He has a passport, but is it OK for him to leave the country without letting his dad know?

[Anonymous]

http://blog.budgettravel.com/budgettravel/2011/10/travel_after_baby_lisa_how_par.html

[Anonymous]

I did this with my DD also, my family do live another country and she has been there since age 1, she came back to visit for the entire summer and is there now. Since she would be attending pre school in January I am bringing her back. If he has a passport and he has your last name the father does not need to know a thing, if its something you are doing to make a better way for you and your child and you have the help overseas GO FOR IT. Makes no sense sitting worried about someone who apparently is not worried about his childs daily well being. Good Luck

[Anonymous]

Well, the thing is, this isn't about your child being able to travel internationally. This is about you sending him/her away because you can't afford to care for him, or at least that could be the perception. So the question is, if you ex hears about it, can he use it against you to get full custody. I don't know enough about the law to answer that. Sounds like he doesn't care about the child now, but you never know. I would suggest, assuming you don't have the funds to pay for a consult with an attorney, that you find someone through the Women's Center to advise you.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks again for all your replies.

My son has a passport, which his dad signed for (I made sure I had a passport before we split as I saw the end of our relationship coming and knew it could create conflict in trying to obtain one once we split). My son and I both have different last names, I never changed mine, and he has his dad's middle name as his last name, so technically, all 3 of us have different last names. However, we (son and I) travelled to South African in September and I had no problem leaving and entering the country with him. With that said, KLM (the airline we will use) wants me to pay for a round trip ticket - which I will do. My son will only be out of the country for 6 months so I can regain my focus, strength and knock out some nagging bills. Just some background - I was out of work for the first six months of the year due to hospital bed rest and my son's early birth. Unplanned events occured, not forgetting my split and my XH's relactance to assist once I told he we were over, that caused things to end up where they currently are financially.

Long story short, my son going to live with my mother will accomplish one main goal; allowing me to get myself together for when he comes back. he is not moving to live with my mother forever, I am not giving him to her etc.

[Anonymous]

OP. I understand what you are trying to do, but you are on very shaky ground there. Even though most airlines and border officials don't ask for it, both parents' permissions are legally required for a child to leave the country. Unless you can demonstrate unequivocally that your ex has no interest at all in being a part of his child's life or is a danger to his child, it is also not unreasonable for him to expect that, should you become temporarily unable to care for your son, it would be him, the child's father, and not his grandmother overseas, who would be the default caregiver. I think your best option is to get the ex to sign off on this trip.

[Anonymous]

Be very careful. You should get the consent form signed or you need to go back to court to have the custody arrangements changed so that you have full and sole custody. Then you would be able to do this without your child's father's consent. Otherwise, this falls under international child abduction. Note that children cannot even go on an cruise that touches an international port without the consent form. The child abduction laws are fairly rigid since once a child is out of the country, a parent cannot just work with local authorities to rectify an involuntary situation (think Elian Gonzales).

Even though your situation is very difficult and I understand your motives, I would not do this unless you either get the consent or the custody.

[Anonymous]

I would strongly advise gettting the father to sign (and get notarized) a form that states "That I hereby give my consent that my son, ____(name)_____, is authorized to travel internationally with his mother (______________your name___________) henceforth."

I suspect that you are thinking of not telling him becasue you are afraid of him withholding his consent? I would not ask him, but "tell" him that he needs to sign the document and that it will get him out of paying child support for six months if he does. His other choice is not to sign it and for you to take him to court to pay for childcare.

Do not try to "sneak" your son out because this could backfire-legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the single mom who posted a while back regarding help with making it on an under $75 k income. Many of your suggestions were great and have worked well for my son and I. Now, the biggest relief will come from me sending my son away early next year (for 6 months) to live with my mother while I save on childcare, get a roommate to stay for a few months to make extra income, and get my divorce completed.
My mother lives in another continent and would offer great love and care for my son. I am anticipating he will be back before the end of 2012, before he turns two. My soon to be XH and I have been getting nowhere with working out an arrangement regarding support and visitation. He has no interest in seeing him, or help in providing for him. Since my son's birth, he has only seen him a handful of times, and given very little in terms of financial support. He never shows up when he says he will, and laughs back at me on the phone every time I ask him to provide for my son. As a result, I have shut him out of our lives...no email, calls or text messages. Many friends think I should not tell him I will be sending my son away, while others think he has the right to know where his son is, despite the fact he could careless. My gut tells me not to say anything as this would create unnnecessary drama preventing me to send my son away (and as hard as it will be, I absolutley think sending my son away is the best decision for us at this time and will offer me the fastest solution to getting myself where I feel comfortable financially).

I was hoping to get some suggestions on thoughts of what you would do if you were in my shoes regarding whether to tell him or not.

Thanks in advance!

Thats your mothers intuition talking to you i would listen to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My gut tells me not to say anything

Thats your mothers intuition talking to you i would listen to it.

And I would advise against it. All it takes is your XH wanting to cause trouble and you could be detained, prosecuted and possibly incarcerated for international child abduction. If your child is out of the country and your XH wants to visit the child, he can open a case and you would be guilty of international child abduction. All it takes is your XH filing a case. If you want to gamble that he won't, it's your life, but I would never risk it.

The law is:http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode18/usc_sec_18_00001204----000-.html

[Anonymous]

Look, I would get the consent form signed by your ex and also get one signed authorizing your mom to take him for medical care.

DH and I have done this every time we've traveled internationally with his son and we always anticipate his mom won't sign and she always will.

You don't even need to get into what dates you are traveling with him - just at least get consent for a visit - if it makes you feel better leave out that its 6 months .

And file for child support!

[Anonymous]

OP,

Do you have a separation agreement, anything in writing about anything? (You were married to this man and he wants nothing to do with his child?) I don't know. Stranger things can happen. For instance, he meets a new woman who is a big believer in involved fathers and he decides he wants visitation and your son is in another country. Yikes! What you are saving in childcare goes to the lawyer. I just don't know what to advise. Is he in a hurry to finalize the divorce? Can you just let that go, and finalize the divorce when you get back? Just curious: Why are you keen on staying in DC when you have family in your home country?

[Anonymous]

If you don't have any type of written agreement in place you are looking for trouble down the road.

If something awful happened to you your ex could swoop in and take your son.

Hes the Father and theres no paperwork to say he can't.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Miracles happen I suppose, as I mentioned my plans for my son to leave the country and soon to be XH signed the consent...I even got it notorized.

Thanks again for all your advise. In the grand scheme of things, I am sooooo glad I don't have anything hanging over my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Miracles happen I suppose, as I mentioned my plans for my son to leave the country and soon to be XH signed the consent...I even got it notorized.

Thanks again for all your advise. In the grand scheme of things, I am sooooo glad I don't have anything hanging over my head.

Congratulations. Perhaps it's a relief to him too, knowing that while you are having troubles, he does not risk getting into trouble by not providing child support and not being available to care for your child. I'm glad things worked out for you and I'm glad that you have his consent. I'm one who has cautioned that no good would come out of trying to do this without his consent.

[Anonymous]

That is WONDERFUL OP. I'm so glad you are not taking any risks that way! Best to you! Hang in there!