Staying after our if wedlock baby and judgment

[Anonymous]

100% dependent on the situation

[Anonymous]

OP, curious to know why you care what random people think? I'd wonder why you would stay, but if I knew about the out of wedlock child, I'd also know you well enough to ask you why you stayed. Honestly, I judge you more for rationalizing a choice it sounds like you aren't happy with. You're trying to convince yourself to do something that you don't feel is what you want to do. Otherwise, you wouldn't care what any of us thought.

[Anonymous]

Another "it depends" here. Is the DW being a doormat, not doing anything to change the situation and staying only because she's too afraid to leave or intent on wallowing in her misery? Or did the couple make changes to find a new path in their relationship, yet accept what happened?

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH cheated (no kids, thank God) but one of the things I *obsessed* about in the first year after it happened was what other women would think about me. I could not stop feeling ashamed for staying. But thank God I did because my marriage and my husband are fantastic now and I hate the thought that I might have given it all up.

Honestly, what I realized through counseling is that the obsession with how people will think of you is just your mistrust, vulnerability, and insecurity talking. What you're doing asking this question on DCUM (where you're going to get flamed) is torturing yourself - plain and simple. It won't help. In fact, if anything, if you are trying to stay and work it out, you're sabotaging that process by purposely freaking yourself out.

It really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you. Your real friends will love and support you no matter what and in time, after you've made real progress dealing with the very difficult emotions that accompany infidelity, you seriously won't give a darn what anyone else thinks. It's not their life. It's yours.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would I even know about the infidelity and the other child? I assume only people very very close to you would know, in which case "I" would be looking at this in some kind of context and so no, would not simply judge. Is there a reason people who don't know you well would hear all of this? I haven't read the other thread.

The kid is Clearly not ours. I haven't been pregnant recently. And he had already told his friends and family. So of whom don't like me.

[Anonymous]

Some!!!!! So should be some

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would I even know about the infidelity and the other child? I assume only people very very close to you would know, in which case "I" would be looking at this in some kind of context and so no, would not simply judge. Is there a reason people who don't know you well would hear all of this? I haven't read the other thread.

The kid is Clearly not ours. I haven't been pregnant recently. And he had already told his friends and family. So of whom don't like me.

Now I'm judging him and worried about you. If you stay with him, his #1 priority needs to be rebuilding your marriage. Two red flags:

1. It sounds like the two of you don't have/he isn't following an agreement on how you will tell others the news of this baby
2. He has friends who don't like you? That's toxic. Your relationship is on life support, and if it's his priority to make it work, he needs to step away from ANYONE who isn't 100% behind it.


You're the wronged party here. I'd have nothing but respect for a spouse who can welcome an out-of-wedlock child. But if your husband isn't 100% committed to you, I see misery ahead.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't want us near the kid. My husband is insisting.

[Anonymous]

Ask Jeffrey Toobin's wife.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't judge you, not for a minute. It's NONE OF MY FREAKING BUSINESS!!!

I judge people who hurt others, not how people react to being hurt.