Tuition--not uber-wealthy but no FA

[Anonymous]

PP- interesting point. Do we stress our kids out by burdening them with the knowledge of what we can't do bc they go to private school? Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just figure education is more important to us than the other stuff we'd spend our money on - vacations, clothes, eating out, a new car, and we want our money to follow our values. So, we spend what we have on the education that is best suited to our kid. That said, if our public were an even decent option, we'd send him, because good public education is a part of our values, too. But the school isn't good.

We do fully fund retirement, and save some for college.

Seems others at my kid's school are in the same boat, which feels nice.




Education is, of course, more important than "stuff" you could buy... but it is not more important than your financial security. There are many fine schools in the DC metro are that do not require normal, middle class (and upper middle class!) families to spend $1mm!!! on k-12.
The fact that other families at your school are jeopardizing their future economic security in the same way shouldn't make you feel better. Perhaps you should wonder how you have been sold a bill of goods leading you to be so reckless with your child's future economic security. The loans your child will have to take out to pay for college (b/c you are tapped out by then) will cripple him financially for years (b/c of the exploding cost of college). I envision you being unable to be secure enough to retire comfortably and your child unable to help you or get on his feet b/c of debt. That is a realistic picture when you are making foolish choices with your money (no matter how worthy a cause you think that education might be).

PP - nope. Won't be tapped out, kid won't have to take huge loans. We've mapped it out, and we'll be good. When I say fully funded retirement, I mean it. If we didn't pay for private school we would buy a nicer house and drive cars that weren't beaters and go on more expensive vacations - those things are, to me, "stuff," and they are less important to me than the education. So we buy the education.

And really, my alternative isn't any better, since education is so important to us. We could move from our underwater house and sink the money into a house in a great school district, but then I am tied to a house. I'd rather be tied to a school.

What I feel good about, seeing others like us, is seeing other people who share our values at the school. People who don't think security is about money in the bank, but about what is in your head and heart. You may disagree, PP, but it doesn't make me wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The fact that other families at your school are jeopardizing their future economic security in the same way shouldn't make you feel better. Perhaps you should wonder how you have been sold a bill of goods leading you to be so reckless with your child's future economic security. The loans your child will have to take out to pay for college (b/c you are tapped out by then) will cripple him financially for years (b/c of the exploding cost of college). I envision you being unable to be secure enough to retire comfortably and your child unable to help you or get on his feet b/c of debt. That is a realistic picture when you are making foolish choices with your money (no matter how worthy a cause you think that education might be).

Gee, you're a real ray of sunshine. Thanks for your deep concern.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I envision the "reckless with your child's future" poster as someone who can't quite comprehend how the little people survive. How can you possible burden your kid with a future so economically insecure that he might have to take out a loan for graduate school? Horrors! Doomed!

[Anonymous]

I don't think that PP is gloom and doom. And PP wasn't talking about GRADUATE school, just college. College costs have seriously outpaced inflation, and while there will likely be a slowdown of college tuition increases, the best you can hope for is that college costs will rise at the rate of inflation.

Retirement, by the way, is not something to think of lightly. People seriously underestimate how much money they'll need to retire.

Do not go private if you risk your own financial well-being. If you can't fully fund your own retirement, do not send your kids to private school. You are better off downsizing and moving to a good public school district.

As for college, yes, college debt is a major reason why many 20-somethings can't get a leg up and live with their parents after graduation. You can choose to send your kid to a good public, and with the money you've saved, allow your kid to attend which ever college she wants. Or you can pay for private and tell DS that she'll have to go in-state or take out $200K in student loans.

[Anonymous]

Ah, but what does "fully fund your retirement" mean? It means something different to different people. To me it means that I will be able to live in the house I have now, with my husband, and pay our bills, including our kid's student loans. It means our lifestyle upon retirement will be about what it is now - no more lush, no less so. That sounds reasonable and good to me, and so that is what we are saving for, and are on track to achieve. I can do that AND send my kid to private school. And we make $120k/year. We do that by living frugally, which seems to to be something worthy of scorn by PP. I have put nothing at risk but my ability to indulge my passion for garden geegaws and new books.

[Anonymous]

The whole "what are your priorities" and "I am sacrificing" thing can sound holier than thou. As if people who choose public over private and are therefore able to engage in other things that children enjoy and remember with fondness over time (educational travel, summer camps/ trips, family dinner outings) are selfish and materialistic. I disagree entirely.

[Anonymous]

Sorry it sounds holier than thou. I'm not, and don't mean it to sound that way. If the public school were an option, we'd use it. But people seem to get all indignant on this board when non-rich people send their kids to private school, as if it were an affront to people who send their kids to public school, or an insult aimed at people who want a nicer house or vacations or what have you. I want those things, too - just less than I want one particular school for my kid. Why does that seem holier than thou? We all make choices, and these are mine. I don't like being told that I am either risking my kid's future or my retirement (I'm not) or that I am holier than thou because I point out that we are not wealthy enough to pay for private school without sacrifice, which was relevant to OP's question. Frankly, when people say things like I am risking my kid's future, or that I am holier than thou, it feels a bit like being told "you don't belong here" since we are not wealthy. If you can't afford it easily, you get bashed for sacrificing to make it work. And yet on other threads I've heard people bemoan the lack of financial diversity in private schools, particularly in the financial band between kids whose families need FA and those whose families can easily pay.

[Anonymous]

13:37 Thanks

[Anonymous]

We prioritize, as pps have stated. Smaller house. Longer commute. No fancy vacations.

[Anonymous]

If we lived in an area that had terrible schools, I would be more understanding of parents who sacrifice for private. But, MontCo and NoVa have some of the best public schools in the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry it sounds holier than thou. I'm not, and don't mean it to sound that way. If the public school were an option, we'd use it. But people seem to get all indignant on this board when non-rich people send their kids to private school, as if it were an affront to people who send their kids to public school, or an insult aimed at people who want a nicer house or vacations or what have you. I want those things, too - just less than I want one particular school for my kid. Why does that seem holier than thou? We all make choices, and these are mine. I don't like being told that I am either risking my kid's future or my retirement (I'm not) or that I am holier than thou because I point out that we are not wealthy enough to pay for private school without sacrifice, which was relevant to OP's question. Frankly, when people say things like I am risking my kid's future, or that I am holier than thou, it feels a bit like being told "you don't belong here" since we are not wealthy. If you can't afford it easily, you get bashed for sacrificing to make it work. And yet on other threads I've heard people bemoan the lack of financial diversity in private schools, particularly in the financial band between kids whose families need FA and those whose families can easily pay.

I am glad that you are in a school that works for your kid and you. Great. Not to touch a nerve, but it would seem that feelings of not belonging bc of financial status would stem from something in the school community not from a comment on DCUM about your wording in a post. In the end though, who cares! You do belong there and if you and your child are happy there, enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP. Actually the school feels great and welcoming and there are actually lots of us parents in the less-wealthy band and this particular school. It really is DCUM that touches the nerve! I guess I read it too much.

For the PP that said there are great schools in NoVa and MoCo - there sure are. But lots of us don't live there, we live in other communities that we love for other reasons than their schools, and so I get a little frustrated when the basic assumption is that if you are posting on this board you live in DC, NoVa or MoCo. Lots of us love PG, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Actually the school feels great and welcoming and there are actually lots of us parents in the less-wealthy band and this particular school. It really is DCUM that touches the nerve! I guess I read it too much.

For the PP that said there are great schools in NoVa and MoCo - there sure are. But lots of us don't live there, we live in other communities that we love for other reasons than their schools, and so I get a little frustrated when the basic assumption is that if you are posting on this board you live in DC, NoVa or MoCo. Lots of us love PG, too!

I am the PP who posted about the great public schools in NoVa and MontCo.

If we were in a position where we could not afford private school, we would move out of our neighborhood and move to a great school district. We would rent an apartment if we had to. A great education is a priority for us, but not if it will cause undue financial burden. For us, $500K for k-12 private school education is a much larger financial commitment than moving out of our neighborhood into the suburbs. A lot of families do this, but I guess for some families staying put in your neighborhood is more important than the school district or paying for private school.

[Anonymous]

"A lot of families do this, but I guess for some families staying put in your neighborhood is more important than the school district or paying for private school."

Yes, this is it. We WANT to stay in our little house in PG county because it is central to our life - work, church, neighbors, friends, my garden. And we can stay and send the kid to private school, if we are frugal. To me that isn't an undue burden, but to someone else it is.

To each their own! Our kids are all going to be just fine.