Single women, would you hang out alone in a bar?
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Anonymous
| I'm a late 40's single dad and meet women in book clubs (almost all women) and through my kid's school activities. I like to read so I don't look like an ass just trying to meet women when I go there. And the women I know from the school activities are single moms or the "I have a friend you must meet" type thing. I have never, and will never in my life go to a bar to meet women. I like natural settings where I can interact on a casual basis. The whole, scripted, go up to a woman in a bar and start a conversation over nothing turns me off. Plus, why risk getting rejected when it is much easier in the other two forums I mentioned? |
Anonymous
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I do this, but not for the purpose of meeting men. I have two nights off from my daughter each week, and I'm single at 39. On my weeknight off, I take a 6:00 yoga class and then grab a bite somewhere nearby, by myself. If I stay and eat (instead of grabbing takeout), I'll generally have a glass of wine or beer and it's unusual when I don't end up talking to people sitting at the bar with me. I've had some great conversations, and have gotten asked for my number about half of the time.
Other times, I'm scheduled to meet my friends somewhere and I get done with my errands and housework early and decide to head over to the bar/restaurant early. I'll grab a bite and a drink while waiting for my friends to arrive, and people often talk to me. I like talking to strangers. You hear interesting stories. Find a restaurant that is mid-priced (not super cheap, not super pricey) and has guy-friendly food and a good beer and/or wine selection. TV's at the bar are helpful. And bring a book (NOT chick-lit) or the crossword - those are good conversations. I met so many guys the night I brought "The Naked Economist" to a bar. (I like reading Economics, and that title caught my eye. Book was decent.) You have to give people an opening. |
Anonymous
I'm married, but let me try to think as a single guy for a minute. The problem (as a guy) is that when you approach a group of girls, you end up having to de facto impress all three of them, or hope that one of them doesn't decide to get butthurt that she isn't getting approached. Guys, you've seen that before -- you're talking to one of a group, but one of her friends either gets all weepy drunk, angry drunk, decides to pull her away, etc. -- or something that means she has to choose between you and her friends. Or maybe it's just me 'cause I'm fat and ugly. |
Anonymous
| Only if i want to get laid. |
Anonymous
Tell us more about what you're wearing. |
Anonymous
| Just go in and sit. You can look at your smartphone, not all the time, but just when you're not directly interacting with someone. Smile, look interesting and interested. |
Anonymous
| I'm a married woman, but sure, I hang out alone in a bar. Fun. |
Anonymous
I'm meeting a girlfriend at the grand slam sports bar at the Grand Hyatt near Metro Center tonight at 6. She and i are early 40s and both single. Any sports minded guys, look for two brunettes 
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Anonymous
OP it's SO FUNNY/ironic that you're posting this today, as it's been on my mind the last couple of days! I'm in my late 40s, with a young child and I'm married so not single. HOWEVER... 10+ years ago when I was single, I went out quite a bit by myself. In the few years that we've lived in DC I hardly ever go out at all (alone or with DH), but in the last couple of weeks I've had down time a few days and have gone to fave restaurants and hung out for an hour here and there, and it's been FASCINATING. So I'm not anything special to look at. I had my own style and was very cute back in the day in my way, but never a mainstream beauty. I had a GREAT time going out alone then, but what is so interesting about going out alone in the last few weeks is this: I've got almost no style now (not enough time or money to keep up LOL!), and I've gained quite a bit more weight. AND YET... the last four times I went out, each time I met guys who sat near me at the bar (or were behind the bar) and had these GREAT fascinating conversations. One guy was almost too good to be true: recently divorced, just moved into the same neighborhood, great interesting job, the whole deal! Now once someone seems kinda like they may be flirting I'm very quick to mention my DH and my kid and by the time I walk away there's no confusion that I'm not available, and no contact info is ever exchanged. But what it's reminding me of, once again (because I did know it when I was in my 30s), is that the BEST way to go out alone is to go to a bar/restaurant you like, it doesn't have to be Fri night 10:00pm (actually it's probably easier at 6:30 or 7:00), and this is the key: BRING SOMETHING THAT INTERESTS YOU. A magazine. A book. Even your smartphone and look at facebook or read articles or something. But also look around, be aware of your surroundings, and most importantly start up convos with the bartender: how long has this place been open? quetions about decor or menu. Anything that interests you. What has been proven to me again and again, even in my late 40s and most pudgy, is that if you look self-sufficient, self-entertained, and can carry on a conversation, you will meet people. They may not all be either desireable to you or even male, but if you find a place you like to go and go regularly, it will often lead to people you actually like talking to and maybe date. When this happened a couple days ago, I swear if I'd been single the bartender (who had to be at least 15-20 yrs younger than me!) would have asked me out, because we had an enthusiastic conversation about a topic we discovered we both find interesting. The time before that, it was a guy who's a single father of a child my child's age, and we just talked for ages about that age and parenting that age, etc. But if you go out alone, the key is to look perfectly fine and comfortable with beingn alone. If you go out alone and look anxious or self-conscious or look desperate to talk to someone, it doesn't really work well. At all. So bring back up, something you can read/look at that you will actually feel good about having spent time reading/looking at even if no one interesting comes along. I don't know if that's helpful, but hopefully it is. To sum up: Find 2 or 3 regular places to go that you love, preferably with food you like so it can be a meal; go whenever you want, but earlier evening hours are less hectic and more conducive to conversation; bring good stuff to read/look at; and be comfortable. There is NOTHING wrong with going out alone. But the good thing about cycling between 2 or 3 places, you also don't feel like everyone knows you're always alone there, although even if you see similar people, again, there's nothing nwrong with that! Good luck OP, I hope that all makes sense! |
Anonymous
^^ OP posted 3 years ago
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Anonymous
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Ooops, same PP as long post above ^^ forgot to answer the main original question, which is YES, when I was single, I went out alone all the time, mainly because I changed cities twice in my 30s and didn't know anyone, so if I didn't go out I would have stayed home alone all the time! And I had a great time. I met people when out with girlfriends, but I always met way more people (especially guys) when I was alone, because it was easier for them to strike up a conversation (or on a rare occasion I started a conversation by asking a question).
But crowded popular bars on a Fri or Sat night alone are NOT fun to me. Too crazy, and unless there is a band I like ot see or I know the bartender, I didn't often meet people in those situations. So I prefer popular bars on off nights or neighborhood restaurant/bars in the earlier hours if I'm alone. |
Anonymous
You handle it the same way you do when you're out with a bff and she hooks up and goes off on the dance floor, leaving you alone. You sit alone for a while looking a little bored but friendly and the next thing you know...a guy is offering to buy you a beer. I'm with you. Going into a bar alone IS awkward! When you're with a friend it's not so obvious that you're there to meet guys. But when you walk in all alone? Ha, it's obvious (or it least it FEELS obvious) why you're there, lol. |
Anonymous
What?? Who resurrected it? I hope it's someone with the same question LOL! |
Anonymous
Just wondering, why search for, find, and resurrect this just to answer it, when most likely OP has long ago figured out whether she's going to do this or not? I do NOT get people who resurrect old threads with no context. Why bring this up again from 3 yrs ago if you don't have the same question? |
Anonymous
Even though this thread is 3 yrs old, I just want to add (in case anyone else is reading all this for the 1st time) that the "school activities/friends of friends" thing works well for men because there are always more single women looking for men than there are single men. But as a woman, it's hard, because most school events are either married guys or if anyone's single, it's the moms. So that's good advice to a point, but often there just aren't any good number of men even present to potentially meet. |