Terrified about 15 mo DD's development

[Anonymous]

I would suggest you post this in general parenting to get the support you need.

[Anonymous]

From what you've said, your kiddo is doing fine.

As for speech, the red flag is absolutely no words by 16 months old. Your kiddo has two words. Check that worry off your list.

Another big red flag is lack of receptive language. If your kiddo is able to point to body parts (and just the fact that she is pointing is a really good sign!!!), she is doing fine on receptive language.

Not walking by 15 months is a little behind, but not to the point of worry. I think the normal window extends to 18 months old.

Please do not spend another minute panicking. I know all too well how hard this is. But really, everything you wrote here points to nothing being seriously wrong and just that your kiddo needs a little more time.

This is coming from someone who spent months in a total panic. At 15 months, my DD has zero words, zero receptive language, wasn't pointing at all, no waving, etc. I was freaked. I didn't sleep, didn't eat, needed happy drugs to make it through the day. I was TERRIFIED about autism. THe whole time, DD had great eye contact and liked being around people and didn't flap her arms. All the pros thought she did not have autism, but I still was in total panic mode for far too long. She is 2.5 now. Her development isn't caught up yet, but it is much closer to normal than it was. Autism is pretty much totally ruled out now. There is something going on, probably adhd, probably some sort of dyspraxia, but whatever it is looks to be very overcomable and something she will learn to compensate for over time and won't affect her qualify of life. All the pros tell me she will appear caught up to most everyone by kindergarten. Looking back, I don't think I was necessarily wrong to panic, but I certainly wish I hadn't, and if I knew then what I know about her path now, I would not have been nearly as worried.

So, if my story turned out this well, think of how much better off your kiddos is right now than mine was at 15 months. You have words, you have understanding, you have pointing, and you have waving. I would have killed for my DD to be doing those things at 15 months!!!

I hope that is at least a little helpful.

[Anonymous]

I understand the fear as a parent of a child with an ASD. And perhaps some of the parents here have come off as overly harsh with their responses, so I will try to explain. What it sounds like is "please God don't let my child be like yours." I don't think there's anything wrong about posting here with developmental concerns and I think the advice to follow up with a developmental pediatrician is a good one. but I think the reaction is that your post sounds like you want us to tell you your DD is OK. Please try to see why we feel it is not our role to reassure you that you won't end up like us.

Having said that, I think several posters here were overly harsh. We all remember being there, right?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I am at a loss that I have to write this. What is wrong with you people? If I had known that only parents of the most severly disabled kids were allowed to post on this board, I never would have. Without any ounce of sarcasm, I am truly sorry for any offense that I may have caused anyone. But I will not apologize for my feelings and my concerns. I am so sorry (seriously, not sarcastic) for the challenges that most of the parents on this board face and I understand that my situation pales in comparison to many. But, holy shit, I am scared for the wellbeing of my child.

I'm sorry if my post came accross as "tell me my child isn't like yours." That was not my intention. But, frankly, of course I hope my child doesn't have any serious problems. I came here looking for information, support, and, I don't even know what. But not an attack, that's for sure. I'm frustrated, and scared, and sad. Something isn't right with my sweet baby. And the worst part about it is that nobody seems to think her delays are serious enough to do anything. But everyone agrees that there ARE delays. In multiple areas. I'm sorry if I came across as some nuerotic mom that's freaking out that her DD isn't the star of her My Gym class. I majored in child development in college and was raised by a mother who spent 30 years working with developmentally disabled young adults. I am beside myself that I could have offended anyone with my post. I am a good person and a good mother. I was just trying to reach out for help/support/whatever. I am in a very voulnerable state, and some of these posts were like being punched in the gut. I literally burst out in tears at dinner, and have been crying as I type this.

To those with constructive responses: I have never heard of a developmental pediatrician. I appreciate the posters advice regarding this and will start contacting ones first thing on Monday. To the poster that asked about crawling and strength--DD has been slow with EVERYTHING. She was a late crawler. Didn't crawl with her belly off the ground until at least 10 months, probably closer to 11. The PT said that she does have strength/muscle issues. She has very weak core strength and is significantly dominant on her right side (her left foot is the one that turns out) and she has problems with balance. Also, one of her legs is slightly longer than the other. I also feel like I may be overstating her vocabulary. She said "up" around 12 months but doesn't really say it with much consistency. And we'll see if "ba" for bottle sticks, as she just started saying that the other day. But not any other words in 3 months. But, as I said earlier, she does seem to know some words via pointing.

I know that my child isn't the most severe case, but it breaks my heart to watch her struggle to walk. I fight back tears watching her on a playdates when the other children can clearly communicate that they are hungry or want a toy or whatever, and my child just says "UNGH!" over and over and waives her hands and points to I don't know what. I don't know how to explain my concerns without offending anyone, but my DD is not doing what other children her age are doing. Beyond walking and talking, there is a difference in the level of activity, exploration, play, etc. that is very apparent to me. I shouldn't have to justify why, but I am....let's say, something less than "terrified" but, nonetheless, concerned.

[Anonymous]

OP there are posts all the time exactly like yours in General Parenting. I know because my child was exactly like yours so I always look at them. First let me reassure you that while my kid was a late walker, he turned out completely normal. For us the talking came after he achieved the walking, which my ped also says is completely normal. But I have to agree that i was surprised and completely cringed when I saw that you posted this question on the special needs forum. I am not a SN mom and just came across it from Recent topics. Your child is fully within the range if normal by any measure so please move back to GP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you were out of line posting here, and my daughter is quite disabled. You are always going to offend someone on DCUM, in every forum. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am a parent of a child with Special Needs, and I cannot believe that people on this thread have attacked like this. First of all, everyone knows that sometimes, in fact, often, a person's intention does not come across in an email. She used the word terrified, so what? Maybe that is how she feels. I will admit myself, before I learned what was going on with my son (who has HFA), I felt terrified at times. Terrified that if they did not figure out what was going on (and I KNEW there was something), I was missing out on crucial time to get intervention, etc. In my case, it took YEARS to figure things out. I got a lot of great advice from families here. All through the whole process, the one constant was that my mother's instinct told me that something was not right. This is EXACTLY what OP is feeling. Even with some experience with Child Development. She came here knowing that many of us have struggled with developmental delays, as we might point her in the right direction as to what type of practitioner to see. Some did just that with their suggestions, others took it as an opportunity to attack. Nowhere in OP's post did I see/read "boy I hope my child is not like yours". I think sending someone away who very well might need support defeats the whole point of this forum.

OP, I am very sorry about your experience here today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there are posts all the time exactly like yours in General Parenting. I know because my child was exactly like yours so I always look at them. First let me reassure you that while my kid was a late walker, he turned out completely normal. For us the talking came after he achieved the walking, which my ped also says is completely normal. But I have to agree that i was surprised and completely cringed when I saw that you posted this question on the special needs forum. I am not a SN mom and just came across it from Recent topics. Your child is fully within the range if normal by any measure so please move back to GP.

NP here - I agree. I did the same thing and felt the same way.

I have to ask though - you majored in child development, your mother worked with severely disabled kids for years and you'd never heard of a developmental pediatrician?

[Anonymous]

Having a special needs child will turn the sweetest of moms into a hardened bitter bitch, so please excuse the those who are not responding with compassion.

There are many in your shoes right now. I was in your shoes once. My DS2 didn't walk until almost 18 months and was late with EVERYTHING. He is 6 now and still cannot have a conversation with me, but I am thankful that he is at least able to speak his needs.

At this point, you're going to get what you're going to get. There is a way to stop it in its tracks, but I get flamed every time for mentioning it....but here goes: stop vaccinating until you know for sure if your child is developing normal or not. Thought he majority of DCUMers do not believe this, mercury poisoning and aluminum poisoning can mimic autism symptoms and cause developmental delays. Just go to any medical website and look at heavy metal poisoning and it's symptoms. Then go to the CDC and look at the vaccine ingredients in each of 30 vaccines your child had received by now. I'm not telling you that vaccines cause autism. I'm saying that your child can be one of many who are affected by the toxic heavy metals that are used as the preservatives and adjuvants.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I just want to clarify again. I did NOT come here looking for people to tell me that my child isn't like theirs. Quite the opposite. I want to know WHY my child isn't like everyone else's. I want to hear from someone that my child IS like theirs and to get some information and guidence and support. Maybe hear from someone that their child was just like mine and they went to such and such specialist or such and such therapy...or I should ask the ped about xyz and be on the lookout for xyz.

I intended to express in my op that I am sick of being told that DD is within the range of normal and sick of hearing anecdotal stories about kids who were late walkers or talkers and turned out just fine. I can't articulate it, but there is something different about my DD. Do I think it's something very serious? Probably not. But I'd bet my life that there is something else going on here.

I have ADD and so do my sister and father. My DH and I both struggled with learning disabilities in school and DH's brother was never formally diagnosed but clearly has some level of ADD/ADHD. While I am a fully functioning adult (with the help of medication) with ADD, my sister is not. I do not know if there are indicators for learning disabilities or add/adhd as young as 15 months, but it's something I want to look into, and I have no idea what to make of the physical issues with the walking and her foot. Maybe my own experience and family history is why I'm "terrified."

Thank you to the constructive posters, and particularly to 7:35.

[Anonymous]

21:28 here again.

Just wanted to say that I can totally relate to you. I hope that came across in my previous post, but here it is again, just in case.

Once I started reading about dyspraxia, it fit my DD like a T. Her dev ped and ST and OT all agree that this is the most likely diagnosis. I also have read a lot about how it's very common for dyspraxia to occur in tandem with adhd, and I do believe my DD is likely headed down this path, too. I am no longer terrifed. Worried, yes, but the terror has gone away.

As for what we do to help DD, ST 3x per week, OT 2x per week, and she will be going to developmental special ed preschool for 3 hours a day, five days a week next year.

[Anonymous]

I want to hear from someone that my child IS like theirs and to get some information and guidence and support. Maybe hear from someone that their child was just like mine and they went to such and such specialist or such and such therapy...or I should ask the ped about xyz and be on the lookout for xyz.

OP, my older DD (now almost 10) was very similar to your DD at that age. She was "within the normal range" but always slow or the last of any kid I knew to do anything. She didn't walk until 19 months. She didn't really talk until she was 3. But she was very bright (understood everything) and very social.

She has never really been diagnosed with anything, but she is also NOT neurotypical. She is still physically awkward vs. kids her age. She has aspects of ADHD and anxiety, but no diagnosis. She is outside the norm in many ways, but not so far as to be clearly diagnosable. Things are just harder for her than they are for many kids. She'll never have the lead in the Nutcracker or be on a travel soccer team. But she is very bright, does well in school and has friends. She swims and runs and dances (awkwardly). She loves Girl Scout camp and rollercoasters and Wizards of Waverly Place. In many ways she is a typical 10 year old.

So I totally get that feeling when you know that your kid is DIFFERENT, but not clear how.

Over the years we've done EI (for speech), OT and PT (for gross motor), had a neuropsych eval (for ADHD and anxiety like behaviors), therapy for anxiety and a social skills group for the impulsive behaviors and anger issues.

I actually disagree with those who say to go see a developmental ped at this age. I assume you are already in EI? In which case, I would just let that play out. Take things as they come. One of the hardest things for me was being patient. In many ways my DD did catch up with the other kids. For example, her expressive language, once it happened, took off over night. One thing with these quirky kids is they often have development in spurts vs. on a continuum. She would be behind, behind, behind and then BOOM caught up. Very frustrating as a parent! It really can take many, many years to tease out what is a true issue vs. just a very slow developmental curve. We are still figuring this stuff out. One thing that has been really hard for Type A to learn is that parenting is a marathon not a sprint.

You may want to consider reading the book Quirky Kids. It's for parents of kids who are not NT, but not so outside the realm of development that they are obviously ASD, ADHD, etc. I found it comforting.

If it's any comfort, my kid has always been in typical preschools and is now in FCPS. Her needs are able to be met in a regular classroom, although she as a 504 for classroom accommodations.

[Anonymous]

Your 11:21 post is much different than your other posts and provides better context for your concern. I agree with PPs that seeing a developmental pediatrician may be warranted at some point but unless you can articulate more specifically what you're seeing (or not seeing), it may be difficult even for a developmental pediatrician to see if your DD has challenges that should be addressed through early intervention - especially since your DD appears to still be age appropriate. You could also try your local jurisdictions Early Intervention Services but, again, unless you can better articulate what you're seeing, you're unlikely to get a skilled evaluator because, frankly, your descriptions don't lead one to think your DD is outside the norm. Certainly, with her family history, your DD should be watched but in order to qualify for services, she must have a certain percent delay (greater than 25% in VA). If you have the resources, you could always get a private OT evaluation.

I also gently advise you to be mindful of your tone and your choice of words. It's clear you still don't realize how off-putting your words and tone have been. Had you started with your 11:21 post, it's unlikely you would have gotten some of the responses you did. You absolutely came across as one of the neurotic mothers from General Parenting looking for problems where none exist. If you're looking for information, you need to ask questions.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Sounds very similar to two of my kids. "Lights were definitely on" but slow to walk and talk. Physical and Speech/Language Therapy for first child and it worked out well. With second child serendipitously got a diagnosis of a genetic connective tissue disorder at age 3. That explained just about everything but didn't change what we did --- PT and S/L. Family history examination helped a few nieces and nephews as well.[/quote]

We also have a DD who for all the world looked like a happy, healthy and bright little girl. But every developmental milestone was on the very late side of normal: sitting, crawling, standing, walking, talking, eating solid food, potty training, etc. Pediatrician followed her closely but when she "pulled it out" at the last minute everyone just assumed she was on a different curve than the average curve. We did do speech therapy around 3.5 years for about 8 months and it helped a lot. Then came allergies, asthma and eczema. When she went to school she was so tired she'd fall asleep on the way home.

Everything for this little girl was a chore and it drove me crazy. Finally she dislocated her elbow after a simple fall. The pediatric orthopedist we saw for follow-up took one look at her and said she had Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a rare connective tissue disorder). It explained everything! Poor muscle tone and hypermobile joints explained all the physical delays and the asthma and the occasional problem with wetting her pants (weak muscles around the bladder); weak articulator muscles in the mouth explained the speech delay and the difficulty swallowing (the speech therapy strengthened those muscles); and so on.

I was so relieved to just have an answer to what was going on. We stopped waiting for the next shoe to drop and put her into a swimming program (her asthma is now completely manageable); have kept her out of contact sports; have her play the piano to strengthen her fingers so writing isn't such a chore; and started her learning (seriously) the keyboard in 1st grade. We can't change the fact that she has this disorder but we can manage it now and teach her to manage it later.

In hindsight I think we handled everything about as well as we could have but a few family members thought I was over-reacting. But I KNEW something was going on with her. The challenge was to stay on top of her challenges without making her feel like a "sick" child.

[Anonymous]

Given that she has different leg lengths, ask for xrays to rule-out hip dysplasia. Often when it is screened for by the ped, they listen for a click, but if the child has low muscle tone the click may not be there. Really you should ask for a referral for an ortho to check this but your general ped may look at it as well. As for the speech issues, continue to develop her other communication forms (sign language, picture boards, etc) if she starts combining signs over the next several months you can get a very good indication of how her cognition is developing vs. just labeling body parts, etc. which is a different type of skill. Expressive speech will come when it comes, and if it delayed (which it is not yet). I highly doubt she would be eligible for early intervention yet but you can ask for a referral where they will do the developmental screens. Good luck.