Is it inappropriate to have a shower for a 3rd kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be on the showers are only for the first baby train, but sometimes people just want to celebrate and it's not about the gifts.

Now this may upset some people, but I don't care. I don't do showers for unwed mothers. I think your family and friends should buy you what you need privately.

If it's not about the gifts, they don't register for them, nitwit. Now please re-enter your time capsule and scoot back to 1916.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ABSURD. it is a blatant gift grab. (never mind the fact that people don't properly throw showers for themselves.)

All showers are blatant gift grabs. That's sort of the point. That's why they are called showers. I don't really see why it's offensive to ask for gifts for the third and not the first. Yes, I am sure she got rid of all her baby stuff a long time ago. Are we supposed to be angry at her for doing that? I really don't understand the morality of showers that many assert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
a baby shower where you register isn't about celebrating a baby, it's about getting everyone you know to buy as much stuff as possible for you so that you don't have to.
It's tacky, and you're just looking for things.

I actually have some sympathy for this position, but it's absolutely no less true for a first baby than a third baby.

[Anonymous]

Op, here thanks to all who responded. I also read the 2nd shower post. I think I will pull miss manners. I am genuinely just curious. I am happy for her it has been a busy year she met and married her hub, bought sold a house, and they are welcoming a new itty bitty baby.

[Anonymous]

My god OP you must do something about this travesty. Silently boycotting will not work. If you say that you are not available on that day, the woman may think you actually are just not available. She will probably miss the passive aggressive snub. I know, I know what is the world coming too when people don't notice your passive aggressive snub. Here's what you can do..

1. Hack into the registry and fill it with inappropriate items.
2. Offer to bring the cake and bake it with some laxatives inside.
3. Come up with a cute game like fortune cookie baby trivia. Fill fortune cookies wity baby trivia. Have each guest take one, open it, and read it out loud. Make sure that the mother to be gets one that says.."Did you know that throwing a shower for a thrd baby is TACKY".
4. Your gift should be a manners book with the clause on tacky subsequent showers highlight and book marked.
5. Contact the hostess and make sure the admissions directors of the BIG 3 preschools are invited. You need to make these wretched people do not get inot Beauvoir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to be on the showers are only for the first baby train, but sometimes people just want to celebrate and it's not about the gifts.

Now this may upset some people, but I don't care. I don't do showers for unwed mothers. I think your family and friends should buy you what you need privately.

If it's not about the gifts, they don't register for them, nitwit. Now please re-enter your time capsule and scoot back to 1916.

Or better yet, just have an abortion, right? God, you're judgmental. I agree that you should scoot back to 1916. Friends and family should buy what you need "privately"? WTF does that even mean? They can't get together for brunch because mom hasn't entered into a legal contract with dad? They just get to drop gifts off at mom's house? That's dumb.

[Anonymous]

i don't understand why there should be any 'rules' about this. each baby is different and exciting. and maybe a friend of hers really wanted to honor her. and she probably doesn't have any baby stuff!

not all showers are stuff-oriented. i've been to some 'blessingway' type events that were really nice. kind of new agey but really focused on the mom and the experience she was going through, and instead of gifts people brought beads for a necklace for the mom to wear in labor, or nice sentiments to be read to the mom. i don't think a shower has to be a grab for stuff. though it's nice to get stuff and i don't see anything wrong with that either.

if people are opposed they can just decide not to go. simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABSURD. it is a blatant gift grab. (never mind the fact that people don't properly throw showers for themselves.)

All showers are blatant gift grabs. That's sort of the point. That's why they are called showers. I don't really see why it's offensive to ask for gifts for the third and not the first. Yes, I am sure she got rid of all her baby stuff a long time ago. Are we supposed to be angry at her for doing that? I really don't understand the morality of showers that many assert.

It is offensive to "ask for gifts" period, whether for first baby, third, wedding, or whatever. And registries are obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

A baby is something to celebrate
this is their first child together
If you do not like it do not go. Let them be happy and celebrate by themselves if they so wish
Every baby is a new baby

[Anonymous]

No - not if it is to celebrate with friends and family. Yes - if it is to upgrade the diaper genie to the newest model so this child's diapers stink less than the last one's.

[Anonymous]

A blessingway isn't a shower. By shower one typically means SHOWER, not a "tea", not a "welcome the baby party", but a "shower". Showering is inappropriate. Welcoming the new life is always appropriate, nobody is arguing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABSURD. it is a blatant gift grab. (never mind the fact that people don't properly throw showers for themselves.)

All showers are blatant gift grabs. That's sort of the point. That's why they are called showers. I don't really see why it's offensive to ask for gifts for the third and not the first. Yes, I am sure she got rid of all her baby stuff a long time ago. Are we supposed to be angry at her for doing that? I really don't understand the morality of showers that many assert.

It is offensive to "ask for gifts" period, whether for first baby, third, wedding, or whatever. And registries are obnoxious.

I have always been happy to be able to get things for friends that I know they want.

[Anonymous]

Question: why is it okay to have a shower for a woman when it is her first child (I'm ignoring the obnoxious posters who think all showers and all registries and presumably children's birthday parties and lists for Santa as well are all completely inappropriate), regardless of how many children the dad might have with other women, but where it's the dad's first child and the woman has children from a prior marriage, suddenly it's taboo?

And why do we throw a shower for a woman instead of a couple?

Is it because we assume that dads don't care about strollers and carseats and layette's, or because it's somehow more the woman's baby because she's the one with the big belly?

If there are any lesbian couples out there who have had children with one of you carrying the baby, was the baby shower for both of you, or just the one carrying the baby? I'm genuinely curious. Because when I go to Buy Buy Baby, it's often the dad carrying the registry gun around, not the mom.

[Anonymous]

I think baby showers (for first babies especially) are not just socially acceptable, but around here at least, they are EXPECTED. We had not one but two showers thrown for us by other people, and they flat out insisted that we register. "How will people know what to get otherwise?" they said. So we registered for a few things that we really needed, and people bought all those things up. I was then instructed to add more things to the list, otherwise people wouldn't know what to get and would just give money, which was deemed by the hosts to be "tacky".

As for the poster who says she doesn't do showers for unwed mothers, you sound like a judgmental bitch and I hope we don't know each other.

As for the original question, I think a shower for a 3rd kid would be tacky if the kids were close together. In this situation, however, it makes sense. If you don't want to go, then don't go, but if the point of the shower is for friends and family to help a family prepare for a new baby, then that sentiment applies to any family that doesn't have the stuff they need for a new baby, even if it's a new baby with an 8 year old sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to be on the showers are only for the first baby train, but sometimes people just want to celebrate and it's not about the gifts.

Now this may upset some people, but I don't care. I don't do showers for unwed mothers. I think your family and friends should buy you what you need privately.

If it's not about the gifts, they don't register for them, nitwit. Now please re-enter your time capsule and scoot back to 1916.

Or better yet, just have an abortion, right? God, you're judgmental. I agree that you should scoot back to 1916. Friends and family should buy what you need "privately"? WTF does that even mean? They can't get together for brunch because mom hasn't entered into a legal contract with dad? They just get to drop gifts off at mom's house? That's dumb.

That statement in itself is not judgmental, it's called an opinion. Judgmental is such an over used word.

Just because someone doesn't like something that you do, it doesn't mean you have to try to villianize them. Agree to disagree, or else you might be guilty of doing the same thing you are accusing them of.