dealing drugs

[Anonymous]

No sweetie, I am a mother of 2 boys and a former recreational pot smoker (college years). What my point was is that he isnt shooting up in the back alleys-or in laymens terms he doesn't need to be shuttled off to rehab tonight over pot.
I completely agree with the pothead pp, that was great advice.
Don't over-react and push him away, lots of successful people smoked (and probably dealt a little) pot back in the day and have turned out fine
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Weed PP thank you - all very useful advice, and along the lines of what I was thinking. I certainly smoked my share in high school, and saw the results of "rehab" on enough of my friends not to think about that route, even if we could afford it. I certainly don't want the police involved.

Given how much weed he says he had, I think we may be dealing with low-level dealing here at the most (splitting it up & selling to friends). I doubt he has thought about the implications of being caught by the police. He is dumb enough to bring it to school, and was basically given a second chance there when they caught him high but didn't search him. He was suspended and had to go to drug classes.

Pretty sure his mom (custodial parent) doesn't know the full extent of this yet. Balancing act to keep his trust so he keeps talking so that we know what he's doing & can talk to him about why it might not be the best idea. I'm not sure what more punishment could be doled out. Everything has pretty much been taken away... Part of the problem is that everything was already taken away for much less serious behavior. We have some differences of opinion with his mom about when/what punishments should be, and think she goes to bat for him too often at school when he should just fail. I think he believes that nothing he does wrong ever has very real consequences.

I am looking for the Rolling Stone article. If anyone knows the title or author, let me know.

[Anonymous]

Another horrible but true story to provide to your son. Happened in my Bethesda neighborood, I'd guess in 2007 -- give or take a year. A Gonzaga recent alum and friends decided to buy $1000 worth of pot to have a blow out party before departing from college. They arranged to meet their dealer at the Grosvenor Metro to make the buy. The dealer had decided to steal the $1000 and drove the would be buyer into my residential Bethesda neighborhood. Apparently, the buyer resited and was shot in the head and killed on our neighborhood sidewalk. The victim's mother was a teacher at de Chantel (a parish school in Bethesda). The entire incident was accounted in detail in a Bethesda Magazine article in 2008 or so. It detailed the victim's drug experience and his mother's prior efforts to get him clean. It was very heart-breaking. I suspect if you call Bethesda Magazine, they would be more than happy to help you locate the article. Or Gonzaga would probably also know where to locate the details. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

agree do NOT involve yourself or your family in the criminal justice system at this point ... I've been in and around it for 30+ yrs. (attorney &c.) and the last thing I want is for anyone I care about to be subject to the whim of such a dysfunctional process/system over which you will have NO control whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Boarding school. Won't stop the drug habit, but will get him away from his suppliers and customers.

[Anonymous]

Boarding schools are full of drugs for those that want them, the same as any public or private school where kids have money to spend. If the kid wants to smoke weed, he will do it in boarding school or not. Trouble finds trouble. All this will do is provide another source of suppliers and customers.

[Anonymous]

the weed head pp has it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to smoke a shitload of weed in high school, college, and grad school. I am now a well adjusted adult, which is the place from where my advice comes.

First and foremost, DON'T TELL THE SCHOOL. DON'T CALL THE COPS. If your kid ends up in jail, they will meet people who will teach them things that make selling some weed look like a tea party. And, if they are kicked out of school, they will likely resort to more selling, quite likely of drugs harder/with higher legal consequences than weed.

Next, keep an open mind. Not as in "keep an open mind about weed man", because thats not what I am saying. Keep an open mind re: the fact that your child may just not realize the illegality of what they are doing. Not that they arent smart, but a large number of kids are going to smoke weed, or know someone who does. It is easier to get than booze was when we were young. So combine that with the fact that we as a society tend to treat smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and underage drinking all as the same level of "bad" and you get a lot of kids who just dont get what they are doing in the grand scheme of things.

Now, before doing anything else, talk to your kid to get an idea of the situation. First off, find out what level of "dealing" they are doing. Are they buying QPs (quarter pounds) of weed and breaking them down into a lot of smaller bags for all of the weed heads at their school? Are they buying an ounce or less and selling dime bags or single joints to their friends here and there?

Once you know whether your kid is the next Tony Montana or not, find out why your son is doing this. Is it for the easy money, is it because it has made him a lot of friends, is it just because he has a good weed connection and is taking advantage of it to hook his friends up? Or is it, as was the case when I smoked a lot of weed and sold some to my friends from time to time, because you can basically buy an ounce, break it down, sell most of it to your friends to recoup the costs, and end up with your own weed to smoke for free?

I realize that to many puritanical parents on this board it seems like this is overboard, but you really need to know how deep your kid is before you make any decisions.

I would also find out how often your kid is smoking weed. Big difference between the effects/severity of someone who smokes on the weekends at parties vs someone who smokes every day. And yes, your kid could very easily be selling and still fall into the latter category.

Now that you have this knowledge and know where your kid is coming from, talk to a professional outside of your school who specializes in these issues and go from there.

However please, from personal experience, don't send your kid to rehab for weed. They are going to--much as is the case in jail--learn a LOT more about drugs, hiding drugs, doing other drugs, buying drugs, etc. than they likely do now.

I have to say this sounds like REALLY solid advice, and jives with my own experience as a teen (though I was mostly just an experimental smoker).Thanks, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure his mom (custodial parent) doesn't know the full extent of this yet. Balancing act to keep his trust so he keeps talking so that we know what he's doing & can talk to him about why it might not be the best idea.

Hi OP, I say this as a divorced mom of young kids. Your situation is what I fear some day -- that my Ex will be too lenient on our kids if/when they start to drink/drug/seriously misbehave. That said, I really think you have to bring mom into the picture, especially as she is custodial parent. Part of the natural consequences of what your child did is to own up to it fully to custodial mom and other relevant family members. While I understand what you are saying about it being a balancing act about not "ratting him out" to custodial mom, it is not healthy to keep any secrets about the drug use/dealing from custodial mom (even if you think she will be too lenient). Your child has to earn YOUR trust back too, and part of this is owning up to what he did to everyone and making his plan to stop part of the public family knowledge so that the family can help keep him honest. Family secrecy fuels drug behavior, it doesn't help end it. If I were you, I would demand that your kid 'fess up to custodial mom. I would try to arrange it so all kid has to do is confess, not enter discussion about what/why/punishment, etc. Then you and custodial mom should have a chance to talk privately for 1 or more days until you can come up with united response and agreed consequences. Your kid will sweat while he waits to hear response from you two.

Why do you think custodial mom is so lenient? Does she fear losing custody if she is too hard on him? Does she fear you will blame her for son's behavior? Is she just not educated about drug use? Is there anything you know about her approach, any aspect of it, that you can build on? You two need to be a team on this even if you are divorced. Try to approach her in a non-judgmental way and see if you can agree on some kind of united front.

[Anonymous]

MD: Marijuana Scam's Deadly Outcome Leaves Md. Family Anguished
Marijuana Scam's Deadly Outcome Leaves Md. Family Anguished
Ernesto Londoño | WashingtonPost.com | Monday, March 6, 2006

Edward R. Thomas wanted a dirt bike.

Badly.

Badly enough to kill, Montgomery County prosecutors convinced a jury last week. It found him guilty of first-degree murder in the July 17 slaying of a Rockville teenager who seemed ripe for ripping off.

"When I think my son died for someone to get a dirt bike," said Maria Solaun, the victim's mother, "that's horrible."

Bijan M. Nassirdaftari, 17, was one of three young Montgomery males killed last year in drug swindles, according to police.

On Dec. 27, Stephen W. Kelly, 20, of Gaithersburg, was fatally shot in Germantown while allegedly trying to buy drugs from a man who authorities said had been looking for a "white boy" to rob.

In June, before Nassirdaftari's slaying, Ezekiel Babendreier, 18, a recent Damascus High School graduate, was stabbed multiple times after a fighting with three men in Germantown from whom he tried to buy drugs, police said.

Suspects are charged in both cases.

In Nassirdaftari's case, the motive was petty, the consequences crushing.

"We didn't think it was a big deal. We were having fun," said Aubrie St. Clair, 18, Nassirdaftari's girlfriend, who was with him the night he went to Bethesda to meet three teenagers who had offered to sell him marijuana. "We wanted this to be the best summer of our lives, and we didn't think about any consequences."

The last day of Nassirdaftari's life was otherwise ordinary. He returned home after working in the morning at Manhattan Bagel on Rockville Pike. St. Clair was at his home, as she had been almost every other day since the two began dating in January 2005.

He swapped calls and text messages on his cell phone with Michael J. Manaugh, 18, of Silver Spring, a youth he met playing ball at a park, a guy who shared his affinity for pot, the man who introduced Nassirdaftari to his killer, according to court testimony.

Nassirdaftari was going to buy a pound.

He was no stranger to drugs. This became apparent to his parents during his sophomore year at Gonzaga College High School, a Jesuit high school in the District that constituted a significant financial sacrifice for his parents, immigrants from Iran and Cuba.

He had been grounded, sent to rehab programs, screamed at, embraced.

Once, on April 28, 2004, Solaun called the police when she discovered Nassirdaftari lowering a small bag of marijuana with a fishing line from his bedroom window in their spacious, two-story Rockville home.

"We were proactive; we fought hard," Solaun said. "That's what's been so painful."

Nassirdaftari was supposed to go to the University of Maryland in College Park for orientation the morning after he died. He was starting college in the fall as a criminal justice major, in all likelihood. A good, humble, conscientious kid who made a stupid mistake, loved ones would repeat after his death.

On his bed, Nassirdaftari left a small suitcase packed with clothes for the two nights he expected to stay in College Park.

"Mommy, going out for a little ," Solaun remembers him saying as he left that night. "Won't be too long."

"I love you Bij," she says she replied, adding, as she always did, "Be a man of God."

Nassirdaftari, St. Clair and two friends drove to Bethesda where they met with Manaugh, Thomas, 20, and Thomas's girlfriend, Ardele J. Monkkonen, 19.

Thomas desperately wanted money to replace his dirt bike, which had recently been stolen, prosecutors said. He was unemployed and living with Monkkonen in an efficiency in the District.

"I know someone you can rob," Manaugh testified he told Thomas. "It should be pretty easy."

The trio, who prosecutors said had no marijuana on them, asked Nassirdaftari to get in their car to seal the deal.

Minutes later, at Alta Vista Terrace and Alta Vista Road, Thomas, sitting in the back seat next to Nassirdaftari, pulled out a gun. The unexpected happened: Nassirdaftari fought back. A bruising fight in the back seat of the car followed. Later, Thomas told his girlfriend that he needed to brush his teeth because he had Nassirdaftari's skin in his mouth from ing him, prosecutors said.

Nassirdaftari fled without giving up the $3,100 in his pocket. Thomas ran after him, pointed a gun and fired a single shot into his head, prosecutors said. Nassirdaftari fell on the pavement. Thomas raced toward the body, slipped his hand into the pocket of Nassirdaftari's plaid shorts and ran away with the money.

Solaun and her husband walked into the Montgomery County Circuit courtroom at the beginning of the four-day trial skeptical of the jury system. At times, they stepped out, overwhelmed by the graphic nature of some of the evidence.

"I felt like I was reliving that night," said Saied Nassirdaftari, 47. "It was very vivid. From the 911 call to the testimony. I couldn't stand the [medical examiner's] report."

They left court after the verdict Thursday in tears, feeling vindicated and grateful to prosecutors who, Solaun said, treated her son as a human being, "not just another body at the morgue." Thomas could face life in prison.

But the family's healing is just beginning.

"This Christmas, we couldn't eat at home," said Solaun, who has two teenage daughters. "We were the only Christian family at the Chinese restaurant."

Manaugh and Monkkonen spent the last few days of their free life panicking, prosecutors said. They made up a story incriminating a so-called Jeffrey. It fell through in a police interrogation room, and they both were charged with murder. Each pleaded guilty to lesser charges and will spend at least a few years in prison.

Thomas's attorneys tried unsuccessfully to convince the jury that Manaugh had masterminded the robbery and therefore was responsible for the slaying.

Just hours after the shooting, according to a receipt police later found, Thomas bought a new dirt bike.
© 2006 The Washington Post Company

[Anonymous]

His friends are going to get scared and turn on your DSS the moment they get caught, all in exchange for a reduced sentence.

Of course the tough part is -- your DSS is convinced his friends will stand by him and not snitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Search your house and if you find something, call the cops and let them handle it. I assume you've already tried to get him off drugs and re-directed to other non-drug activities and friends?

My nomination for worst advice ever. Ruin his life, ruin his relationship with you, all over a bit of weed.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

OP - what would you do if this was your biological kid?

[Anonymous]

"However please, from personal experience, don't send your kid to rehab for weed. They are going to--much as is the case in jail--learn a LOT more about drugs, hiding drugs, doing other drugs, buying drugs, etc. than they likely do now. "

Ditto. Just like prison.

[Anonymous]

make him smoke the entire pound or whatever in 1 sitting and then beat him with the bong.