Forcing friendships between kids

[Anonymous]

Forcing is too strong a phrase- strongly encourage between say cousins or neighbors kids or church each week. Feels so awkward in social occasions and the kids fight nevermind embarassing.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if you really need/want to force friendships, per se. I make sure my son is polite in social gatherings. Especially with cousins.

[Anonymous]

Manners are always required. I don't worry about friendships so much, they are impossible to force. Fighting with the cousins is NOT okay. I tell them they have to try and get along with everyone, that doesn't mean they have to be best friends with everyone though.

[Anonymous]

yeah I wouldn't "force" however I would talk about avoiding conflict and being polite and respect. If the other kid tries to start the fight not to engage and walk away.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't force either. I tell my kids that there will always be people they don't like but never the less you have to be respectful. Even when someone is disrespectful to you, rise above and walk away. I think forcing children to be friends makes them feel like it is necessary to try to get people to like you. People that are taught that they have to get people to like them, grow up to be followers instead of leaders. "be who you are and say what you feel, cause the people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind"

[Anonymous]

I think if your child doesn't like/get along with someone, he should be asked to be polite and respectful, but not be forced to "hang out". This will cause its own set of problems (having to negotiate/explain with the other child's parents) but in the end I think we need to be able to choose who are friends are.

[Anonymous]

I consider family, even extended family to be considered differently than friends. I make sure that my kids spend time with cousins, whether or not they like them or not. One day they will appreciate having spent time with cousins and family. It is how bonds are created. When they are older and you and your siblings pass, it will be nice for cousins to come together and remember their past.

I wont force my kids to be friends with neighborhood kids or school kids that they don't like. Friends will come and go, but family is forever.

[Anonymous]

HOw are people even responding to this bizarre brief post? Clearly OP has a specific situation in mind but has not elaborated because it's easier to get support for a random general statement.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to and shouldn't force a friendship, but you can let your children know that you have chosen to spend time with people (your friends, family, a group from church) and expect certain behavior from them. Your social life does not have to be dictated by who your child likes, and his/hers doesn't have to be dictated by who you like.

I hang out with/interact w/moms who are not my first choice of friends for my DD, however, I also expect her to interact with the children of my friends periodically in a a polite and respectful manner.

I know growing up I would not have chosen some of my parents' friends kids as my friends, and was even embarrassed at times to "know" them in jr. high. However, we spent time together when our families got together, and *gasp* usually had a good time -- were we admit best friends in school, no,n(barely even admitted to knowing one another) but did we have a respect for each other, yes -- and surprise, surprise, 20 years later, who do we keep in touch with more -- the "family" friends, not the popular kids from one year or the next.

[Anonymous]

my daughters school is trying to force her to be friends with certain other pupils. My daughter is very socially aware, but she also doesnt suffer fools gladly. She appears to be singled out as a bully by the teachers because she doesnt want to socialise with these children. She isnt rude, offensive or agressive to these children, she just chooses not to socialise with them. I have taught my daughter not to lie, but as far as I can see the only way to be not seen as a bully is to pretend to be everyones friend?

[Anonymous]

It should be a small percentage of their social time - this forced socialization. Kids really act out when their week is filled with "get along" with church, then girl scouts, then classroom.

Make sure they have plenty of time to pick their friends - who they are going to hang out with.

[Anonymous]

If you want to unite children, you need to provide them with a common enemy. Simples.

[Anonymous]

Who's forcing OP? Other parents at church? A SIL? We force courtesy but we don't force friendship. In fact, I find myself saying "if you can't play nicely, don't play together" pretty often these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my daughters school is trying to force her to be friends with certain other pupils. My daughter is very socially aware, but she also doesnt suffer fools gladly. She appears to be singled out as a bully by the teachers because she doesnt want to socialise with these children. She isnt rude, offensive or agressive to these children, she just chooses not to socialise with them. I have taught my daughter not to lie, but as far as I can see the only way to be not seen as a bully is to pretend to be everyones friend?

Clearly, the school is seeing mean girl, exclusionary behavior that they wish to stop. She doesn't have to be best friends with everyone, but she does have to socialize with everyone at school. At recess, she has to let everyone join in the game. She can't save seats at lunch to make sure she doesn't have to sit with the less popular kid. And you need to emphasize being nice to everyone, even those who aren't her best friends.

[Anonymous]

I was forced as a kid to to go to peoples houses I despised. My mom would open the school phone book and call anyone. It was quite horrible to be honest. Forcing me to call other people to play with. I still hate that dumb btch for this