Forcing friendships between kids

[Anonymous]

And I wasn't a toddler. This happened throughout my teens years also. Sux but sht like this ruined my life and left me constantly stressed out n angry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my daughters school is trying to force her to be friends with certain other pupils. My daughter is very socially aware, but she also doesnt suffer fools gladly. She appears to be singled out as a bully by the teachers because she doesnt want to socialise with these children. She isnt rude, offensive or agressive to these children, she just chooses not to socialise with them. I have taught my daughter not to lie, but as far as I can see the only way to be not seen as a bully is to pretend to be everyones friend?

There's too many catchphrases in this post. "Suffer fools gladly" "socially aware" "singled out as a bully" "taught her not to lie" "pretend to be everyones friend."

Your use of catchphrases leads me to believe that your daughter is being called out on some not-so-nice behavior and you and she are cloaking her behavior behind some of these catchphrases.

No one suffers fools gladly. We all want to be socially aware, and no one wants to be singled out unfairly as a bully. We all want our children to be honest and not to pretend to be other peoples' friends when they are not. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT in a classroom of children, your daughter cannot say and do things that hurt other children's feelings under the guise of not suffering fools, being honest, being socially aware, and refusing to pretend to be someone's friend. These are not excuses she can wield in order to hurt other children and ostracize kids she doesn't like.

I suspect very strongly that your daughter is not being "singled out" as a bully. Rather, she is engaging in some active meanness and needs to be checked. Checked by you and by the school.

[Anonymous]

Politeness is required, enjoying someone's company is not.
We would not demand interaction beyond basic pleasantries or force a friendship.

They must greet the person politely, and make civil conversation if someone speaks to them, but I would no more demand that my kids go off and play with someone they don't specifically like than I would expect myself to go out of my way to socialize with a coworker who's alright I guess but not someone I clicked with in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my daughters school is trying to force her to be friends with certain other pupils. My daughter is very socially aware, but she also doesnt suffer fools gladly. She appears to be singled out as a bully by the teachers because she doesnt want to socialise with these children. She isnt rude, offensive or agressive to these children, she just chooses not to socialise with them. I have taught my daughter not to lie, but as far as I can see the only way to be not seen as a bully is to pretend to be everyones friend?

There's too many catchphrases in this post. "Suffer fools gladly" "socially aware" "singled out as a bully" "taught her not to lie" "pretend to be everyones friend."

Your use of catchphrases leads me to believe that your daughter is being called out on some not-so-nice behavior and you and she are cloaking her behavior behind some of these catchphrases.

No one suffers fools gladly. We all want to be socially aware, and no one wants to be singled out unfairly as a bully. We all want our children to be honest and not to pretend to be other peoples' friends when they are not. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT in a classroom of children, your daughter cannot say and do things that hurt other children's feelings under the guise of not suffering fools, being honest, being socially aware, and refusing to pretend to be someone's friend. These are not excuses she can wield in order to hurt other children and ostracize kids she doesn't like.

I suspect very strongly that your daughter is not being "singled out" as a bully. Rather, she is engaging in some active meanness and needs to be checked. Checked by you and by the school.

+1

Your daughter is being actively mean. You've "taught her not to lie", but apparently haven't taught her to be kind.

[Anonymous]

Yon don't force it. There's no law that says you must, even if they're family. DD and one female cousin have never gotten along. It's been that way since they were both 4. It's like oil and water with these two together. I sat DD down and explained that you don't have to be friends with everyone, but you MUST be civil and polite with everyone. Even if the other person is mean and picks on you, you have to remain civil. I taught her to disengage from the situation and take a break when her cousin became too much to handle. Now they're both 16 and DD uses the same skills with her. They'll say hello, have small talk, and when her cousin gets to be too much, she'll excuse herself to find another group to chat with.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 5 and 7. We get together with family friends. They are not necessarily my children's first pick of play date but they get along fine. I have only one friend whose kids are monsters and my kids and I don't like being around those kids. I try to get together with mom alone since she is my friend.

[Anonymous]

My mom tried to force me to be friends with her friends' kids and to this day, I am still resentful and still have terrible memories of being the awkward one and always left out. Those girls are all still BFFs and it hurts me to see them on Facebook or have my mom tell me about running into them at weddings and what not (weddings that I was not invited to). Maybe it's a little different because we are Indian and my mom really wanted me to have Indian friends, but it was and is terrible.


Cue the ladies telling me I need therapy!!