Yes. You're acting like a child. |
What's wrong is that you are a GUEST in your Grandmother's home and you are trying to dictate the terms of when you will visit. You are guest. You go when you are invited. If it's not convenient, skip it, but you are not entitled to an invitation and you are not entitled to a specific date You are also not entitled to any specific plans for a holiday. If you can't see your grandmother, make other plans. If you don't have anywhere to go, invite some people over. |
| OP, call granma up and tell her, why yes, you would love to celebrate Thanksgiving with her a weekend early. Ask her though if she would mind serving ham or pot roast instead of tukey! |
You're being childish and ungrateful. Your grandmother hosted Thanksgiving for so many years and decided to do something else, but was still gracious enough to invite the family to celebrate with her the weekend before, and you pout and complain. Why don't you invite her over for Thanksgiving some time? I have hosted Thanksgiving for family and close friends and it can be expensive and time-consuming, but I find it worthwhile when friends and family are actually grateful. If you were my guest with this attitude, I'd be more upset with you than your grandmother is. Be gracious, accept pleasantly, attend her celebration 4 days early and then have a Thanksgiving dinner at home on Thanksgiving day and invite all of the family that you want to share the holiday with. Do all the work and then you can complain if the holiday doesn't turn out the way you want. |
Maybe dear old Grandma is sick of slaving away for you ingrates. Maybe you should get off your keister and whip her up a tasty meal. And NEWS FLASH maybe Grandma has finally reached an age where she likes to do more than just sit around with her selfish grand kids who don't appreciate her hard work. She will cook for you, but she wants to do it when it is convenient for her. She probably goes to Crazy Days Bingo and enjoys dinner with the Cunninghams. |
OP, do you know how to cook? If so, go to Grandma's and then on the "real" Thanksgiving you can cook, (or microwave, or drink) your own feast. May I suggest "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" as a film that may help you with your dilemma.
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| We almost never celebrate holidays on the actual holidays due to people being away. We often celebrate a couple days before or after...anniversaries, Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving. It is rare we hit right on the day. It isn't really about the actual day - it is about getting together for the holiday. I can't believe that this is such an issue for you. No one is stopping you form also celebrating on the actual holiday seeing as for some reason you are hung up on that. |
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are you jealous that she is going away with her "significant other " ( your words ) for thanksgiving . is that the real issue ? Its sounds to me that you feel hurt/mad about that - that you feel she is not putting her family first. Maybe you miss the past when things were different - and now you trying to punish her by not sharing a family meal together on an earlier day?
What ever the issues are , try and talk to her about the real ones you are feeling....not just about the turkey. |
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OP Here
Grandma is my mom. She is in good health in her mid 60s is too rich lol and gives nothing to her grandkids. She has never babysat once for our kids in 7 years despite babysitting for my brothers kids (the age of our oldest chiild). she lives 30 minutes away. Every year grandma insists everyone have dinner on the 1st night of the major Jewish holidays. My wife and kids are not even Jewish. This was never convenient for me and she knows it. I have not been to a temple in over 2 decades and it has been over a decade for her if not longer. So 2 times a year I need to rush home from work, get my kids and go to grandmas house and then wait an hour for my bro to show up as he is always late. (please note I already have an hour commute to work). Yet it is so important grandma likes to say that we are together for the Jewish holidays. Hello my kids are Catholic and I am already tired. What time is dinner grandma. So I come home from work and go to her house (wait an hour or so or till whenever brother shows up). Every year grandma asks and I say it would be better to come over the weekend as we have 3 young kids and are already tired at night during the week. Did grandma ever give a damn about this. Nope we had to celebrate the holiday on the 1st night of the holiday but this does not seem to apply to Thanksgiving. My opinion - Grandma is doing this Thanksgiving thing to feel good. She likes to make herself feel good. She is an excellent cook and likes to cook. She has fun. SHe does not work. I have invited Grandma to Thanksgiving in the last few years and she was never available. Grandma has over $2 million dollars from a divorce proceeding years ago (likely much more) and she does not give her grandchildren a dime. A few years ago Grandma, my mom, said for now on she is not giving gifts on the holidays except to kids. Grandma who lives a full 30 minutes away visits the kids maybe 7 times a year for about an hour at a time. Lol I have to keep my babysitter there because grandma might not be able to change a diaper. Oh by the way my dad, grandpa, can watch the kids for over 10 hours at a time by himself. |
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OP, Just wow. For perspective let me tell you that in our families several years ago we stopped giving gifts to adults on holidays -- not about the money but cut out a lot of hassle. Just because your mother does not work does not mean she enjoys cooking under pressure or babysitting your children. She does not owe any of your children a dime either.
Unlike other PPs I recommend that you skip Thanksgiving and most holidays with your mother. The resentment you evince about going is worse than not going and very bad for your kids. |
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The thanksgiving request is reasonable but you can't see that through the cloud of resentment you have about other issues. |
| Fake post. Has to be. No adult writes like that, or uses so many "lols". |
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I'm sensing major mommy issues, which is probably the real reason for your whining posts. You are an adult correct? Then grow the f*ck up and start acting like one. She's your freaking you mother! You are whining that she doesn't baby sit your children, you do realize that's not her job correct? She raised her children, if she wants to spend time with them when everyone is around who cares?
If you're going to throw this much of a hissy fit about driving somewhere that's only 1 hour away don't go. I'm sure the rest of your family will be glad your whining a$$ isn't there. |
| How, exactly, are you put out by this? |
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Look, it's simple.
If your family pisses you off, you have your own family and friends to celebrate holidays with. For years I never did holidays with family, only with friends, and it was AWESOME. You can't change family, but you can decide for yourself what holidays you'll tolerate, and what holidays are more hassle than they're worth. A polite decline never hurt anyone. You also owe it to your kids to maintain contact with your family. So if holidays are too stressful, host a Super Bowl party or invite them to the kids B-day parties or something where things are on your own terms. If they don't come, you tried. Remember, you and your mother are probably more similar than you realize. |