Troubled by the Privilege: Advice?

[Anonymous]

We live in a middle class neighborhood (truly middle class - cheap apartments across the street, construction workers and admin assistants and EMTs in the neighborhood) but send our kid to an independent school that we feel is modeling our values - there are very few fancy bags or suits on display, though I am sure most can afford them. We think about what it will mean for DC to grow up feeling "poor" at school and "rich" at home, since relatively we are both of those things compared to DC's school friends and our neighbors. A little cognitive dissonance never hurt anyone...

[Anonymous]

had the same concern"


+! I think this is a very valid concern.

[Anonymous]

We started in public and then went private for MS, so our kids had more exposure to a wider pool of classmates. Plus, while we are certainly financially comfortable, our kids do not get every new and fancy thing, and we work very hard to keep them grounded.

[Anonymous]

I hear what you're saying OP. A PP is correct that, assuming you are talking about independent schools in NW DC or lower MoCo (like Norwood, Sidwell, WES), the student body isn't so different from the zoned public option. At least at our school, most of the children come from the the Whitman cluster or Ward 3.

Meaning, to NOT be surrounded by the 5%, we would need to move ... somewhere else. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make much sense from a commuting/financial standpoint. Maybe safety too.

(I always post on the "Let's Bash DC!" threads that I dream of moving to a medium sized city someplace with an actual middle class, like Denver or Columbia, SC or something.)

So anyway. Others have given some good suggestions. Our plan for the future includes making our kids work crappy, thankless jobs that no teens around here do anymore. Lawn mowing, bussing tables, and the like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear what you're saying OP. A PP is correct that, assuming you are talking about independent schools in NW DC or lower MoCo (like Norwood, Sidwell, WES), the student body isn't so different from the zoned public option. At least at our school, most of the children come from the the Whitman cluster or Ward 3.

Meaning, to NOT be surrounded by the 5%, we would need to move ... somewhere else. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make much sense from a commuting/financial standpoint. Maybe safety too.

(I always post on the "Let's Bash DC!" threads that I dream of moving to a medium sized city someplace with an actual middle class, like Denver or Columbia, SC or something.)

So anyway. Others have given some good suggestions. Our plan for the future includes making our kids work crappy, thankless jobs that no teens around here do anymore. Lawn mowing, bussing tables, and the like.

While this is true for our elementary school, by the time DS would reach high school, the population would certainly be more economically diverse because the HS would be drawing from a much much larger geographic region. This is very true for Wilson and some of the NoVa public schools, maybe less so for Whitman.

[Anonymous]

The downcounty MoCo schools (Silver Spring and Takoma Park) are very diverse. This includes ES, MS and HS.

[Anonymous]

It is what it is. If you can afford it, get your kid the best education you possibly can.

[Anonymous]

Dd went public through 9th grade and then private. I think one issue is figuring out what works best for your kids and kids are different and need different things at different times. The thing that kept her grounded is that we live in a poorer section of the city. It did piss her off that she had to travel so far on metro to see her friends and she has always hated our house. But she is so much more comfortable in any part of the city than her friends and I believe she is proud of that now.

Good that you're thinking about theses things. Good luck deciding!

[Anonymous]

I'm npt sure where your child goes to school. We send ours to a frequently-named private school in NW and I simply do not see this. Most of the parents are older and well established, yes. Most of them place a huge emphasis on education and are extremely educated themselves. Yes- they tend to live in nice neighborhoods - but the homes and cars are not flashy. My DD has a friend who attends a McLean public school and, from what I hear, there is a lot more emphasis on wealth and flash there. Two of her friends have helicopter landing pads on their McMansions!

Bottom line is that your children will be most impacted by you and they way you choose to raise them. Set boundaries, teach them the worth of things, have them choose charities they care about and volunteer. This is far more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear what you're saying OP. A PP is correct that, assuming you are talking about independent schools in NW DC or lower MoCo (like Norwood, Sidwell, WES), the student body isn't so different from the zoned public option. At least at our school, most of the children come from the the Whitman cluster or Ward 3.

Meaning, to NOT be surrounded by the 5%, we would need to move ... somewhere else. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make much sense from a commuting/financial standpoint. Maybe safety too.

(I always post on the "Let's Bash DC!" threads that I dream of moving to a medium sized city someplace with an actual middle class, like Denver or Columbia, SC or something.)

So anyway. Others have given some good suggestions. Our plan for the future includes making our kids work crappy, thankless jobs that no teens around here do anymore. Lawn mowing, bussing tables, and the like.

Are those jobs available for teens these days? I worked a variety of manual labor and retail jobs in high school - after school, weekends, summers - but you don't really see kids doing that anymore. Is that because I live in the city, and suitable jobs are taken by people when need them to support a family (which is a whole separate problem)? Are those jobs available in the suburbs?

[Anonymous]

I don't know about restaurant work, but here in NWDC, an enterprising teen could definitely mow lawns, walk dogs, shovel snow (if it ever fell), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about restaurant work, but here in NWDC, an enterprising teen could definitely mow lawns, walk dogs, shovel snow (if it ever fell), etc.

Yeah, I guess that's right. Where I grew up, mowing lawns consisted of sitting on a tractor for a few hours, so I tend to forget that it's an issue around here as well. What about retail work? That doesn't seem to be available.

[Anonymous]

We live in PG County, so maybe things are different in MoCo or in the city, but when leaves or snow fall there are a couple of enterprising groups of young teens that come around offering to rake or shovel. When it is summer they come knocking to mow yards/wash cars. I think retail jobs are harder to get, but a kid willing to pound the pavement or put ads in the town newsletter can earn some spending money the old fashioned way.

[Anonymous]

Mine went to public until MS and may return to public for HS. The private school is outstanding, and they are very happy. However, my kids definitely show outstanding character and values in contrast to a number of their privileged classmates who, like us, have much but unlike us, never experienced life outside of the bubble OP describes. Do public while they're young if you have a good option.

[Anonymous]

Good Book: The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids



http://www.amazon.com/Price-Privilege-Advantage-Generation-Disconnected/dp/0060595841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329236075&sr=8-1

it was an eye-opener for me...