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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am tired tired tired of Match.com, and was reading an earlier thread about bars where single 40-something men allegedly go. But though I'd like to try this (live humans!) I can't quite figure out how to DO this. Single women, what do you do? Do you go alone? with a friend? What's the protocol? You sit at the bar and... What, cast "come hither" eyes at men? Wear a t-shirt that says "come talk to me"?

Whaaah. Lame, I know, but I don't get this whole bar thing. Please explain.[/quote]

OP it's SO FUNNY/ironic that you're posting this today, as it's been on my mind the last couple of days!

I'm in my late 40s, with a young child and I'm married so not single.  HOWEVER... 10+ years ago when I was single, I went out quite a bit by myself.  In the few years that we've lived in DC I hardly ever go out at all (alone or with DH), but in the last couple of weeks I've had down time a few days and have gone to fave restaurants and hung out for an hour here and there, and it's been FASCINATING.

So I'm not anything special to look at.  I had my own style and was very cute back in the day in my way, but never a mainstream beauty.  I had a GREAT time going out alone then, but what is so interesting about going out alone in the last few weeks is this: I've got almost no style now (not enough time or money to keep up LOL!), and I've gained quite a bit more weight.  AND YET... the last four times I went out, each time I met guys who sat near me at the bar (or were behind the bar) and had these GREAT fascinating conversations.  One guy was almost too good to be true: recently divorced, just moved into the same neighborhood, great interesting job, the whole deal!  Now once someone seems kinda like they may be flirting I'm very quick to mention my DH and my kid and by the time I walk away there's no confusion that I'm not available, and no contact info is ever exchanged.

But what it's reminding me of, once again (because I did know it when I was in my 30s), is that the BEST way to go out alone is to go to a bar/restaurant you like, it doesn't have to be Fri night 10:00pm (actually it's probably easier at 6:30 or 7:00), and this is the key: BRING SOMETHING THAT INTERESTS YOU.  A magazine.  A book.  Even your smartphone and look at facebook or read articles or something.  But also look around, be aware of your surroundings, and most importantly start up convos with the bartender: how long has this place been open?  quetions about decor or menu.  Anything that interests you.

What has been proven to me again and again, even in my late 40s and most pudgy, is that if you look self-sufficient, self-entertained, and can carry on a conversation, you will meet people.  They may not all be either desireable to you or even male, but if you find a  place you like to go and go regularly, it will often lead to people you actually like talking to and maybe date.

When this happened a couple days ago, I swear if I'd been single the bartender (who had to be at least 15-20 yrs younger than me!) would have asked me out, because we had an enthusiastic conversation about a topic we discovered we both find interesting.  The time before that, it was a guy who's a single father of a child my child's age, and we just talked for ages about that age and parenting that age, etc.

But if you go out alone, the key is to look perfectly fine and comfortable with beingn alone.  If you go out alone and look anxious or self-conscious or look desperate to talk to someone, it doesn't really work well.  At all.  So bring back up, something you can read/look at that you will actually feel good about having spent time reading/looking at even if no one interesting comes along.

I don't know if that's helpful, but hopefully it is.  To sum up: Find 2 or 3 regular places to go that you love, preferably with food you like so it can be a meal; go whenever you want, but earlier evening hours are less hectic and more conducive to conversation; bring good stuff to read/look at; and be comfortable.  There is NOTHING wrong with going out alone.  But the good thing about cycling between 2 or 3 places, you also don't feel like everyone knows you're always alone there, although even if you see similar people, again, there's nothing nwrong with that!

Good luck OP, I hope that all makes sense![/quote]

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