What's better, fitting into your neighborhood socially, or loving the location?

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH and I were in your shoes until a few months ago. we were renting a SFH in Cleveland Park and loved the location. The smallest house on our block went up for sale, and we were really considering it. Loved the location, could walk to the Zoo, right off the red line -- but felt we didn't "fit in" with our neighbors (and FWIW, our HHI is $250k).
We ended up buying in Takoma Park, for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because it felt like "home" from the first time we stepped foot in the neighborhood. Our neighbors have been nothing but over-the-top in welcoming us to our new home. We had an old couple across the street MAIL us a "congratulations on your new house" card, with recommendations to local community centers and churches of all types of denominations. We've met more families at the park than we did in 2 years of renting in our old house. And yes, it it no Cleveland Park or Dupont, but our house is in walking distance to a few restaurants and the farmers market. Our commute isn't great - TP is tucked away! - but for our family, we made the right decision. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH and I were in your shoes until a few months ago. we were renting a SFH in Cleveland Park and loved the location. The smallest house on our block went up for sale, and we were really considering it. Loved the location, could walk to the Zoo, right off the red line -- but felt we didn't "fit in" with our neighbors (and FWIW, our HHI is $250k).
We ended up buying in Takoma Park, for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because it felt like "home" from the first time we stepped foot in the neighborhood. Our neighbors have been nothing but over-the-top in welcoming us to our new home. We had an old couple across the street MAIL us a "congratulations on your new house" card, with recommendations to local community centers and churches of all types of denominations. We've met more families at the park than we did in 2 years of renting in our old house. And yes, it it no Cleveland Park or Dupont, but our house is in walking distance to a few restaurants and the farmers market. Our commute isn't great - TP is tucked away! - but for our family, we made the right decision. Good luck to you!

Please elaborate. Why didn't you "fit in" in CP? It seems to be just as liberal as Takoma Park.

[Anonymous]

I think there has to be a balance and if you love where you're living, don't move. Use the extra time in your week you save by not commuting far to get together with friends in other neighborhoods in the evenings if you can. We have met the people we like in our neighborhood just running into them at the same kinds of events we like to go to, even if it's as simple as going to the park in the evening after dinner.

The playdate thing is hard, but it's really good for you to start modeling early how to check someone who's behaving badly. Your child is going to need those skills in this area for sure, and the more you demonstrate that it doesn't have to be awkward to say, "we don't act/talk that way in our house," the more confident your own child will be in sticking up for themselves. Yes, it does seem like you have to parent other children but try to keep in mind that you're doing it for your own child. It demonstrates consistency and also that these norms are something that are important to you in everyone. Over time you will find people who agree!

[Anonymous]

Location, location, location!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH and I were in your shoes until a few months ago. we were renting a SFH in Cleveland Park and loved the location. The smallest house on our block went up for sale, and we were really considering it. Loved the location, could walk to the Zoo, right off the red line -- but felt we didn't "fit in" with our neighbors (and FWIW, our HHI is $250k).
We ended up buying in Takoma Park, for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because it felt like "home" from the first time we stepped foot in the neighborhood. Our neighbors have been nothing but over-the-top in welcoming us to our new home. We had an old couple across the street MAIL us a "congratulations on your new house" card, with recommendations to local community centers and churches of all types of denominations. We've met more families at the park than we did in 2 years of renting in our old house. And yes, it it no Cleveland Park or Dupont, but our house is in walking distance to a few restaurants and the farmers market. Our commute isn't great - TP is tucked away! - but for our family, we made the right decision. Good luck to you!

Please elaborate. Why didn't you "fit in" in CP? It seems to be just as liberal as Takoma Park.

We were the youngest people on our block (I'm 30, DH is 33). We lived in our rental house for 2 years and only got to know one family well. We lived on a quiet street and I would try to talk to our neighbors when people were out gardening, etc, and they could never remember my name. There was a block party we went to over the summer, and again, we just felt like it was tough to talk to people. Maybe it is because we were renting and we weren't considered a "permanent" part of the street, but it felt like we were outsiders. I know that might sound weird, but it was just really strange how little anyone engaged with us, and we really did try! We also felt like we would constantly be 'keeping up with the Jones' if we stayed. Most families were sending their kids to privates, which we didn't want to do. You are right, it was a very liberal neighborhood.

When we were house hunting, the first day we went to TP, it just seemed like everyone was much friendlier. The family next to us at the pizza place where we went for lunch that day randomly started a conversation with us, which never happened at 2Amy's. Again - just our experience, and maybe we rented on the wrong block in CP, but we felt more at "home" in TP from the first day. And we have already met more people in our first 2 months than we did in 2 years in CP.

[Anonymous]

Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love our neighborhood's quiet streets and convenient physical location (we're renting). But I know there are further-out, less convenient locations where I'd fit in better socially (more alternative, more international, more diverse). I think if my husband and I didn't have kids we would definitely look to buy where we are now, since our social life doesn't have to revolve around our neighborhood. However, I think about my kids and the friends they will make through school.

Is it better to be in a great location and be clinging to the bottom of the social ladder (here we'd be lucky to find something we could afford, and then it'd be a stretch for us), or to be in a neighborhood we can afford without such a stretch and where we might find more like-minded families. I do want my children to "fit in" and not feel like outcasts. I also am not very patient with them having playdates when I find the other kids spoiled and rude, and I'm finding that here. I know I'll get in trouble for saying that... I guess I'm just not good with kids. But I am sure there must be lower-key families like ours in this neighborhood too, and it could just take time to fit in.

If we stay in the great-location neighborhood, the investment in our home will be more secure.

What does "more alternative" mean?

Are you saying your street is WASPY and J Crew? Dig a little deeper. I live in one of these neighborhoods and am a pretty radical thinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH and I were in your shoes until a few months ago. we were renting a SFH in Cleveland Park and loved the location. The smallest house on our block went up for sale, and we were really considering it. Loved the location, could walk to the Zoo, right off the red line -- but felt we didn't "fit in" with our neighbors (and FWIW, our HHI is $250k).
We ended up buying in Takoma Park, for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because it felt like "home" from the first time we stepped foot in the neighborhood. Our neighbors have been nothing but over-the-top in welcoming us to our new home. We had an old couple across the street MAIL us a "congratulations on your new house" card, with recommendations to local community centers and churches of all types of denominations. We've met more families at the park than we did in 2 years of renting in our old house. And yes, it it no Cleveland Park or Dupont, but our house is in walking distance to a few restaurants and the farmers market. Our commute isn't great - TP is tucked away! - but for our family, we made the right decision. Good luck to you!

I'm in the camp of this pp. We moved from Bethesda, where we were renting, to Silver Spring. Bethesda had more going for it location wise, but Silver Spring feels like home. I do not want to live, or raise my children in an area where everyone has a high-powered career and is competing to get their kids into the "best" everything. To me, many of the desireable close-in neighborhoods espouse that lifestyle (because that is what it takes to afford living there). It's really not what I want my kids to grow up in - and I know that as the parents, we have the primary influence, but as the kids get older and become more independent, we have less control and I think it's likely they would emulate that keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, go-get-em lifestyle I see in the more affluent neighborhoods. I mean, I get why people want to live in those areas, but it just wasn't for us. So we happily gave up the superior location for somewhere that fit us better. Plus, because Silver Spring is so much more affordable, it's nice not having our housing costs be a stretch for us, which they would have been in Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love our neighborhood's quiet streets and convenient physical location (we're renting). But I know there are further-out, less convenient locations where I'd fit in better socially (more alternative, more international, more diverse). I think if my husband and I didn't have kids we would definitely look to buy where we are now, since our social life doesn't have to revolve around our neighborhood. However, I think about my kids and the friends they will make through school.

Is it better to be in a great location and be clinging to the bottom of the social ladder (here we'd be lucky to find something we could afford, and then it'd be a stretch for us), or to be in a neighborhood we can afford without such a stretch and where we might find more like-minded families. I do want my children to "fit in" and not feel like outcasts. I also am not very patient with them having playdates when I find the other kids spoiled and rude, and I'm finding that here. I know I'll get in trouble for saying that... I guess I'm just not good with kids. But I am sure there must be lower-key families like ours in this neighborhood too, and it could just take time to fit in.

If we stay in the great-location neighborhood, the investment in our home will be more secure.

What does "more alternative" mean?

Are you saying your street is WASPY and J Crew? Dig a little deeper. I live in one of these neighborhoods and am a pretty radical thinker.

You might be radical but you have to admit that there are entire neighborhoods in this city that are predominantly "waspy and Jcrew". It's easier said than done to meet the 1/10 or 1/15 families who are down-to-earth or "radical". If you know how to find them in the midst of a predominantly very different culture, please let me know! It often comes down to luck--who you happen to buy a house next to, who your kids befriend at school, who ends up in your kid's section of soccer. When 90% (or whatever) of the culture is one way it's just chance that you are given a chance to connect with the fraction who aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love our neighborhood's quiet streets and convenient physical location (we're renting). But I know there are further-out, less convenient locations where I'd fit in better socially (more alternative, more international, more diverse). I think if my husband and I didn't have kids we would definitely look to buy where we are now, since our social life doesn't have to revolve around our neighborhood. However, I think about my kids and the friends they will make through school.

Is it better to be in a great location and be clinging to the bottom of the social ladder (here we'd be lucky to find something we could afford, and then it'd be a stretch for us), or to be in a neighborhood we can afford without such a stretch and where we might find more like-minded families. I do want my children to "fit in" and not feel like outcasts. I also am not very patient with them having playdates when I find the other kids spoiled and rude, and I'm finding that here. I know I'll get in trouble for saying that... I guess I'm just not good with kids. But I am sure there must be lower-key families like ours in this neighborhood too, and it could just take time to fit in.

If we stay in the great-location neighborhood, the investment in our home will be more secure.

What does "more alternative" mean?

Are you saying your street is WASPY and J Crew? Dig a little deeper. I live in one of these neighborhoods and am a pretty radical thinker.

You might be radical but you have to admit that there are entire neighborhoods in this city that are predominantly "waspy and Jcrew". It's easier said than done to meet the 1/10 or 1/15 families who are down-to-earth or "radical". If you know how to find them in the midst of a predominantly very different culture, please let me know! It often comes down to luck--who you happen to buy a house next to, who your kids befriend at school, who ends up in your kid's section of soccer. When 90% (or whatever) of the culture is one way it's just chance that you are given a chance to connect with the fraction who aren't.

Yeah, your views on this will change in a hurry when dc are in school. I was all for diversity until Jalonte from the Hood started explaining to dd in first grade how people get arrested and smoke crack pipes.

[Anonymous]

do you want your car being broken into, child being mugged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love our neighborhood's quiet streets and convenient physical location (we're renting). But I know there are further-out, less convenient locations where I'd fit in better socially (more alternative, more international, more diverse). I think if my husband and I didn't have kids we would definitely look to buy where we are now, since our social life doesn't have to revolve around our neighborhood. However, I think about my kids and the friends they will make through school.

Is it better to be in a great location and be clinging to the bottom of the social ladder (here we'd be lucky to find something we could afford, and then it'd be a stretch for us), or to be in a neighborhood we can afford without such a stretch and where we might find more like-minded families. I do want my children to "fit in" and not feel like outcasts. I also am not very patient with them having playdates when I find the other kids spoiled and rude, and I'm finding that here. I know I'll get in trouble for saying that... I guess I'm just not good with kids. But I am sure there must be lower-key families like ours in this neighborhood too, and it could just take time to fit in.

If we stay in the great-location neighborhood, the investment in our home will be more secure.

What does "more alternative" mean?

Are you saying your street is WASPY and J Crew? Dig a little deeper. I live in one of these neighborhoods and am a pretty radical thinker.

so the only options in this area wasp or 'hood?

You might be radical but you have to admit that there are entire neighborhoods in this city that are predominantly "waspy and Jcrew". It's easier said than done to meet the 1/10 or 1/15 families who are down-to-earth or "radical". If you know how to find them in the midst of a predominantly very different culture, please let me know! It often comes down to luck--who you happen to buy a house next to, who your kids befriend at school, who ends up in your kid's section of soccer. When 90% (or whatever) of the culture is one way it's just chance that you are given a chance to connect with the fraction who aren't.

Yeah, your views on this will change in a hurry when dc are in school. I was all for diversity until Jalonte from the Hood started explaining to dd in first grade how people get arrested and smoke crack pipes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

Why do you care so much about what your neighbors think about you? In the end the jokes on them when they go bankrupt and you have lived within your means.

[Anonymous]

people make up a bunch of bullshit to justify why they can't afford to move into a certain neighborhood. I don't sugar coat it, I don't live in mclean because I can't afford the size of house I would like to live in. The reality is if the price was the same you would move into the better location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love our neighborhood's quiet streets and convenient physical location (we're renting). But I know there are further-out, less convenient locations where I'd fit in better socially (more alternative, more international, more diverse). I think if my husband and I didn't have kids we would definitely look to buy where we are now, since our social life doesn't have to revolve around our neighborhood. However, I think about my kids and the friends they will make through school.

Is it better to be in a great location and be clinging to the bottom of the social ladder (here we'd be lucky to find something we could afford, and then it'd be a stretch for us), or to be in a neighborhood we can afford without such a stretch and where we might find more like-minded families. I do want my children to "fit in" and not feel like outcasts. I also am not very patient with them having playdates when I find the other kids spoiled and rude, and I'm finding that here. I know I'll get in trouble for saying that... I guess I'm just not good with kids. But I am sure there must be lower-key families like ours in this neighborhood too, and it could just take time to fit in.

If we stay in the great-location neighborhood, the investment in our home will be more secure.

What does "more alternative" mean?

Are you saying your street is WASPY and J Crew? Dig a little deeper. I live in one of these neighborhoods and am a pretty radical thinker.

You might be radical but you have to admit that there are entire neighborhoods in this city that are predominantly "waspy and Jcrew". It's easier said than done to meet the 1/10 or 1/15 families who are down-to-earth or "radical". If you know how to find them in the midst of a predominantly very different culture, please let me know! It often comes down to luck--who you happen to buy a house next to, who your kids befriend at school, who ends up in your kid's section of soccer. When 90% (or whatever) of the culture is one way it's just chance that you are given a chance to connect with the fraction who aren't.

Yeah, your views on this will change in a hurry when dc are in school. I was all for diversity until Jalonte from the Hood started explaining to dd in first grade how people get arrested and smoke crack pipes.

+1