can't undo, but my husband keeps saying, "All you can do is learn from it, not do it again, and try to get past it." Five weeks isn't dire, I have friends who had complications and went into labor at 25 weeks and their babies are alive (in the NICU still) but doing REALLY WELL! They can do amazing things with medicine now, and you got to 35 weeks, you did good. Be kind to yourself. |
Anonymous
| It does help. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again and my husband and I are devastated. Thank you. |
Anonymous
PP here, I am so sorry! I did not mean to scare you! I actually did not notice the forum it was in, I was worried about the OP and lost track of my thoughts. Thanks for the reminder to be careful. I also wonder if this is the appropriate forum for the OP's question, the reason I answered so frankly was because of how honest her post was. |
Anonymous
| OP, one of my sisters had many abortions. I know of four, though I have heard from my other sisters that she had more than this. She also gave birth to three babies full-term, no issues. If having multiple abortions caused incompentent cervix then having D&C after miscarriages would also cause that. I have had three miscarriages with D&C and have had two babies full-term, no issues. I think you are reading too much into this. Though guilt and sadness over terminating pregancies is perfectly normal. My sister dealt with this, too, but finally got over it by being the best mom she could be to the kids she did have. Actually, her daughter just gave birth to triplets born at 27 weeks. It's been two weeks now and they are doing really well, though several more weeks before they can leave the NICU. My husband was born at 35 weeks back in 1968 and turned out just fine. Congratulations on your baby! |
Anonymous
| OP, try to be kind to yourself. Guilt is a very normal reaction when something scary happens to your child. There's no evidence that your prior terminations caused this. Your doctor has said so, and the stories of the PP's on this board show that as well. I will echo what another PP said about therapy for guilt. I would recommend this. It can really help. |
Anonymous
What's wrong with me? You absolutely seemed to be piling on the OP, for absolutely no reason, when there is no medical proof that her "bad" choices resulted in her baby being born early. If you, by saying that "part of being a grown up is facing the consequences" of past decision were not trying to pile additional guilt on the OP for her past, which is certainly how it sounded, then I take it back. If you were actually saying, as you seemed to be, that she made her bed so she should now lie in it without complaint, then I reiterate what I first said. Please take your self-righteous and judgmental self away. |
Anonymous
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OP, be kind to yourself! We all make decisions about things based on what we know to be best for us at the time.
Honestly, people go into pre-term labor for all sorts of reasons. Don't blame yourself! |
Anonymous
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OP, you are likely suffering from PPD. It is extremely common in women -- both those who have and those who have not had any prior terminations -- and is even more common in women who delivered pre-term.
Please obtain a referral from your OB/GYN for counseling. It's NORMAL to feel this way. It really is. But you may well need help to be able to refocus. Our baby was in the NICU for about two weeks, and I felt tremendous guilt (in my case, about being of "advanced maternal age" -- also a factor linked to preterm birth, along with many, many others). I felt I didn't deserve my child, and that I had started him off in life with a deficit. It passed, but it was punishing while it lasted. My (non-medical, non-expert, personal) opinion is that we have these feelings partly because the baby was a part of *us* for such a long time; we still feel responsible if anything is imperfect after birth. BTW, our kid is a joyous, energy-filled, age-appropriately-developed kid now. Only my husband and I remember his time in the NICU, and it is slowly but surely fading for us too. You have done an AMAZING thing by bringing this new person into the world. You have been, and will be, a caring, loving, concerned, and happy parent - you will! Please seek assistance if you don't believe either of the previous two sentences. Best to you and your family. |
Anonymous
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When something bad happens to your baby, you look at what you might have done "wrong" that might have caused it. It is a normal reaction. If it weren't prior terminations, it would be something else.
Be cautious as to the agendas of the websites telling you that there is medical risk associated with D&Cs. Look for OBJECTIVE medical evidence. (This goes for other things too like pre-natal vitamins, non-stick pans, and whatever else has vested interests, turf interests or a ideology behind it.) As someone who is very interested in a healthy life and healthy pregnancy, I find it incredibly frustrating to sift through all the B.S. out there, or the things that are opinions, or gross generalizations, than actual fact. (sigh) Be more than cautious. Be angry at these. Really, we should do a better job as a society in figuring out what we know as FACT versus what is OPINION. And sure, as our medical knowledge grows, former "facts" are revised. As the Internet gives a forum to an ever-wider spectrum of people with agendas, it becomes ever more difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. Anyway, the point here is that you are freaking out because of what you read on the Internet. DON'T freak out. I freaked out for months after I found out I was pregnant bc I hadn't taken a folic acid supplement prior to getting pregnant. Soon after the positive test, I read a magazine that stated that there was a 7x less likely chance of having a child with autism if one took a supplement 4 months before conception. I have yet to find the underlying article with actual research. I again freaked out when I heard a story about non-stick pans and threw mine away. But the scientific proof of any health-related dangers of using non-stick pans in good repair is hard to find. Then of course, is Dupont saying "Oh no, no problem here." Ugh. Listen, I just want to know what is a FACT, and what we DO NOT KNOW. Heck, and I was freaking out on both accounts because of something I read that was presumably based on scientific studies (which I'd LOVE to read!!!) So please, OP, do not get freaked out by something you read on the Internet when medical knowledge points the other way. You are tapping into your guilt and fear. You are looking to blame yourself for your baby boy being in the NICU - something which must be incredibly difficult for you. It is human nature to look for a reason why this is so, and these stupid websites have won over your imagination. |
Anonymous
You're the moron, that's what her doctor TOLD HER. |
Anonymous
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Thanks everyone. Just kindness and acceptance gives me an enormous amount of perspective and some calm. In my rational mind, l know that there is an enormous amount of propaganda out there. I guess I just always expected to be "punished" in some way and instead I feel like the poor baby is suffering.
Of course, PP, I just freaked out about folic acid when I started to read your post. I need a grip. |
Anonymous
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16:18 PP here.
Ha ha! I know, right? There is so much to be freaked out about. Like, is my belly too close to my laptop? Was my shower too hot today? Did that heavy box that pressed into my abdomen do my baby any harm? And of course there is my favorite, is all this stressing out bad for my baby? (Good grief!) And then you do more research to find out that a lot of the info is inconclusive, not empirical, etc., etc. Then you start to notice a trend of which interests back which statements, and you realize that there is A LOT of misinformation out there. Just stick to what we know. Look at peer-reviewed articles when you can. And trust your gut -- as long as you can distinguish it from your fears. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. Relax. Know that your concerns are coming from a place of wanting to be a good mom. That is a good thing. Just realize that your fears are just that. Emotions. Love your baby the way you already know how. |