I am freaked out! WWYD if one boy touched your son like this?

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to my cousin in the early 80s. My aunt and uncle remained completely calm with my cousin who was 4 at the time and just explained that we never let anyone but mommy, daddy and the pediatrician touch your privates. They then took it up with the parents who seemed upset but didn't do much so they involved the police and it ended up that the dad watched porn in front of the children so the boy was modeling what he had seen. Sad for both children involved, I'm sure my cousin remembers (maybe not though since my aunt and uncle didn't make a big deal of it to him) and the other child had his innocence taken from him too. OP, I think you handled it very appropriately on your end with your child but now you need to take further action when it comes to the other parents and make sure things have been handled there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am the PP whose husband has prosecuted many child molestation cases.

I disagree with the PPs who want to immediately call the police, CPS, the school, etc., on the parents. You need to think of what is in the child's best interests--the little boy who abused your son. He needs to be heard and protected and healed. If his parents are involved in whatever caused him to act out this way, then he needs to be protected from them. But if his parents are loving and concerned, then he needs them. He does not need to be ripped away from them by a bureaucratic machine that takes on a life of its own.

Think of it this way: what if your friend, the other boy's mother, talked to her husband last night, and he said, "Maybe their son started it! We need to call CPS on them right away!" And then CPS showed up at your door, and you became flustered and defensive, and they came back with the police to take your son away for questioning without you?

I would give the other mother a chance to demonstrate she is taking this seriously before involving authorities. The other little boy is 4, right? If this is handled carefully, he may grow up and forget these events ever happened. The chances of the little boy serially molesting other children are probably smaller than the chances of making a big deal out of this and completely changing the course of his life.

Just make your decisions based on the Golden Rule: do unto others. Wouldn't you want to be given a chance to address your son's issues as his mother? Wouldn't you want to be respected in that way?

Of course, as I said, it is always possible his own parents created this situation--that they are the problem themselves. You do need to follow through, and make sure the culprit is found. But it could permanently devastate that family to involve the authorities so soon. Please give them a chance.

[Anonymous]

OP I certainly would not let my child play with him anymore.

If you feel the other child may have done that because he was abused himself, you must call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this post. I think this is a pedophile trying to get more stories about little boys getting molested. Do not give this nasty person any help with their sick, twisted mind.

How interesting that you immediately assume the worst of intentions by OP, complete with embellishment and scorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"the little boy who abused your son. "

Hey, language matters here. This other 4 yo didn't "abuse" OP's son. He acted inappropriately, but abuse implies a power dynamic that doesn't exist with two 4 yo peers.

[Anonymous]

OP, did your son use the phrase "suck my wee" or is that YOUR description? Because if he refered to the act of putting a penis in a mouth as "sucking" that's an even bigger red flag of sexual abuse. Only adults refer to oral sex as "sucking" a penis. I would think that kind of vocabulary wouldn't exist for young children who, if acting innocently, might refer to it as "kissing"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this post. I think this is a pedophile trying to get more stories about little boys getting molested. Do not give this nasty person any help with their sick, twisted mind.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the PP whose husband has prosecuted many child molestation cases.

I disagree with the PPs who want to immediately call the police, CPS, the school, etc., on the parents. You need to think of what is in the child's best interests--the little boy who abused your son. He needs to be heard and protected and healed. If his parents are involved in whatever caused him to act out this way, then he needs to be protected from them. But if his parents are loving and concerned, then he needs them. He does not need to be ripped away from them by a bureaucratic machine that takes on a life of its own.

Think of it this way: what if your friend, the other boy's mother, talked to her husband last night, and he said, "Maybe their son started it! We need to call CPS on them right away!" And then CPS showed up at your door, and you became flustered and defensive, and they came back with the police to take your son away for questioning without you?

I would give the other mother a chance to demonstrate she is taking this seriously before involving authorities. The other little boy is 4, right? If this is handled carefully, he may grow up and forget these events ever happened. The chances of the little boy serially molesting other children are probably smaller than the chances of making a big deal out of this and completely changing the course of his life.

Just make your decisions based on the Golden Rule: do unto others. Wouldn't you want to be given a chance to address your son's issues as his mother? Wouldn't you want to be respected in that way?

Of course, as I said, it is always possible his own parents created this situation--that they are the problem themselves. You do need to follow through, and make sure the culprit is found. But it could permanently devastate that family to involve the authorities so soon. Please give them a chance.

Your husband prosecuted child abuse cases and you think that kids just grow up and "forget what happened". Honestly your advice is the most disturbing thing on this thread. Get your head out of your ass. Do onto others means THE CHILD AS WELL.

No one is saying call the police to report the other kid as an abuser but there needs to be an investigation into why a 4 year old is acting out child abuse. He is a victim and needs help.

I hope to god your husband is better at his job than you are and this is just a case of a SAHM thinking you get qualifications by osmosis.

[Anonymous]

I hope you come back and let us know what the outcome of speaking with the boys' parents were. Something's not right about this, and he learned that from somewhere. If not his own home, another friend, and his parents need to source that out. Don't let your son play with him anymore. At four, he might just forget this happened if you cut off contact with that little boy. I know it's not the other little boy's fault either, but that's not your problem right now, YOUR son is. Keep him away from that family.

[Anonymous]

If this is someone sick trolling, hopefully he will learn that we take this very seriously, and we will follow up with the other parents, and if that they are not taking appropriate verifiable steps with professionals, with CPS and the police

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the PP whose husband has prosecuted many child molestation cases.

I disagree with the PPs who want to immediately call the police, CPS, the school, etc., on the parents. You need to think of what is in the child's best interests--the little boy who abused your son. He needs to be heard and protected and healed. If his parents are involved in whatever caused him to act out this way, then he needs to be protected from them. But if his parents are loving and concerned, then he needs them. He does not need to be ripped away from them by a bureaucratic machine that takes on a life of its own.

Think of it this way: what if your friend, the other boy's mother, talked to her husband last night, and he said, "Maybe their son started it! We need to call CPS on them right away!" And then CPS showed up at your door, and you became flustered and defensive, and they came back with the police to take your son away for questioning without you?

I would give the other mother a chance to demonstrate she is taking this seriously before involving authorities. The other little boy is 4, right? If this is handled carefully, he may grow up and forget these events ever happened. The chances of the little boy serially molesting other children are probably smaller than the chances of making a big deal out of this and completely changing the course of his life.

Just make your decisions based on the Golden Rule: do unto others. Wouldn't you want to be given a chance to address your son's issues as his mother? Wouldn't you want to be respected in that way?

Of course, as I said, it is always possible his own parents created this situation--that they are the problem themselves. You do need to follow through, and make sure the culprit is found. But it could permanently devastate that family to involve the authorities so soon. Please give them a chance.

Your husband prosecuted child abuse cases and you think that kids just grow up and "forget what happened". Honestly your advice is the most disturbing thing on this thread. Get your head out of your ass. Do onto others means THE CHILD AS WELL.

No one is saying call the police to report the other kid as an abuser but there needs to be an investigation into why a 4 year old is acting out child abuse. He is a victim and needs help.

I hope to god your husband is better at his job than you are and this is just a case of a SAHM thinking you get qualifications by osmosis.

I don't understand the aggression and ire. I do want both boys to be helped. They are both victims. I want whoever is responsible to be brought to justice. The mother MUST follow through. And of course, it depends on the circumstances, how much victims remember as they grow older--how bad the trauma, how old the child, how aggravated the situation, etc.

I see "the system" take over so often, when personal interactions could affect much more positive outcomes, I wanted to encourage OP to think through the potential consequences of however she chooses to address this. The little boy might heal with therapy and loving support from his parents much more quickly and completely than if police and social workers suddenly show up at his house.

Are you concerned the parents are the molesters, and that the wolf is guarding the sheep? That is always possible. OP has to consider that, too. It's a hard situation to find yourself in, and I hope she finds the right approach for EVERYONE involved. Thankfully, my daughter was young enough to have no memory of her incident; unfortunately, the boy is still in therapy today. But I have peace about the way the situation was handled, because the truth came out.

[Anonymous]

This is the most disgusting and disturbing post I have ever read on this site. I do not think this post is real at all.

They had their pants down once and you and the other mom thought nothing of it, so you left the boys alone, again, just to find them pants down again?

You and the mom did not talk right then and there?

The fact that you did not call CPS, is quite disturbing to me. It actually kills me inside. If this is true, you have no idea why a 4 year old is asking to put his thing into another child's mouth or vice versa. He could have seen is from mom and dad, could have seen it on tv (porn), could have been told by older siblings, could have had it done to him. ALL ARE UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Shame on you to allow such a thing to be swept underneath the rug.

This better turn out to be a fake post.

Some people are just so sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the most disgusting and disturbing post I have ever read on this site. I do not think this post is real at all.

They had their pants down once and you and the other mom thought nothing of it, so you left the boys alone, again, just to find them pants down again?

You and the mom did not talk right then and there? The fact that you did not call CPS, is quite disturbing to me. It actually kills me inside. If this is true, you have no idea why a 4 year old is asking to put his thing into another child's mouth or vice versa. He could have seen is from mom and dad, could have seen it on tv (porn), could have been told by older siblings, could have had it done to him. ALL ARE UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Shame on you to allow such a thing to be swept underneath the rug.

This better turn out to be a fake post.

Some people are just so sick.

These parts do not make sense.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks to all those who responded with positive tips and shame on the few who only come on to bash with nothing concrete to offer. So today was quite an eventful day. Yesterday, I was in shock over what my son told me. I told that boys mother right away before leaving her house and she and I have been talking all day on how to handle this without alarming the boys. She actually talked to her doctor and CPS is getting involved, they will meet with her and her son first and then I guess follow up with the child who started all this. Seems like everyone agrees that this act and the word "suck" are just not imaginable for 4 and 5 year olds. We suspect either abuse or exposure to porn. Anyhow, CPS will follow up with the boys and see what is going on. I am also taking my little guy to see his doctor tomorrow to make sure he is doing alright. Obviously, I will not be having anymore play dates with this boy and hopefully in time my son should forget all about it. I also got a ton of books on proper touching and what to do in the future. I also told him telling me what happened was the best thing and he would never get in trouble for telling me anything. We had a great talk today and he seems to understand most of it but it breaks my heart to be talking such things. He is only 4 and so very innocent.

[Anonymous]

If this is real, I'm glad action was taken. But I'm skeptical. It feels like the original post and the first reply had the same author.