Trying to decide about a third child

[Anonymous]

we had our third three months ago and I am so thrilled we did..the transition has been the easiest so far and I feel "complete" now and confident that we are done. It is nuts around our house but I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we had our third three months ago and I am so thrilled we did..the transition has been the easiest so far and I feel "complete" now and confident that we are done. It is nuts around our house but I love it.

Just curious - do you work? I think this is another factor on women's enjoyment/satisfaction of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

2) Another reason we wanted a third is that my husband is one of two, but doesn't have a very good relationship with his brother (not terrible, but not great either). I'm one of four and am close to all my siblings. My thinking was that if we have three kids, then it is less likely that each kid will be stuck with no siblings that they get along with -- i.e., if A & B don't get along, then perhaps both A&C and B&C will get along. I know some of this has to do with parenting, but a lot of it is also the children's personalities. Meanwhile, I'm reading Siblings Without Rivalries.

Ok, that's funny about the Siblings Without Rivalries. One thing that this writer made me think of (and others) is that I think our decision to stop at 1-2-3-whatever is largely based on our upbringing (how many kids in your family), but also equally important, how much extended family support you were accustomed (grandmother's babysitting as normal everyday occurance), frequent comradry (cousins to play with), and just exposure to that type of family chaos (parties, big dinners, etc.). I think if you've had less of that growing up (or none) you are much less likely to have more kids (me), or any kids at all (as in case of my brother).

Does anyone else find that?

[Anonymous]

I thought I would, but strangely I don't. I come from a family with 3 kids and we are great friends with each other -- my sister is truly my best friend. We had a great life growing up, too.

But now that I'm mom-age, I can't imagine having 3 kids. Part of it is my age (I'd have to have them 1-2-3 within a few years of each other).

Related to that, I'm SAH, and so the workload would be all. mine. No breaks. To address what PP 14:33 asked, I personally have observed -- and feel -- that when Mom is SAH with no nanny coming every day, and no grandma sharing the load 8 to 5 ... that people in my neck of the woods do not have 3 kids close in age. Or even 2 close in age.

Almost to a person, the women I know who have 3 kids close in age a) work outside the home or b) have a nanny/college sitter come every single day. Which is great! Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought I would, but strangely I don't. I come from a family with 3 kids and we are great friends with each other -- my sister is truly my best friend. We had a great life growing up, too.

But now that I'm mom-age, I can't imagine having 3 kids. Part of it is my age (I'd have to have them 1-2-3 within a few years of each other).

Related to that, I'm SAH, and so the workload would be all. mine. No breaks. To address what PP 14:33 asked, I personally have observed -- and feel -- that when Mom is SAH with no nanny coming every day, and no grandma sharing the load 8 to 5 ... that people in my neck of the woods do not have 3 kids close in age. Or even 2 close in age.

Almost to a person, the women I know who have 3 kids close in age a) work outside the home or b) have a nanny/college sitter come every single day. Which is great! Just an observation.

That's interesting. I can see how that would be true. My friends who have 3 little ones are all teachers (off summers) and also have family help close by (or even living with them in some cases). I think it takes a very, very special person to be SAH with 3 or more small kids, and provide a happy, stable (even educational!) household, not to mention desire to have MORE. I always ask how my Mom did it and she thinks things were simpler and not as high expectations in her day. Plus we would just run outside all day long and were probably in the house for only food and bathroom breaks.....now look at our schedules! Yikes.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with 14:37 that a lot of the desire/decision to have more depends on your upbringing. Many people mention the great relationship they had with their siblings and wanting to provide that for their own kids. Me, on the other hand, had (and still have) a very bad relationship with my brother and question whether I'd want to put my own child/children through a similar situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with 14:37 that a lot of the desire/decision to have more depends on your upbringing. Many people mention the great relationship they had with their siblings and wanting to provide that for their own kids. Me, on the other hand, had (and still have) a very bad relationship with my brother and question whether I'd want to put my own child/children through a similar situation.

Ok, sorry to pull off the original post, but can I ask the nature of your "bad" sibling relationship? And if parents were involved in any mediating? I think this too plays a large role in future family planning for how your parents acted. My late grandmother was a notorious "pitter" and seemed to be able to perpetuate fights among her own children. As a result the kids never got along, even to this day. Sad.

[Anonymous]

in response to 14:33-No, I don't work, nor do I have a nanny or sitter of any sort. We have a Sat night sitter but that's it. My kids do go to Montessori 5X a week from 8:30-11:30. We have no family anywhere near us so we thought we would have our own little herd. So far I am so glad-not to say it is easy, but we are happy. It feels right.

[Anonymous]

Didn't you know that having a third child is the new status symbol, and done only by those trying to flaunt their wealth? See previous thread on this subject.

[Anonymous]

Here is the previous thread.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/11229.page#63700


You must live in Potomac.

[Anonymous]

Why do all threads need to turn nasty. I seriously doubt anyone looks upon kids as a status symbol-usually it's a sign (for the large families) that they are Catholic or Mormon and I also wouldn't call three a huge family.