I am freaked out! WWYD if one boy touched your son like this?

[Anonymous]

My 4 year DS went for a play date to another class mates house today. The mother and I are friendly and she is super nice. However, we discovered that the boys had taken of their pants and were playing. I asked them to put their pants back on before playing. We went back in about 5 minutes to check on them and they had taken of their pants again. So we had them come up and later when my son was alone for a bit, I went to ask him why he was taking off his pants he said the other boy sucked his wee and asked him to suck his wee. I told him that was not right. Its not clean we do pee pee from there. I just left it at that. Later in the car I asked him again and he said he does what ever his friends ask him. I told him sometimes we cannot do what our friends want. He asked me what if they say please? I told him, if something does not feel right you just don't do it. Otherwise come and ask mama and I can help you decide.

Not sure what else to do about this situation. I feel horrible like I somehow failed him as a parent. He is such an innocent and sweet boy and I am feeling so guilty and upset about this.

[Anonymous]

I can't understand your euphemisms. Are you saying the other boy touched/sucked his penis??

PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. God,I feel sick.

Firstly, stop letting your son see this child alone. Please please please say something to his mother. He is likely acting out sexual abuse. Little children don't know sex acts in detail they get that from adults molesting them. PLEASE. This child is in danger. I know some readers will say "it's natural playing". I'm hysterical. NO. This is how abuse goes unreported.

As for your son, speak to a pediatrician asap. Just for advice. Then buy protecting the gift and TEACH YOUR SON ABOUT BAD AND GOOD TOUCHES. Innocence will not be impacted by age appropriate information on what is right and wrong. Keeping your child in ignorance leaves him vulnerable to abuse.

Do NOT let your son be alone with that boy again. If his mother doesn't seem to be taking it seriously, report to the school. I would report anyway in case he tries to touch your child at school. Or other kids.

Don't stay silent. PLEASE.

[Anonymous]

http://www.goodtouchbadtouch.com/child-safety-at-home/talking-to-a-child-about-abuse

Children as young as four years old can understand the basic concepts of good touches, bad touches and confusing touches. These young children can also understand the definition of sexual abuse and are not afraid of the words that send a chill up the spines of adults. Use the words "sexual abuse" when talking with your child because if a child is victimized, they need to be able to tell you that they were "sexually abused!" Child protective services social workers will tell you that a child without the language to describe their victimization is a child whose case is weakened in the court system. Remember, you are not putting the responsibility on the child. Instead, you are helping the child to understand the problem and identify safe people who will support them!

Many years of experience, teaching thousands of children, have shown that children are not threatened by this information, they embrace it! It is so very evident in the classroom when we teach Good-Touch/Bad-Touch® that children are proud that they are learning how to take care of themselves. Teaching your child about sexual abuse further empowers your child to participate in his/her own body safety!

I don't know how you are even writing because this is not even my child and I am shaking.

[Anonymous]

If this is for real (I'm sorry, I'm still guarding my belief after the parent who made up the story of her child falling from the monkey bars), you NEED to tell the other mom ASAP-in fact, the minute your son told you this, at their house, you should have told the mom. I agree with pps that something like this is more than a red flag at age 4-it is textbook acting out of sexual abuse. There is NO WAY that child would have that desire unless someone has told him about it, or done it to him, or made him do it to them. this is NOT just exploring, innocent touching...this is a signal that something is very, very wrong.

The mom may not want to hear it-I would go so far as to call CPS if she takes no action. This is serious.

I would be crying if this happened to my son.

[Anonymous]

I think you did exactly right with your son. You were calm and rational. He was not afraid and you didn't in turn make him afraid but explained exactly what he should do in such a situation. YOU DID NOT FAIL HIM!! Continue to work with him on personal safety, good/bad touches, etc. but stay calm.

However, now you need to deal with the rest of the situation. Absolutely, positively tell that other parent!!! This is way beyond physical exploration by children. A child absolutely would not know to do this if they had not been exposed to it and this other boy is much to young to have gotten it from a movie. Please call that other mother right away!!!

[Anonymous]

Oh hell. For all you know, the other kid saw his mom and dad having sex. Never underestimate the imagination of children.

[Anonymous]

OP, you did well to stay calm and supportive of your son. Now comes the hard part: following through with the parents of the other boy.

My story: my next door neighbor's six year old son lured my not-yet-three year old daughter into his family's minivan while I was chatting with his mom and watching our kids play in our yards. Once we realized those two were no longer in view, we looked around and my neighbor suddenly ran to her car. He had taken her dress off and was touching her inappropriately.

I brought my kids inside and talked to my daughter. That evening, both couples sat down, and we calmly said that they needed to find out what was going on with their son, and let us know as soon as they learned something. In therapy, he admitted to sexual abuse by another neighbor, (another child), and an entire web of abuse was discovered, involving adults and children. This was not a suppressed memory situation--all parties admitted their guilt when confronted. It was ugly. The children all received the help they needed.

Please, OP, (I hope this is not another fake post I'm wasting time on, but at least then this is all imaginary), this is very serious. My husband worked as a prosecutor, and what you are describing has red flags all over it. Now, perhaps the child was just exposed to pornography, and has never been physically abused, but no 4 year old would act out such things from their own imagination, and whatever the source, it needs to be looked into.

And do not let the boys play out of your sight, even for a moment.

I'm sorry this happened.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I told the mom right away actually and she was extremely concerned. Said one of her son's friends may be the one teaching him this stuff. She said she was going to talk to her son and see what he had to say. We talked to my son about how no one should touch his (penis) and that if
any one tries he needs to come to us or another adult at once. He seems to understand what happened today was not right. I tried to stay calm and rational with him but I am freaking out inside. I will call his pediatrician tomorrow morning.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe this post. I think this is a pedophile trying to get more stories about little boys getting molested. Do not give this nasty person any help with their sick, twisted mind.

[Anonymous]

OP here, what is wrong with the people questioning my post. I am so worried about what else I should be doing. I am only seeking constructive advice and please refrain from bashing. I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now and trying not to cry every time I think about what happened. I have even tried to look at the positive side of this, as in we have now had serious conversation about touching. Who in their right mind would ever make up such a horrible story. I feel sick!!

[Anonymous]

I do believe this post. I am really really disturbed. I would honestly call the police. Not to accuse the other parents of something but what if this child needs help. I came from an abusive home and I know KNOW that something is going on with that child. I don't know if his mom will take it seriously but you have the chance too. I'm sorry if it ruins your friendship and she never speaks to you again. But my gut says you HAVE to investigate what led to a FIVE year old to assault your child. I would take your son to the pediatrician and I would talk to the school of the other child. I would NOT just say okay I've talked to the mom and it's fine on that end too. This whole story makes me sick and makes me realize my DD is NOT allowed at anyone's house alone until she is MUCH olde rand I have explained good touching/bad touching to her.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to my brother when he was about that age and it turned out the other child had been sexually abused by a baBysitter. Needs to be followed up.

[Anonymous]

OP, please buy protecting the gift. What is the point of telling him to go to another adult. What if the adult is abuser next time? You need a proper toolkit to protect your child.

I also agree that if you ask the mom and she doesn't seem to be taking it seriously, report it to CPS or the police. Any excuse or an older boy told him about it type line - go straight to the police.

[Anonymous]

Because the last post we had like this was a troll. Probably a pedophile looking for info/leads

[Anonymous]

Bring it up w/ their parents and if they shrug it off CPS the FUCK out of those parents