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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pretty sure his mom (custodial parent) doesn't know the full extent of this yet. Balancing act to keep his trust so he keeps talking so that we know what he's doing & can talk to him about why it might not be the best idea.  [/quote]

Hi OP, I say this as a divorced mom of young kids.  Your situation is what I fear some day -- that my Ex will be too lenient on our kids if/when they start to drink/drug/seriously misbehave.  That said, I really think you have to bring mom into the picture, especially as she is custodial parent.  Part of the natural consequences of what your child did is to own up to it fully to custodial mom and other relevant family members.  While I understand what you are saying about it being a balancing act about not "ratting him out" to custodial mom, it is not healthy to keep any secrets about the drug use/dealing from custodial mom (even if you think she will be too lenient).  Your child has to earn YOUR trust back too, and part of this is owning up to what he did to everyone and making his plan to stop part of the public family knowledge so that the family can help keep him honest.  Family secrecy fuels drug behavior, it doesn't help end it.  If I were you, I would demand that your kid 'fess up to custodial mom.  I would try to arrange it so all kid has to do is confess, not enter discussion about what/why/punishment, etc.  Then you and custodial mom should have a chance to talk privately for 1 or more days until you can come up with united response and agreed consequences.  Your kid will sweat while he waits to hear response from you two.

Why do you think custodial mom is so lenient?  Does she fear losing custody if she is too hard on him?  Does she fear you will blame her for son's behavior?  Is she just not educated about drug use?  Is there anything you know about her approach, any aspect of it, that you can build on?  You two need to be a team on this even if you are divorced.  Try to approach her in a non-judgmental way and see if you can agree on some kind of united front.  [/quote]

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